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Old 01-16-2010, 08:05 PM
 
Location: Cary, NC
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Gifts that are purchase via online wedding registries will be sent directly to the happy couple.
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Old 01-16-2010, 10:04 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mike052082 View Post
I know of some people that are giving their gifts later or at work but I was suprised at how few gifts were given at the wedding. It is a middle age crowd, so I figured more gifts would be there. I got marrried at 22 and had a young crowd and had tons of gifts from all my friends who of course where young and broke too.
In my circles, it's considered ... well ... not really "tacky," but not as nice, to take a gift to a wedding. The polite way is to send it to the home, preferably right before the wedding. Some stores will deliver, especially if they have the registry. Or you can send it yourself, or take it in person. Taking it in person gives you the opportunity to pay a social call and see the gift display.
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Old 01-16-2010, 10:37 PM
 
1,106 posts, read 2,952,578 times
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Originally Posted by skaternum View Post
In my circles, it's considered ... well ... not really "tacky," but not as nice, to take a gift to a wedding. The polite way is to send it to the home, preferably right before the wedding. Some stores will deliver, especially if they have the registry. Or you can send it yourself, or take it in person. Taking it in person gives you the opportunity to pay a social call and see the gift display.
That makes sense. Never thought of it that way. Although I see her all the time at work and home b/c her classroom is 3 doors down and her house is 3 houses down.

I will remember this for next time.
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Old 01-16-2010, 11:45 PM
 
Location: Cary, NC
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Money!
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Old 01-17-2010, 07:03 AM
 
Location: The South
3,637 posts, read 5,021,962 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skaternum View Post
In my circles, it's considered ... well ... not really "tacky," but not as nice, to take a gift to a wedding. The polite way is to send it to the home, preferably right before the wedding. Some stores will deliver, especially if they have the registry. Or you can send it yourself, or take it in person. Taking it in person gives you the opportunity to pay a social call and see the gift display.

You have to remember the South holds to older etiquette traditions. Taking a gift to the wedding is considered tacky. It should be sent to the bride's home prior to the wedding.
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Old 01-17-2010, 07:36 AM
 
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Many guests have gifts shipped to the couple's home before the wedding.
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Old 01-17-2010, 07:41 AM
 
Location: Piedmont NC
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Originally Posted by LynchburgLover View Post
You have to remember the South holds to older etiquette traditions. Taking a gift to the wedding is considered tacky. It should be sent to the bride's home prior to the wedding.
So many traditions like this have gone by the wayside, LynchburgLover. It is how it was done when I was a bride, but I'm not sure it's done much today. I know I have been surprised to see gifts brought to the wedding in recent years, myself. We used the dining room -- the table, the buffet, extra small tables -- at home, to display the gifts, and I tucked the cards in with the presents. It was fun, and when people dropped-in, they could ooh-and-ahh over the lovely items. Because divorce was largely unheard of, and never talked about in polite circles, many pieces in my silver pattern arrived monogrammed, even.

Our friends from other areas of the US have been surprised by how we do things here in the South. My stepfather kept looking for the little pocketbook I should've had tied to my wrist so that guests at the dinner/reception could stuff money into it.

I don't really think one way is necessarily better than another -- just different.
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Old 01-17-2010, 07:50 AM
 
932 posts, read 2,733,360 times
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Originally Posted by skaternum View Post
I categorically reject this notion. One should not extend hospitality with the expectation that you will get back in cash or in kind the amount you spent on that hospitality. It is social hospitality, not a business deal where you calculate a cost-benefit analysis. If you want someone to attend your wedding, you invite them. Period. If you go to a wedding, you purchase a gift that is reflective of your financial status and your relationship with the people getting married. Period. Anything else cheapens the sentiment of hospitality and reduces the whole thing to a financial transaction. Yuck!
I totally agree! Talk about tacky. Also, If the average couple spent $50 per guest, there would be a lot less weddings. I've been to weddings on all ends of the spectrum, most spent less that $50.
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Old 01-17-2010, 07:51 AM
 
Location: The South
3,637 posts, read 5,021,962 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RDSLOTS View Post
So many traditions like this have gone by the wayside, LynchburgLover. It is how it was done when I was a bride, but I'm not sure it's done much today. I know I have been surprised to see gifts brought to the wedding in recent years, myself. We used the dining room -- the table, the buffet, extra small tables -- at home, to display the gifts, and I tucked the cards in with the presents. It was fun, and when people dropped-in, they could ooh-and-ahh over the lovely items. Because divorce was largely unheard of, and never talked about in polite circles, many pieces in my silver pattern arrived monogrammed, even.

Our friends from other areas of the US have been surprised by how we do things here in the South. My stepfather kept looking for the little pocketbook I should've had tied to my wrist so that guests at the dinner/reception could stuff money into it.

I don't really think one way is necessarily better than another -- just different.
Precisely! Hence the cultural tension you frequently see between Southerners and newcomers. When in Rome . . .
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Old 01-17-2010, 08:04 AM
jgb
 
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I don't think it's just between Southerners and others. There are lots of traditions and it's all changing, so no one know what to do anymore.

In the some cultures in past, people gave more substantial gifts for weddings. Things that held their value like silver or fine china. Things that you could sell for real $ if times were tight. Things you could pass down with zero depreciation.

Other cultures do money only gifts.

I have been surprised to have traveled very far to go an evening wedding reception in a relatively remote area only to be served a few tiny morsels of food (at dinner time), I thought we could count of a dinner (maybe not seated, but a dinner or some sort). I wasn't offended, but very very hungry and left looking for a Waffle House after it was all over.

It seems like it's pretty common these days for people's expectations to not be met one way or another. It's not that any one tradition is better or makes more sense, but there is no uniform way of doing things.

More and more, it's not even the brides parents who pay for the wedding -- that is probably pretty rare now. I think you will see fewer and fewer large lavish weddings, I don't think people throw them for the sole purpose of getting expensive gifts but the cheapness of gifts that are given probably doesn't encourage people to throw big receptions.

Then again, when so many people come from out of town and may be spending $1000 just to GET TO the wedding, it's understandable that they can't spend another hundred bucks on a gift . .

Times change.
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