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Old 01-17-2010, 09:05 AM
 
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I got married a few years ago and everyone borought their gifts. We had a gift table at the beginning of the entrance and a box for the cards. I thought that worked out great. We were all younger and in college or just finishing college. I guess what I am trying to say is my circle didn't know of this tradition. The people that gave gifts later where the ones that forgot or didn't have time to do it beforhand.
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Old 01-17-2010, 09:13 AM
 
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I spent $3,000 for my wedding of 100 people (of which 115 showed up?). With $1,100 going to the Cape Fear Botanical Gardens for the venue. It was great. Food was about 5 or 6 dollars per person and they got a plate full. I used everything I had at my disposal. I (with some help with my wife) planned and organized the entire wedding. I have been to a few weddings since then were the people have went into debt doing it or spending too much for what they did.

There are so many ways to save money and get things done. I know everyone doesn't know a radio dj or have a friend who wants to do wedding and will do yours for free but you can do it and do a good job at it.

The one thing I wish I could redo was my wedding invitations. I thought I could save money by making my own but to be honest it didn't work out that way plus it was alot of work. I had bows, ribbons, some kind of special rivet punch from Michaels my wife wanted me to use and considering the time it was more than what I would like to do again. Although I like crafts so it was fun. I am not the kind of guy you would think can do things like that so it was cool when people heard I made them from scratch and just an idea.

Last edited by mike052082; 01-17-2010 at 09:13 AM.. Reason: additional note
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Old 01-17-2010, 01:06 PM
jgb
 
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Mike, it sounds like you did pretty well, overall. I wouldn't worry about the invites
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Old 01-17-2010, 04:29 PM
 
Location: Piedmont NC
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Interesting comments here. I am dismayed to see so many traditions like these go by the wayside. I think many traditions are perhaps somewhat silly, but there are others that make us 'genteel.'

I would have been horrified to have attended an evening wedding and not known that a wedding after 5:00 p.m. is considered formal, that guests dress formally, and dinner is served. How difficult would it have been to have a late afternoon wedding instead, and not done something in such poor taste? I may be too old-fashioned. It still bothers me that people do not dress appropriately for many functions. At my niece's wedding, some of her friends showed up -- at a chapel, not on the beach -- in Hawaiian print shirts and flip-flops.

I don't know if people do things like that because they simply don't know, or are just defying tradition in an effort to make a statement. I took it as F-you.
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Old 01-18-2010, 05:27 PM
 
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I, too, remember all the old wedding etiquette rules, and I'm glad they've gone by the wayside. In the past, no one but the bride could wear white because the bride was the center of attention. You couldn't wear black, either, because it was a funeral color. There were SO many traditions, so many rules -- many of them nonsense.

Who has time to set up a table (or the room) and show off gifts in the home? In the fifties, when brides lived at home with their parents until they were married, it was common and easier to do. Now -- who cares?

I'm glad the people whose weddings I've attended were not traditional.

I once attended an "Eckankar" wedding held at the moment of daybreak, on the beachy shore of a major lake, and the wedding couple were in formalwear but with bare feet, next to a roaring fire in a grill. I'd never witnessed a sunrise that was more spectacular. A breakfast reception followed.

A Vietnamese friend of mine had a beautiful Buddhist wedding ceremony followed by a ten-course traditional Chinese dinner. The fish and the chicken still had their heads.

I attended one wedding in which the couple had extraordinarily wealthy parents. There was so little food at the reception (I can remember the tiny thumb-sized muffins and sliced tomatoes, portioned out), that we did stop at McDonald's on the way home out of necessity. It was a long drive to get to the reception, too.

I've also attended many very traditional Italian weddings. I loved the cookie cakes especially.

As far as my own wedding, I was happy those who could attend could attend. I didn't care what they wore.

I never understood the needs of a bride to control every little thing on one day...to overspend and obsess and demand. It's like they are Hollywood directors, and everyone -- the guests as actors -- must meet their demands.

It's a ridiculous custom.

Last edited by lovebrentwood; 01-18-2010 at 06:17 PM..
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Old 01-19-2010, 09:30 AM
 
Location: Cary, NC
279 posts, read 686,897 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GarnerMama View Post
I totally agree! Talk about tacky. Also, If the average couple spent $50 per guest, there would be a lot less weddings. I've been to weddings on all ends of the spectrum, most spent less that $50.

Not saying what's right or wrong, but most statistics put an average wedding cost between 26,000 and 30,000 with the average guest count being ~200 people. That puts the cost per guest between $130 and $150.

I know from shopping around that it's almost impossible to find a place that will serve dinner for less than $50/person. I found one small italian restaurant that came out to $35/person, but quickly went up if you wanted any extras like drinks beyond water.
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Old 01-19-2010, 01:14 PM
 
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Quote:
I know from shopping around that it's almost impossible to find a place that will serve dinner for less than $50/person. I found one small italian restaurant that came out to $35/person, but quickly went up if you wanted any extras like drinks beyond water.
You have to be resouceful when doing a wedding. IMO it is a time where it seems to be okay to spend b/c you want the best. Going to a restaurant is definently not being resourceful.
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Old 01-19-2010, 02:41 PM
 
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Who said a wedding reception has to be dinner? It's all about unreasonable expectations. We have a fine tradition here in the South of serving h'ors d'oeuvres, punch, champagne, and cake. NOT $50 per person. NOT required. What IS required is that the host provide food & beverage for their guests, because that's what hosts do for a social function. (Anyone who criticizes a couple staying within their means for having a "cheap" wedding isn't really much of a friend and probably shouldn't have been invited in the first place.)

Or maybe the criticizers are Yankees who aren't aware that there are possibilities beyond having a plated dinner for 500 and a band in crushed velvet tuxedos.
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Old 01-20-2010, 09:25 AM
 
Location: Cary, NC
279 posts, read 686,897 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skaternum View Post
Who said a wedding reception has to be dinner? It's all about unreasonable expectations. We have a fine tradition here in the South of serving h'ors d'oeuvres, punch, champagne, and cake. NOT $50 per person. NOT required. What IS required is that the host provide food & beverage for their guests, because that's what hosts do for a social function. (Anyone who criticizes a couple staying within their means for having a "cheap" wedding isn't really much of a friend and probably shouldn't have been invited in the first place.)

Or maybe the criticizers are Yankees who aren't aware that there are possibilities beyond having a plated dinner for 500 and a band in crushed velvet tuxedos.
I don't think anyone criticized a couple for finding ways to save money. Perhaps "Yankees" have different traditions, but no one here is wrong. Speaking of your h'ors d'oeuvres, punch, champagne, and cake for under $50/person, how many people is that for? Where would it be held? Who made the cake? Most young people don't have a suitable house or yard for a wedding, so finding a banquet hall can add a lot to the cost. Is it possible to have a wedding for under $50/person, yes, but I don't think that is the norm. So going to a wedding with the assumption that they paid much less is naive that was my only point.

For those making comments on cost, when did you last organize a wedding? Perhaps you should do a bit of research and see how much you can actually plan a wedding for and then let us all know the outcome.

Last edited by Fyzbo; 01-20-2010 at 09:26 AM.. Reason: final question
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Old 01-20-2010, 09:59 AM
 
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It would be held in a room at the church.

I went to a beautiful Southern wedding in a little country church, and the grandmother made all the hors d'oeuvres and the cake, served in another room in the church.

Was wonderful, and no one went into debt for a one-day experience.

It's too bad there's not more attention paid to the marriage instead of the wedding.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fyzbo View Post
I don't think anyone criticized a couple for finding ways to save money. Perhaps "Yankees" have different traditions, but no one here is wrong. Speaking of your h'ors d'oeuvres, punch, champagne, and cake for under $50/person, how many people is that for? Where would it be held? Who made the cake? Most young people don't have a suitable house or yard for a wedding, so finding a banquet hall can add a lot to the cost. Is it possible to have a wedding for under $50/person, yes, but I don't think that is the norm. So going to a wedding with the assumption that they paid much less is naive that was my only point.

For those making comments on cost, when did you last organize a wedding? Perhaps you should do a bit of research and see how much you can actually plan a wedding for and then let us all know the outcome.
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