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I actually find from my experience that the more educated people from higher income families are the ones who will feel as you and I do, that children should not be allowed to run loose and pester the neighbors, especially without supervision. Less educated, poorer families are the ones who tend to think it is acceptable behavior. On average. There are obviously exceptions on both sides, but as a general rule.
I certainly was never allowed to terrorize the neighbors when I was a child. And if someone told me they were busy, or didn't act like they wanted to talk to me, I understood that meant "go away, please" because my parents taught me that it did starting at a young age. They also taught me it is rude to talk to an adult without being spoken to first, or to go on their property without an invitation. Good lord, next I'm going to start spouting "In my day, children respected their elders". But that isn't true. In my day, the same as now, some children were taught respect while others were not. Those children have grown into adults now who don't teach their children any respect at all, for anyone or anything. Unfortunately, those people also seem to be the ones who have the most kids.
I didn't see anything in your posts that indicates you are not bright, or that you are lacking in social skills. I totally agree with your basic premise in this thread. Letting children run wild and invade someone else's space after being asked to leave shows a lack of parenting, and getting no help from the parents shows a lack of respect and class. I wouldn't want to live in your neighborhood either. My small neighborhood has a bunch of kids, and not once in 9 years have any of them ever spoken to me without their parents around. If I'm working in the yard, they may watch me work, but they do it politely, from a distance, and wave back if I wave at them.
You've made a good point here. The real problem as I see it is that there may be very little the OP can really do about it. Though I feel he's in the right to feel as he does, I think he has to be careful what action he might take to change the situation. Because there is no respect for anyone's property it is a recipe for disaster if the neighbors decide they don't like you. You can't be watching your house at all times.
To look at it another way, if you get to live there for free that helps you get a good financial start in life. It might be worth it to try to find a way to live with it for just a few years.
- because moving sucks, it's stressful and I would have to devote time to relocating, moving stuff, and all the trouble that comes with that. Since I'm currently going to school full-time Spring, Summer, & Fall that would be too much of a disruption.
- why should i have to leave because others can't respect my right to privacy and sovereignty over my own property? they're the ones who need to change, I don't bother a single person.
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Unfortunately you can only control what you do, so it doesn't matter who is "right."
I had the same issue with the first house I owned. It was older people when we moved in but as they passed away, their kids sold the houses pretty cheap and we got a lot of new people moving in, mostly low income single moms. Nothing against single moms, I was raised by one but it was a different time then.
The kids flocked to me for some reason and the main reason? The kids are lonely and bored. I would feel a little annoyed trying to do things in the yard and have like 6 kids "whatcha doing?" "Is that your dog?" "What is your dog's name?" Sometimes I just wanted to be left alone. I agree being mean is not a good idea. The kids really just want to interact with someone. I found giving them a little attention and then saying, "well thank you for visiting me but I have to get my work done, okay?" Gain agreement. This way they see you are engaging them but now its time for the visit to end. As far as the kids wanting to come in the house and play video games, say something along the lines of "sorry but I can't do that" or "I don't think your mom wants you going into a stranger's house." Also get better window treatments, if people can see right into your home that's not good. My house also had a tiny lot with neighbors on top of me but no one could see in my house due to have good window treatments.
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I have seen this type of behavior happen before with children who are not taught any manners or boundaries. Others may label you a snob or a racist, but I've also seen this in plenty of white kids. It is not the children's fault, they just don't know any better, but it sure is annoying.
You must exhibit good behavior and help them learn how to behave. I know this is not your job, but you will benefit from it if you do.
PS: It is others who think that because a child is black, he can be excused for having bad manners that are the the racists.
I have seen this type of behavior happen before with children who are not taught any manners or boundaries. Others may label you a snob or a racist, but I've also seen this in plenty of white kids. It is not the children's fault, they just don't know any better, but it sure is annoying.
You must exhibit good behavior and help them learn how to behave. I know this is not your job, but you will benefit from it if you do.
PS: It is others who think that because a child is black, he can be excused for having bad manners that are the the racists.
Would making an anonymous call to CPS be an option? I think all of the kids on my street would benefit from being put in foster care....plus I could study without hearing their high pitched screams outside. I am sure the fact they roam wild on the streets is an indication of further neglect, additionally if the kids are bothering me while I'm grilling "because they're hungry," as one poster mentioned, perhaps CPS could help with the malnutrition issue.
You've made a good point here. The real problem as I see it is that there may be very little the OP can really do about it. Though I feel he's in the right to feel as he does, I think he has to be careful what action he might take to change the situation. Because there is no respect for anyone's property it is a recipe for disaster if the neighbors decide they don't like you. You can't be watching your house at all times.
To look at it another way, if you get to live there for free that helps you get a good financial start in life. It might be worth it to try to find a way to live with it for just a few years.
I suppose it's time to buy a rottweiler or a pit bull. Unfortunately my present dogs are more affectionate than defensive.
Sometimes I wonder if the way the neighborhood acts is some kind of attempt to get me to move. I've read somewhere that neighbors in drug infested neighborhoods try and push other residents to move through this kind of behavior so they can have the drug territory to themselves without worrying that a neighbor will call the cops if too many people are seen coming and going, etc. If that's the case, I'm going to be standing firmly in that I'm not leaving...bring it on!
The old white couple next to me, who probably bought this house in 1946 after the husband came back from the war or something back when the neighborhood was middle class, put up a for sale sign recently. Apparently they can't take it anymore.
There's other things too, like the white trash family across the street who lights off fireworks at midnight and does construction work late at night as well...I think meth is involved. Also cars that park outside my house at 2 am with the engine running, when I look out the window they speed off at like 40 mph on a 25 mph street.
Would making an anonymous call to CPS be an option? I think all of the kids on my street would benefit from being put in foster care....plus I could study without hearing their high pitched screams outside. I am sure the fact they roam wild on the streets is an indication of further neglect, additionally if the kids are bothering me while I'm grilling "because they're hungry," as one poster mentioned, perhaps CPS could help with the malnutrition issue.
CPS is for children who are truly endangered. These kids could just be hungry because it is 6:00 and their family doesn't eat dinner until 7:00, and that isn't endangered. Playing in the subdivision without supervision may be considered endangered in some cases, depending on the ages of the children and what hazards are nearby, but usually, in and of itself, isn't.
CPS is a good thing for those children who truly are abused or seriously neglected, but this doesn't sound like it is the case. Neglected means that the parent goes off to work for 12 hours and leaves the 5 year old to make their own dinner, or leaves the 10 year old home for days at a time. It sounds like these parents are usually home, so they are just being ignored, not necessarily neglected. I think making a call to CPS in this instance would be just malicious on your part, and a waste of time for CPS. These kids don't sound abused, they just sound like rude kids with rude parents.
but I've also seen this in plenty of white kids. It is not the children's fault, they just don't know any better, but it sure is annoying.
Agreed. Honestly, this kid wants to pet your dog who by your own admission is affectionate so most likely the dog loves the attention. You're probably the only one bothered by this interaction. Oh and she also wants to help you do your yard. That's quite awful. Much worse than the white kids I've dealt with who run up and down hallways banging on everyone's doors, the ones that push you over or run through you while chasing others, or the ones that scream at 4am on a 8 hour trip overseas. :-/ This kid is harmless. Unless you left something out, I see nothing in her actions that indicate she's behaving poorly. With that said, you still have the right to your privacy. Playing the adult jedi mind tricks like ignoring her, avoiding eye contact, etc is not going to get that privacy. A child doesn't understand that and I'm honestly worried that if she does catch on, interacting with you could affect her personality. Children's friendliness is a gift. We lose that as we get older (as evidenced by you ignoring her and avoiding eye contact). I hope meeting you doesn't cause her to start shutting down ahead of her time. Just have a discussion with her parents. Hopefully they will understand. And honestly, the issue with this child seem TRIVIAL compared to the other things you're bringing up. You're living with possible drug activity going on right next to you and you're worried about a kid who wants to pet your dog? Seriously? I must be a few Skittles short cause I just don't get it.
Agreed. Honestly, this kid wants to pet your dog who by your own admission is affectionate so most likely the dog loves the attention. You're probably the only one bothered by this interaction. Oh and she also wants to help you do your yard. That's quite awful. Much worse than the white kids I've dealt with who run up and down hallways banging on everyone's doors, the ones that push you over or run through you while chasing others, or the ones that scream at 4am on a 8 hour trip overseas. :-/ This kid is harmless. Unless you left something out, I see nothing in her actions that indicate she's behaving poorly. With that said, you still have the right to your privacy. Playing the adult jedi mind tricks like ignoring her, avoiding eye contact, etc is not going to get that privacy. A child doesn't understand that and I'm honestly worried that if she does catch on, interacting with you could affect her personality. Children's friendliness is a gift. We lose that as we get older (as evidenced by you ignoring her and avoiding eye contact). I hope meeting you doesn't cause her to start shutting down ahead of her time. Just have a discussion with her parents. Hopefully they will understand. And honestly, the issue with this child seem TRIVIAL compared to the other things you're bringing up. You're living with possible drug activity going on right next to you and you're worried about a kid who wants to pet your dog? Seriously? I must be a few Skittles short cause I just don't get it.
My approach to conducting myself in public is that I do not speak to anyone whom I have no business with. I've learned to tune out "excuse me" and "hey you" as I walk down the street because I don't have any business or reason to talk to any stranger. I tune out panhandlers, religious weirdos, salesmen by using this tactic because no one else would have any legitimate reason to engage a stranger.
New story: just now I am walking the dog on my street and two white kids (yes white kids, 100% Aryan quality, I don't like them either see i'm not racist) on their bikes start yelling "hey, hey," "excuse me," and just basically harassing me as I'm minding my own business. I pretend to play with my cellphone but they keep doing it. They eventually block my path with their bikes so I went around them ignoring them still. They had no valid reason to engage me in conversation so I had no duty to acknowledge them. Eventually I realize they've followed me about half a mile and I'm almost home, so I turn around and say "hasn't anyone taught you not to talk to strangers?" I really hope they tell their parents so they can feel like the losers they are for letting their kids go up and talk to anyone.
As far as hurting the girls development or whatever, I'm sorry but it's not within my responsibility to nurture her self-esteem. There's no law that says I have to be friendly to kids that come up to me. And I didn't want her to help mulching because like other people have mentioned, I'm a single male adult and I don't want anyone thinking I have some weird friendship with the kids. An old lady could allow neighborhood kids to help garden but I'm not ok with it.
I don't see kids as magical and I certainly don't "enjoy the sound of child's laughter" or whatever like some weirdos do. Parents need to realize that not everyone thinks their kids are a gift and those who do are plain selfish to impose their spawn on everyone.
New story: just now I am walking the dog on my street and two white kids (yes white kids, 100% Aryan quality, I don't like them either see i'm not racist) on their bikes start yelling "hey, hey," "excuse me," and just basically harassing me as I'm minding my own business. I pretend to play with my cellphone but they keep doing it. They eventually block my path with their bikes so I went around them ignoring them still. They had no valid reason to engage me in conversation so I had no duty to acknowledge them..
I do have to say, if this is how you handle the situation with kids, you're contributing to the problem, not solving it.
With adults it should work, but is only going to further the kids interest in you.
Your aim should be be to bore them, not pique their interest.
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