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Old 06-08-2012, 07:43 PM
Location: Pawnee Nation
7,525 posts, read 14,555,884 times
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Originally Posted by jckmc222 View Post

So what should I do?
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Old 06-08-2012, 08:08 PM
5,106 posts, read 6,078,045 times
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without reading all 5 pages, I get where the poster is coming from. He sounds like a man. If so, he does not need to have a bunch of kids hanging around the home of a single man for any reason. It looks bad, can put himself into a situation, and might cause neighborhood problems. And none of that is racial, feeling better than anyone, or any of that. In this day and time it just isn't smart.

Sorry, sometimes you just have to be distant but nice. I don't know how to balance it, but that seems the best thing.

just thought maybe you can make a friend of one of the neighbors. then the word can get out that you are concerned about the appropriateness of the children being overly friendly, just a thought.
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Old 06-08-2012, 08:31 PM
2,646 posts, read 5,982,111 times
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Exclamation If I were you...

Originally Posted by jckmc222 View Post
I'm white, 26, and go to college and I live in a predominantly black area close to campus in a house that my family owns. The neighborhood is pretty trashy and full of 19 year old single moms with 4+ kids and people who blast music from their crappy cars with shiny rims. Therefore, I try and keep to myself because I really have nothing in common with the neighbors and no desire to interact with them. The neighborhood is pretty close together space-wise in that my front yard is basically a strip of grass and then the sidewalk so unfortunately I'm visible to everyone and I feel like I'm in a zoo.

However, some of the neighborhood children have just decided to interact with me. It started because I have a dog and when I'm walking her they come up and ask to pet, and I didn't know any better and let them. I didn't really want to but I was kind of on the spot so I relented. I had actually kept walking past trying to ignore the kids but they basically kept saying "hey" until it became obvious I was ignoring them so I acknowledged. I mean, most normal people would understand those cues as "I don't want to talk, leave me alone," but the kids don't get it. Then I look online and see it's just a really bad idea to let kids around your dog or even talk to kids you don't know in general. So I've taken to just trying to completely ignore the kids.

Problem is, they have no boundaries. There's this one kid, some girl probably 7-8 who keeps coming up and talking to me, even when I don't make eye contact or respond. The other day I'm laying mulch and she asks to help, I say "no thanks" and try and ignore and she keeps asking before I say a little firmer "i got it under control no thanks."

They know my dogs name now so theyre calling them whenever I take them out back creating problems if the dog decides to run over.

Today I'm out back grilling trying to mind my own business and the same girl comes up onto my front yard on my property and up to the fence separating it from the back yard and asks me what im doing. I mumbled "grilling" and still saw she wouldnt leave. Then I say "this is private property youre trespassing" and she doesn't get it. I finally said "OK GOODBYE" and she left after that.

So what should I do? I don't want anyone thinking I'm friends with these kids so I've started trying to give them the cold shoulder. I don't know why they're so interested in me but I want them to just leave me alone and give me my peace.
I would distance myself as far and as quickly from these young folks as possible. Had a very similar situation many years ago only to come home one day and find my home emptied...I would be extremely careful and not encourage them.
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Old 06-09-2012, 09:08 AM
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The dog kid thing could happen to anybody, anywhere.

The lonesome kids are another thing. Had that in a couple of houses. I was being used as a babysitter because I was nice to the kids. They'd come over and stay for hours playing hearts or spoons.

Get some games, and a signal to put outside your house when you are available to visit. Playing a board game on the front steps for an hour once a week might be a good thing for all involved.
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Old 06-09-2012, 11:27 AM
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This is why they say, fences make good neighbors. Fence off all of your property, lock the gate.
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Old 06-09-2012, 11:39 AM
Location: under the beautiful Carolina blue
15,767 posts, read 24,037,020 times
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If your concern is being accused of something, then you should be upfront with the kids. SOMEwhere along the line they've been taught about talking to strangers, if only at school or a doctor visit. So you tell them "hi, yeah, I'm grilling right now. I'm sure you've heard it's not a good idea to talk to strangers or people you don't really know that well....so you should go back home now". These kids probably don't think of you as a "stranger". And ANY adult has to worry about this. Even once you have kids, you have no idea who or what you're dealing with, with your kids' friends. When my sister's kids were little, she wouldn't let her husband drive babysitters home - no way was she taking a chance of a false accusation. Same with a savvy middle or high school teacher - they should not accept emails and texts from students unless the parents are copied. You aren't the only one who has this worry - just use common sense if that is TRULY your biggest worry.
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Old 06-09-2012, 04:46 PM
Location: The New England part of Ohio
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His concern is not being accused of something, except if you want to factor in racism and self serving comments such as "I voted for Obama"...please.
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Old 06-09-2012, 05:20 PM
21 posts, read 28,928 times
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Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
His concern is not being accused of something, except if you want to factor in racism and self serving comments such as "I voted for Obama"...please.
Uh yeah that is my concern. Why does not wanting to associate with the neighborhood kids make me racist? I fully admit that I prefer to avoid low income types but they can be any race, ethnicity, religion, etc. just because they often tend to be "trashy."

I don't want to be seen on the street talking to white kids, japanese kids, or any other kids because I'm a single male adult and it looks bad.

I also just want to enjoy a quiet existence in my house...just because these neighbors have block parties and cookouts together doesn't mean I have to be a part of it. Living in a neighborhood does not obligate me to participate in the social aspect.
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Old 06-09-2012, 05:23 PM
2,540 posts, read 3,308,616 times
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I completely understand where the OP is coming from. It doesn't have to be about race or class - just some people are more private and value their personal space more than others. Becoming a Big Sister/Brother to less-fortunate kids is amazing and all, but it's definitely not for everyone. I don't see why the OP should be obligated to entertain the kids just so he's not judged as 'cold' and 'self-involved' - he has a right to his privacy and not having people intrude.
To the OP: I would definitely make sure you don't do or say anything that could be seen as rude, or it might get you in trouble. Always act polite and friendly - but 'cold-friendly', kwim? Always try to look rushed or busy, give brief, curt replies if they ask something, or even just respond with a nod or shake of the head without saying anything, always with a little smile to show you mean well but at the same time discouraging further interest. If they see that you're not going to be a source of entertainment for them, they'll eventually get bored and go away. I don't know much about dogs, but maybe next time you could say that he gets agitated/scared around strangers and politely ask that they don't call him over. I would think if you take the dog out of the equation, there wouldn't be much keeping the kids interested in a guy who doesn't talk much, and they'll move on...
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Old 06-09-2012, 05:26 PM
21 posts, read 28,928 times
Reputation: 51
Also I'm certain some of the neighborhood thinks I'm more well-off then they are. What if one of the parents sees me as a pay-day opportunity? Make an accusation, then it's up to me to prove it's false and since it's a fact that I've spoken to these kids before I'm screwed...either pay up or my life is destroyed.
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