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Old 01-26-2018, 04:33 PM
 
Location: Illinois USA
291 posts, read 147,623 times
Reputation: 211

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I'm 38 yr old guy , 1 kid
living with my baby mama
we live in CHicago suburbs
we are both working but cannot decide on if we want to buy a house or not

here is our situation

my baby mama
1-she makes 50k
2-she owns a condo in chicago which she is in no position to sell as still is quite under water, it was worth 315k but there condos only going for 230-250 or so
3-she wants to buy a family home ASAP and is trying to sell the condo, she wants a family home in 250-350 k range 3 bed/2bath
4-she feels we are throwing money away renting ( we cant live in her condo as its too far from our jobs but its rented right now)


Me
1- I make 150 k
2-own no property, terrified of owning a house as

a- I'm ADHD I forget and terrible at take care of things
b-not handy at all
c-not sure if I will stay in IL for a long time to make it worth while, I'm the kind of guys who like switching jobs every few yrs
d-if she leaves me I'll be stuck with the house and unable to sell it

she is pressuring me to buy a house and I'm resisting it
my gut tells me dont do it and renting is not always "throwing money away" either

I'm ok with buying an ugly fixer upper with potential for upgrade which we can over the yrs put in sweat equity ( and shes very handy btw) but she wants a turn key ready upgraded house

so we cannot find any common ground

Please any advice will be welcome

Last edited by Dad01; 01-26-2018 at 04:52 PM..
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Old 01-26-2018, 04:42 PM
 
Location: Left coast
2,321 posts, read 1,055,312 times
Reputation: 3211
How much are houses running in the area you would buy in? And if its easily affordable (say the mortgage is less than 25% of your combined take home pay) I say DO IT.

Here are the pros-
You are throwing your money away on rent, and you have a kid whose college education could be financed by the home, or you could leave it to them.

You may be ADHD, but your mom is there to help you...

the Cons-

you may be leaving the area shortly - this can be remedied by making sure the house is desirable (our friends bought a house and sold it 8 months later at a $80,000 profit, they avoided capital gains by repurchasing another house)

your mom leaving you? why - ?
(definitely it sounds like it would be better to have your mom's help on this one, does she help you with your child as well?)

Ok have to get going but there are my thoughts on this.
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Old 01-26-2018, 04:49 PM
 
Location: Illinois USA
291 posts, read 147,623 times
Reputation: 211
mom is my kids mom ...my baby mama

sorry
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Old 01-26-2018, 05:34 PM
 
3,027 posts, read 1,206,807 times
Reputation: 5985
Quote:
Originally Posted by CAjerseychick View Post
How much are houses running in the area you would buy in? And if its easily affordable (say the mortgage is less than 25% of your combined take home pay) I say DO IT.

Here are the pros-
You are throwing your money away on rent, and you have a kid whose college education could be financed by the home, or you could leave it to them.

You may be ADHD, but your mom is there to help you...

the Cons-

you may be leaving the area shortly - this can be remedied by making sure the house is desirable (our friends bought a house and sold it 8 months later at a $80,000 profit, they avoided capital gains by repurchasing another house)

your mom leaving you? why - ?
(definitely it sounds like it would be better to have your mom's help on this one, does she help you with your child as well?)

Ok have to get going but there are my thoughts on this.
In the $250-350K price range, most homes are older and would probably require some decent amount of work and/or upkeep to be in a suburb with decent schools. This is absolutely NOT an area where you can resell something in 8 months (it usually takes almost half that long to get any offers) and make an $80K profit. The taxes are high. The OP would probably spend around $6000-8000 a year for a house in his price range, minimum.

If he isnít sure he is going to stay, it makes absolutely no sense to spend tens of thousands of dollars on property taxes and more on upgrades when he might not even be able to make any money on the property. His girlfriendís experience is not that unusual. Iíve considered buying a property in the suburbs here and have seen lots of areas that have only modest increases and others where people are like the OPís girlfriend and have lost money.
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Old 01-26-2018, 06:04 PM
 
7,622 posts, read 8,963,068 times
Reputation: 12920
Buying a home with someone you are not married to has "disaster" written all over it.
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Old 01-26-2018, 06:10 PM
 
7,031 posts, read 3,744,270 times
Reputation: 8354
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dad01 View Post

I'm 38 yr old guy , 1 kid
living with my baby mama

1- I make 150 k
2-own no property, terrified of owning a house as

a- I'm ADHD I forget and terrible at take care of things
b-not handy at all
c-not sure if I will stay in IL for a long time to make it worth while, I'm the kind of guys who like switching jobs every few yrs
d-if she leaves me I'll be stuck with the house and unable to sell it

she is pressuring me to buy a house and I'm resisting it
my gut tells me dont do it and renting is not always "throwing money away" either

I'm ok with buying an ugly fixer upper with potential for upgrade which we can over the yrs put in sweat equity ( and shes very handy btw) but she wants a turn key ready upgraded house

so we cannot find any common ground

Please any advice will be welcome
I may be totally off base, but my first impression reading what you wrote above is that perhaps what is really making you so anxious is not buying a house but rather having some doubts about whether your girl friend and you are truly in it for the long haul.

Give some thought to what I just said -- no need to discuss here - but be honest with yourself about your long term commitment to this relationship. Buying a house together is a symbol of making a serious commitment to remain together as an intact family, and if that's making you jittery you may have bigger things to worry about than just what type of house to buy.

This is just me, but I wouldn't agree to buy a house with someone if I wasn't absolutely committed to the relationship for the long term. I may be old fashioned on this, but I'd personally only buy a house with someone who I was married to, or at least engaged to with a firm date set for the wedding. Also, if my "baby daddy" was afraid to buy a house with me when he could afford to do so, it might give me some pause as well. What your girlfriend might really be doing with pushing you about buying a house together is testing how committed you really are to her and your child together. But again, this is me -- your mileage, as they say, may vary.

Aside from all of that, if you are not at all handy or good with finishing projects, the idea of "buying an ugly fixer upper" to put sweat equity into is simply not going to work. "Sweat equity" means doing at least some if not all of the work yourself, not paying someone else to do all the work because you can't get around to doing it yourself.

So, in that sense, your girlfriend may be right to suggest you buy a house that is ready to live in and a suitable home for a very young child right off the bat.

If you decide you ARE ready to make a long term commitment and buy a house to live in with your family, listen to her about buying a house that is ready to go, and not one that is going to most likely end up as a headache for you both. That may mean making some compromises in terms of size or having all of the bells and whistles, but this is a "starter home" for your family, and you can always work together towards something larger and flashier a few years from now.

My hunch is your "gut instinct" is already telling you much of the above. If that's the case, I'd listen to your gut instinct.

Last edited by RosieSD; 01-26-2018 at 06:46 PM..
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Old 01-26-2018, 06:26 PM
 
9,066 posts, read 5,399,651 times
Reputation: 5965
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dad01 View Post

she is pressuring me to buy a house and I'm resisting it
my gut tells me dont do it and renting is not always "throwing money away" either
Buying a house is not the worst idea in the world, for many people, it's the best asset they will ever acquire. You have the 30 year fixed mortgage, low interest rates, all working in your favor.

Whether or not it's the right time for you to buy, is another matter. Real estate is a long game, it's something to hold for 10+ years. It sounds like she is ready to settle down, raise family and you are not.

As such, if you decide to buy, I'd suggest you buy something that can function both as a home or an investment, should you decide to move away. Maybe a house close to public transit, close to city center, in a walkable neighborhood, etc; features that attract renters.

But ultimately, this is not a real estate question, this is a "Should I settle down in the suburb with this woman?" question. Only you can answer that. With that said, your baby momma is not wrong in saying that renting is just throwing money away. That doesn't mean you should buy a house now, but someone your age and in your income bracket should at least think about it.
.
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Old 01-26-2018, 07:01 PM
 
Location: Illinois USA
291 posts, read 147,623 times
Reputation: 211
Quote:
As such, if you decide to buy, I'd suggest you buy something that can function both as a home or an investment, should you decide to move away. Maybe a house close to public transit, close to city center, in a walkable neighborhood, etc; features that attract renters.
thats a good idea
thanks

and thanks everyone for their valuable advice, its nice to get a neutral perspective

Quote:
the idea of "buying an ugly fixer upper" to put sweat equity into is simply not going to work. "Sweat equity" means doing at least some if not all of the work yourself, not paying someone else to do all the work because you can't get around to doing it yourself.
I agree but that can be done over a long period of time

I'm not looking to flip a house

plus I can be handy if I have the time problem is my job is very demanding and that leaves me always short on time
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Old 01-26-2018, 07:03 PM
 
Location: Illinois USA
291 posts, read 147,623 times
Reputation: 211
Quote:
This is just me, but I wouldn't agree to buy a house with someone if I wasn't absolutely committed to the relationship for the long term. I may be old fashioned on this, but I'd personally only buy a house with someone who I was married to, or at least engaged to with a firm date set for the wedding. Also, if my "baby daddy" was afraid to buy a house with me when he could afford to do so, it might give me some pause as well. What your girlfriend might really be doing with pushing you about buying a house together is testing how committed you really are to her and your child together. But again, this is me -- your mileage, as they say, may vary.
I agree
but she has little to lose by making us buy a house, if she decides she wants to leave me later I will be in hot water
probably lose the house AND make the payments



I dont trust anyone 100% other than siblings and parents
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Old 01-26-2018, 07:06 PM
 
Location: Illinois USA
291 posts, read 147,623 times
Reputation: 211
Quote:
If he isn’t sure he is going to stay, it makes absolutely no sense to spend tens of thousands of dollars on property taxes and more on upgrades when he might not even be able to make any money on the property. His girlfriend’s experience is not that unusual. I’ve considered buying a property in the suburbs here and have seen lots of areas that have only modest increases and others where people are like the OP’s girlfriend and have lost money.
exactly plus I want her to make sure she sells her condo first before we purchase a house togather

makes me nervous to have 2 properties esp in a climate that can be uncertain given the law n order situation of chicago
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