U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Real Estate
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
 
Old 06-29-2018, 05:49 PM
 
226 posts, read 78,051 times
Reputation: 520

Advertisements

My biggest concern is do you have siblings? When you Mother dies, dividing her assets between siblings is emotional and financial difficult.

Second, the government will require her to sell her home to pay for nursing home expenses before medicare kicks in.

Using my mother as an example: Her nursing home required enough funds (the amount had to be proven and certified) to cover the cost of one year of care. Her nursing home was $10,000 per month so she had to prove she had $120,000 in liquid funds. Some nursing homes are cheaper, some are more expensive. Some require one year of funds, some require 18 months or more of funds.

We sold her home as she could not have assets before the government would pay.

If she had turned her house over to us five years before, she could have stayed in her house. We would have her house. It isn't like we wanted to cheat her or the government. Once the government starts to pay for nursing home costs, they take a portion of social security. Seniors still have to purchase toilet paper, diapers and clothing. Sometimes, families keep assets to pay for physical therapy or other expenses the government won't.

The government allows seniors can set aside, I think - $10,000 (?), for funeral expenses.

There is really no way around nursing homes. Seniors get ill or break a hip. Nursing home provide a level of care than families can't.

Stay away, better yet, run away from reverse mortgages!
Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-29-2018, 05:52 PM
 
9,321 posts, read 7,324,406 times
Reputation: 22812
Quote:
Originally Posted by Murk View Post
I left home when I was 18, was independent for my young adult life, could very well be independent now. I've been living with my mother for over 15 years because we like doing so. She pays for half the groceries and I pay for everything else, and it's been that way for a decade or more. That's why she has a large amount of savings.

I understand that there are plenty of people out there taking advantage of their parents, but I'm not one of them. I also understand that people here don't have to believe me.

She makes enough with her pension and SS to live perfectly comfortably as she is now, but that's not the issue because I'm paying all the bills and will continue to do so. We actually like living together, and I do not intend to date or remarry or anything like that. I am independent... just not alone. She is independent, too, or could be if I left, which I see no reason to do. We just live in the same house and enjoy each other's company.

In the fullness of time, if she needs extra care, I will provide it (I work from home and know what caregiving entails) or will pay for additional care that isn't covered otherwise. From what I know about extra care in this area (for my father), which is more expensive than where we plan to move, she can afford the bulk of that with current income, too.

I'm not sure what the point of a reverse mortgage would be? Isn't that for people who need more money to live on? I don't quite understand the benefit of having more debt. Elder law attorneys answer real estate questions and give mortgage information?

I'm trying to think of her first, which is why I was asking questions about what would be the best way for her to buy a different house... which is what she wants to do... in another state with much lower property taxes.

Anyway, I'll weed out the suggestions from the other stuff and do more research.
If you are thinking of her first, why don't you buy the house and have her live with you? She gets to keep all her retirement funds. That'll be good for her.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-30-2018, 10:08 AM
 
Location: Myrtle Creek, Oregon
11,080 posts, read 11,493,051 times
Reputation: 17254
Quote:
Originally Posted by YorktownGal View Post
My biggest concern is do you have siblings? When you Mother dies, dividing her assets between siblings is emotional and financial difficult.

Second, the government will require her to sell her home to pay for nursing home expenses before medicare kicks in.

Using my mother as an example: Her nursing home required enough funds (the amount had to be proven and certified) to cover the cost of one year of care. Her nursing home was $10,000 per month so she had to prove she had $120,000 in liquid funds. Some nursing homes are cheaper, some are more expensive. Some require one year of funds, some require 18 months or more of funds.

We sold her home as she could not have assets before the government would pay.

If she had turned her house over to us five years before, she could have stayed in her house. We would have her house. It isn't like we wanted to cheat her or the government. Once the government starts to pay for nursing home costs, they take a portion of social security. Seniors still have to purchase toilet paper, diapers and clothing. Sometimes, families keep assets to pay for physical therapy or other expenses the government won't.

The government allows seniors can set aside, I think - $10,000 (?), for funeral expenses.

There is really no way around nursing homes. Seniors get ill or break a hip. Nursing home provide a level of care than families can't.

Stay away, better yet, run away from reverse mortgages!
Another thing that people forget is that the reverse mortgage ends when she moves out. The lender will call the note and sell the house, and she will have no control over how it is sold or for how much. If she goes into assisted living, she will no longer have the income from a reverse mortgage. A reverse mortgage should be reserved for dire extremity, when the only option is sitting in a cold house with no food.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-30-2018, 09:29 PM
 
226 posts, read 78,051 times
Reputation: 520
Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Caldwell View Post
Another thing that people forget is that the reverse mortgage ends when she moves out. The lender will call the note and sell the house, and she will have no control over how it is sold or for how much. If she goes into assisted living, she will no longer have the income from a reverse mortgage. A reverse mortgage should be reserved for dire extremity, when the only option is sitting in a cold house with no food.

Good advice.

If you are taking care of your mom (which I think is wonderful), your time should be worth something. Home repairs and cleaning up have an economic value.

Don't get kicked out of your home when she moves out or dies.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-01-2018, 04:40 AM
 
9,321 posts, read 7,324,406 times
Reputation: 22812
Quote:
Originally Posted by YorktownGal View Post
Good advice.

If you are taking care of your mom (which I think is wonderful), your time should be worth something. Home repairs and cleaning up have an economic value.

Don't get kicked out of your home when she moves out or dies.
Is the OP really taking care of their mom or is the mom taking care of the OP? In the OP's original scenario, who is footing all of the legal, financial burden? It's the elderly mom whose name is on all the papers.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-01-2018, 09:17 AM
 
226 posts, read 78,051 times
Reputation: 520
Quote:
Originally Posted by charlygal View Post
Is the OP really taking care of their mom or is the mom taking care of the OP? In the OP's original scenario, who is footing all of the legal, financial burden? It's the elderly mom whose name is on all the papers.
It's hard to be elderly in the USA. In other countries, multi-generational households are normal.


If they are compatible on a daily basis, which seems to be the case, and, if OP's mother is footing all the legal and financial burden, it's to her benefit.

What other options would OP's mother have? Hire a someone to come in daily to help with chores? Go directly into assisted living? I think most elderly family would rather remain with family.

If he is going to inherit her money anyway, it's better to spend her money while living for a more comfortable lifestyle
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-01-2018, 10:14 AM
 
9,321 posts, read 7,324,406 times
Reputation: 22812
Quote:
Originally Posted by YorktownGal View Post
It's hard to be elderly in the USA. In other countries, multi-generational households are normal.


If they are compatible on a daily basis, which seems to be the case, and, if OP's mother is footing all the legal and financial burden, it's to her benefit.

What other options would OP's mother have? Hire a someone to come in daily to help with chores? Go directly into assisted living? I think most elderly family would rather remain with family.

If he is going to inherit her money anyway, it's better to spend her money while living for a more comfortable lifestyle
Having family around is great. Why can't the OP be the with the mortgage?
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-01-2018, 02:00 PM
 
226 posts, read 78,051 times
Reputation: 520
Quote:
Originally Posted by charlygal View Post
Having family around is great. Why can't the OP be the with the mortgage?
He said previously that he doesn't have the best credit rating.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-01-2018, 03:49 PM
 
138 posts, read 56,904 times
Reputation: 662
I know several middle aged daughters who live with their elderly parent(s), and it's a godsend for everyone involved. These situations aren't always some sort of abusive or exploitative scenario.

In my utterly non-professional opinion, don't use all the savings for the new place. Get a mortgage for half the purchase price (or however much you deem correct), and keep the rest of the savings for whatever life throws at the both of you. Could you buy a house together so in the case of your mom's death it will seamlessly transfer over to you? Your poor credit might preclude you from getting that mortgage though, I know.

In closing, if you're living off your mom like a big old parasite, shame on you.
If you're a caring person trying to do what's right for Team Both of You Together Can Overcome, good for you, and good luck.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-01-2018, 06:27 PM
 
9,321 posts, read 7,324,406 times
Reputation: 22812
Quote:
Originally Posted by YorktownGal View Post
He said previously that he doesn't have the best credit rating.
Credit can be repaired. That should be a general life priority anyway.
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:
Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Real Estate
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top