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First post here! I am purchasing a home with my boyfriend of several years and wanted to get some thoughts on the best way to go about it. My gut instinct is to "protect myself" and purchase it in my name only, he would then be living with me and paying me rent equal to half the mortgage, and we would split utilities. We do plan to get married, but it is probably a year to a year and a half away, partially b/c we are saving as much as we can to have a large down payment on the home, and would prefer to buy a house with as much down as possible, rather than pay for a wedding and have less of a downpayment. (We'd be paying for our own wedding). Downpayment will be at least 20%.
I qualify for the mortgage on my own and can make the payments without his help (granted, with a little less money for new shoes or savings). We're deliberately buying a house we can afford on one income (the smaller of the two, though we basically make the same amount give or take 5K), so that if we have children and choose to have one person stay at home we could. (And in my mind, if I were to get "stuck" I would be able to afford where I live). He is fine with everything being in my name and renting from me, or with buying in both of our names and having both names on the deed. He thinks I'm silly for being concerned and wanting to "protect myself" as he says he is not going anywhere. I think that is sweet, but not necessarily enough of a reason to buy in both names.
I suppose my question is, what are the pros and cons to my buying alone vs. buying with him? I know that if I buy on my own I will get the full tax credit (and if I do it soon enough will get a portion of the new tax incentive), plus if I ever chose to, would not have to live with him. Is there a downside to this? When we do get married could I easily put his name on the deed and/or mortgage or would I be stuck refinancing and incurring those costs?
One other thing to throw into the mix - he is paying for a larger portion of the down payment than I am - it will work out to his paying 2/3 and my paying 1/3. He does not want or need anything in writing about this or any guarantee that I would pay him back if things do not work out. The reason for this split is I am going back for a graduate degree, and will be putting funds towards school that otherwise would have gone to the house (otherwise the downpayment would have been a 50/50 split).
Appreciate any thoughts on the best way to go about this that is fair to both parties (am afraid its stacked in my favor). Thank you!
My wife of 33 years and I bought our first house before we were married. From the time we moved in together everything became "ours". We planned for staying together, not what would be the best way to position ourselves for the worst case, but for the best case scenario.
Beware of resentment on his part when you think of the place you live in together as yours instead of ours.
If you two purchase the home together you just need to decide who will be the beneficiary in case the other dies. Since you aren't married it won't automatically go to the other party.
To put his name on the deed is easy. You just file a Quit Claim Deed with the county. I don't know about adding him to the mortgage since I've never had a client do that. Usually they just add them to the deed and leave it at that. That would be a good question for the mortgage forum.
Otherwise the rest is based on the nature of your relationship and trust. That is not something we can help you with here.
We're going to make sure we have wills and life insurance in the event something awful did happen to one of us.
I suppose I worded things a bit clinically here - I love this person and don't expect anything to go wrong, and I see a lifetime together here - I just want to set up the transaction in the best way for both of us. I've had friends buy together (granted without any plans, down payment, practically didn't know each other), and end up living with someone they can no longer stand while they try to sell a house, I don't want to put either of us in that situation, regardless of how unlikely we think it will be!
Otherwise the rest is based on the nature of your relationship and trust. That is not something we can help you with here.
So true.
Newhomeready: Ask yourself why you are questioning if you should purchase together prior to marriage? Perhaps you already know the answer and are simply looking for comfirmation. Just a thought.
Getting married is a lot easier than buying a house. Why get the cart before the horse? Go to the courthouse and get married. It will be a lot less hassle.
Sounds like he is fine with everything because he does not have to commit anything. If I sound like I'm old fashioned; I'm guy who is 42 and have been married for 19 years.
If you are saving your money for a larger downpayment and not paying for a wedding (good choice by the way), what are waiting for to get married? I know DH and I bought a house before we got married and I had none of these questions.
I think you wouldn't be second guessing yourself if you didn't have some concerns deep down that you aren't willing to admit. Only you know that. If that's not the case, just get married. If you are considering buying a house together, why wait?
Maybe I'm old fashioned too, but I don't understand why you would make the biggest purchase of your life w/this guy w/o getting married?
If you are questioning yourself on a forum, then there must be some issues....
I'd get married first, unless you are not 100% committed which it sounds a little like it is....
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Agree - this really isn't that kind of forum...
Go to the courthouse and get married. It will be a lot less hassle.
