Logic vs. Emotion when house-hunting? (square footage, agent, price, construction)

[windflower]

I'm very perplexed (at the mind-in-circles stage…) and would love some input on the question of how much weight one should give to the "emotional" reaction to a house, versus one's practical requirements. Here's some background on my house-hunting/owning experiences so far (apartments don't count!):

House #1 was bought by myself and my then-SO when we were in our early 30s. It was the first house for both of us, and although we split the purchase cost equally, 75% of our house-hunting criteria was based on what he wanted. It took a year to find "the right house" and by that time I was simply happy to have found something that HE liked enough to agree we should buy. I neither loved nor hated it; I was so caught up in the whole first-house scenario that I'd have been quite as thrilled if it had been a mud-brick hut! By the time we parted ways 15 years later, the house was so full of bad memories that I was tremendously relieved to see the last of it.

House #2 was bought by me when I returned to the USA after leaving house #1 (I was just about 50 then). Because I was in a transition period employmentwise and financially, I house-hunted from a strictly practical standpoint: price, taxes, location and condition. I was lucky to find something that fit all those requirements nicely. It was a small late-1940s development home on a tiny plot around which I eventually created a lovely garden from what had been nothing but weeds and dirt. I was fond of the house because it was the first home that was 100% owned and occupied by ME and no one else, but I did not LOVE the house and somehow could not picture myself spending the rest of my life in it. I felt "neutral" when I eventually sold it. (I did love my garden though, and was sad to leave that; even sadder when I saw how the new owner let it run to wrack and ruin!)

House #3 is my present home. After my father died I sold his house and realized that if I sold my house (#2) as well, I would have enough to buy a more appealing house for myself, for cash. After looking for 8 months, I saw this house and fell head over heels in love with everything about it at first sight. Unlike all the other homes I'd been looking at, this one needed "updating" (the dreaded euphemism!); it was too big and needed too much work but I blithely forged ahead anyway, disregarding several practical aspects about the purchase that I should have thought of but didn't. Five years and far too much money later, this house is a financial millstone around my neck (property taxes almost doubled after the renovations and improvements I made) as well as presenting physical challenges (new and worsening knee and back problems don't fit well with a center-hall colonial). I will actually lose money when I sell it, because I have put more into it than I could ever realize on sale, even in a 'hot market'. In other words: The honeymoon is definitely over, and I'm looking for a divorce! Hence my current house-hunting.

Whatever house I buy will have to be the one that I live in for the rest of my life; with luck, hopefully that will be at least 40 years! Armed with the experiences of my three homes plus the one I grew up in, I have a long and detailed list of what I want and don't want. 95% of these things are logical and practical (location, price, current taxes, house style, minimum square footage, attached 2-car garage, public water supply, minimum ½ acre lot, no inground swimming pool). A few are preferences (number of bedrooms and baths, no high ceilings). I also won't buy a house that I'd need to expand (have learned my lesson!). I did look into the possibility of new construction but that is just not an option: No land available where I want to live + Not enough money!

I have been househunting now for six months and 95% of them were not anything near what I wanted. A few were close, but all of those were out of my price and/or taxes range. I have not yet seen ANY house that produced a "this is it, I love this house!" reaction (which did happen with this house, so I *know* there is such a thing! ) But two weeks ago I saw a house that appears to satisfy many of my 'logical' requirements. It is the right price, the right taxes, quite possibly the right location (I do need to check into a topography situation), the right style (ranch, handicap-accessible for future needs), non-updated so that I could go mad on renovations with a clear conscience, and has no swimming pool. It is smaller than I wanted (2100 vs min 2500 sf) and has 3 bedrooms instead of 4 (one bedroom and a small bath need to be turned into something else, so it would end up being a 2-bedroom/1 bath home if I bought it). It has been on the market for 6 months and is currently vacant. It was built in the 1970s and appears to have been kept in good condition. I have looked at it twice and am going back this week for a third look.

LOGICALLY, I should probably buy this house. I don't DISLIKE it (except for the hallway leading to the bedrooms, which is extremely, annoyingly, almost-claustrophobically narrow and makes me worry somewhat about furniture-delivery issues) but I don't LOVE it either. I've tried to picture myself being comfortable and happy with living there for the next 40-plus years but don't get any clear reaction one way or the other to that thought. Then again… my love at first sight reaction to the house I now have, deluded me into imagining myself here at age 90something which I now realize was just that: A delusion. Practical matters of money and health (which I failed to take into consideration before) have killed that notion stone dead.

So after all this rambling (sorry!) my question is: How important do you think an emotional reaction to a house is, or should be, when you are looking? Is "finding the perfect house" in the same category as "finding your soulmate" – in other words, sometimes it does happen but most times it's just a cultural-fairytale-miracle that we shouldn't waste valuable time and other opportunities in searching for? Strangely, I don't believe that there is such a thing as a Love-at-First-Sight/Forever-Right relationship for every person… so why am I looking for that same thing to happen with a house??

I'm so perplexed!!

[Taboo]

You know that you have to make this decision. Do you like what you see out the windows ?? Is the area safe ?? Is it peaceful enough for you ? Is there room for your new garden ? You have to write down all your needs and wants and go from there. Sometimes we want to move so very badly that we compromise and are unhappy later. The hallway issue is not an easy fix and if you find it claustrophobic now... you will hate it soon !! My advice is keep looking... the market is just starting to wake up and it has been a very boring winter. Go around your present home and do some yardwork, rearrange some furniture etc... you can watch HGTV to find out some good cheap fix-ups to keep you busy which will improve your spirits and also help out when you sell. I just went out and bought all new doorknobs for our home to replace all the discolored ones for when we sell ( yes I am jonesin' too but alas I also have to wait for the moment). Enjoy the change of seasons.... the right one will come along and perhaps it will be just a little less of the practical things you want but it makes your soul happy. Who wouldn't give up a couple hundred square feet or a dishwasher for a happy and peaceful soul.?? Best of Luck... oh, and breathe !!!!

[christina0001]

I think there is 1 soulmate for every person, but there are plenty of "perfect" houses for a person. Is what you want realistic for your price range? If so, and you haven't found the right one for you yet, then keep looking.

[kates56]

You are right on! Emotion should enter into buying a home! There are many factors in buying a home: Environmentally safe, location, financially affordable and emotion. You have to love it or come close to loving it or can actually see past the yuckiness of the home and for a good price put your love into this home. Sometimes you need vision. But, for the right price, esp now in a buyers market, and the right vision, it'll be yours. Kate

[windflower]

Originally Posted by christina0001

Is what you want realistic for your price range?

Ah, now that is somewhat of a problem, because it would be unusual to find what I'm truly looking for, in my price range, unless it needs major TLC, has structural issues, and/or is in an undesirable neighbourhood. To start with, ranches themselves (as a house style) are by far in the minority; there are much fewer of those than two-story homes, and it's even harder to find a true wideline instead of a farm ranch or high-ranch. The great majority of ranches on Long Island fall into one of two categories: too small (1800 sf or less) or too expensive (the right size, but at least $200K more than I can responsibly spend on the house itself, before renovations, and I refuse to get into debt for any house). Many of those that were 2000 sf or more also had taxes as high as what I am paying now, and 50% of my motivation to move is to cut my property tax bill back to an affordable level.

My buyer agent agrees that it would take a specific set of circumstances to find what I am really looking for, in my price range. Not impossible, but not commonly found either.

I know I will end up having to put about $100K into whatever home I buy, in order to make it into what I want to have (interior and exterior). The home that I'm dithering over, IS in a price range where I can still do that without putting myself in a financial bind; all of the other ones I've seen in the same price range have been much smaller (1600-1800 sf) and/or have had other non-correctable issues that eliminated them from consideration.

[windflower]

Originally Posted by Taboo

Do you like what you see out the windows ?? Is the area safe ?? Is it peaceful enough for you ? Is there room for your new garden ? You have to write down all your needs and wants and go from there. Sometimes we want to move so very badly that we compromise and are unhappy later. The hallway issue is not an easy fix and if you find it claustrophobic now... you will hate it soon !!

Many thanks, Taboo! The neighbourhood itself seems quiet (which is what I'm looking for). The surrounding houses and properties look well maintained. There are some mature evergreens along two of the property lines (I'm big on privacy, so I'd want or have to plant plenty of those). Part of the property is already landscaped; the rest could definitely be converted from lawn to what I ultimately want to have. The size of the lot is manageable -- just a tad below a half acre -- for me to maintain by myself. There is a deck already there which I can enclose into a patio room (a definitely plan-to, as I have one in this house which I love and use constantly). The house on the south side has a rock waterfall in their backyard which provides a lovely soothing sound (though possibly also a buffet for the red-tailed hawk that I heard the first time I saw the house!)

I spent a good two hours today making yet another Pro and Con list, as well as a very detailed room-by-room list to take with me when I see the house again next week. That list has every thought, question or idea that has come into my head about every part of the house, so hopefully by the time I go through it all I will have a better handle on my reactions to everything. One thing I had not thought to do was actually sit in the various rooms...somehow it just seems inappropriate to sit on someone else's furniture without being invited to! (This is an estate sale; the house is being sold by the administrator of the will.) I will definitely take your advice and be sure to slow down and take time to look through all of the windows, etc! Somehow when going through a house, one never stops to actually do that ... I wonder why not? Maybe because we're in so much of a rush to SEE everything, and it all becomes "input overload"?

You are right about the hallway... it's the one structural thing I can't change, and I keep wondering if I would indeed hate it later on or whether, having owned 2 of 3 houses with large rooms and wide hallways, it's simply that I'm just used to having the wider space? My agent did agree with me, though, that the hallway IS narrower than usually seen. Then again... it IS a hallway, not a room. *sigh*

[Racelady88]

For me, there is no emotion in house hunting. Practical, sensible, affordable are my big issues. If I hate the neighborhood I won't even consider the house. A house is what you make of it, be it just a house or a home.

[Taboo]

Windflower...I know what you mean by not taking the time to look... it happens to me all the time. There is a home I love ... We were scheduled to see it last labor day weekend.We drove the 8 hours to go there and the guy who owns it pulled it off the market the morning we were to see it. We went and walked the property and I loved it but put it out of my mind (as much as possible) the what ifs...and would I love the insides.... got the best of me and I looked the guy up and called him right after christmas. He told me to call him after the new year and we could talk about the house and seeing it as he was still going to sell someday but was in no rush and was not going to list with real estate again. I was tempted to call on the 2nd but refrained as I felt he would not find me amusing. We went to the area a few weeks ago and I called the owner and he said to come by... I was SO excited to see the inside that I walked around in a daze.... I loved it and did not want to leave. I was so dumbfounded to finally be IN the house I have no idea if the bedrooms have closets...talk about DUH !!!! The house is SO what I love... not perfect but the space is there and the view is great and I could see me there forever. Needless to say... when we are in the area again I will be calling to see if we can see it again and I too will have a list of what to look for and questions to ask. I was thinking of something I did when I bought my home. I measured the rooms in the house I was in so when I measured the new house I could say.. oh, this bedroom is the same size as the sewing room at home etc... so I had an idea in my head of what space in the new was comparable to the old. If I think of any more ideas I will let you know. Best of Luck to you and by all means... sit in each room...even if on the floor.. think of what you will make it into..where your things will go....enjoy !!

[luckyduck]

I visited a house last week 2 days in a row because the moment I saw it I fell in love (so did the hubby and kids). So we went the day after to make sure we really loved it and we did. We went home that night and started making plans of where stuff will go, etc., using the floorplan in the seller's booklet. A few days later we were ready to make an offer and made an appt to see it again for a 3rd time. And guess what? The 3rd time was not a charm for us. The place looked a lot smaller after we made plans of what will go where, then realized, oh crap, IT WON'T FIT! So my advice to you is... if you have the luxury to go to the house you like several days in a row, you should. This way, there's no romanticizing in between. Try to measure the place like Taboo said, if there is no floor plan provided (and be wary of measurements on the plan anyway... they were not accurate for us and measured bigger than actual). Also, sitting is a good idea, too. The hubby said one of the rooms didn't give him a good vibe at first, but when he sat down, he realized it wasn't so bad.

[sunsprit]

If you're seeking the last house of your life, then I suggest you consider now a smaller place than you've been looking at.

My wife and I went through several 2,300 to 2,800 sq ft houses with many more bedrooms, office spaces, bathrooms, etc., than we'd ever possibly need. We struggled to even furnish the places, with big living rooms or great rooms becoming my stereo lab with almost no furniture there and in much of the house.

Recognizing what the real spaces were that we used and lived in, and that my wife was comfortable maintaining, we've downsized to a 1,300 sq ft house which is very manageable and comfortable for us. We don't have a lot of furniture in 2 bedrooms, 2 baths, and a very modest living/dining area alongside an "eat-in" kitchen. The house has enough storage space and a large walk-in pantry for our needs.

Augmenting the house is our barns and outbuildings for the farm and 1/3 section ranch property that the house sits on. In the long term, when we are no longer able to pursue our organic farming/ranching, we'll be able to lease out those facilities and still have our privacy and modest house, our 20x32 greenhouse, and a modest garden area next to our 2 car detached garage with a workshop.

The immediate and long term upside of getting into a smaller house now is lower taxes, lower costs of operation & maintenance, lesser work to keep it clean and tidy. When we remodeled some of it, the costs were much less than trying to do kitchen and bathrooms in a much larger house.

For us, this modest house and property had a big "wow" factor immediately. Room for us, easy to maintain, very low taxes (the whole ranch is less than $2,000/year), and met our real needs. Oh, and the acquisition cost was manageable ... we paid cash for the place out of the proceeds from our last equity.

I also own a large house in a resort area in Colorado, and we've already approached it the same way. We're keeping the garden level 2 bed/1bath apartment for ourselves, and leasing out the main 4bd/2ba house for the long term. I get the income from the leased premises, the house stays occupied and the grounds maintained, and I have a 900 sq ft home to come to when I stay there, or to have friends stay there to ski or enjoy the mountains in the summer.