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Unread 06-09-2010, 01:54 PM
 
Location: Maryland
41 posts, read 71,461 times
Reputation: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by le roi View Post
indecisive,

guys have various thresholds. if they like you enough to want to sleep with you, that's the lowest hurdle to clear. if they like you enough to want to hang out consistently, that's a higher hurdle. if they like you enough to have a committed exclusive relationship, that's an even higher hurdle to clear.

it takes very little for a man to want to pursue a woman for sex. you don't have to be anybody special, it is basically a given. on the other hand, if you want him to pursue you for a serious relationship, you have to bring much more to the table, relatively speaking.

given how easy it is to lie, mislead, misinterpret, or misdirect the question, asking a guy if he's interested in a serious relationship is probably not the best way to find out if he is interested in a serious relationship. Assuming he tells you the truth, chances are good that he interprets the question as, "Are you interested in a serious relationship with ME?"
We have slept together, but we still hang out now that I told him I only wanted to be friends so I'm taking it that he at least enjoys my company. I honestly haven't really been interested in anyone else I've gone out with since him so I guess I'm not ready for a relationship with anyone but him. At least I haven't found anyone yet that has made me want one. However, I'm still going to try to find someone that peaks my interest enough to pursue more with because I do want a relationship.
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Unread 06-09-2010, 01:56 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,347 posts, read 6,134,686 times
Reputation: 9915
It means they would be happy to spend time with you, go out with you, and have sex with you, but they don't want to be in a relationship with you. Maybe there isn't enough of a connection to their tastes, or maybe they don't want to get serious with a single mother, or maybe a lot of different things...

Personally I like the fact that most men will tell you straight up that they aren't "ready" for a relationship (and in my experience you don't even have to ask. Listen up, they will tell you). That women ignore it, or try to convince themselves that a guy really means something different when they say it - see post #8 - isn't the man's fault. I know where I stand with these guys, and I can either have fun casually dating them, or I can say thanks but no thanks.
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Unread 06-09-2010, 04:22 PM
 
Location: Maryland
41 posts, read 71,461 times
Reputation: 27
I don't think he means something different by it. I think he means he isn't ready for a relationship right now. I am also going to date other people. But he has told me he sees something between us and likes me so I don't want to cut off all contact with him.
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Unread 06-09-2010, 04:30 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,853 posts, read 49,247,436 times
Reputation: 22661
There are NO busy men. There are NO scared men. There are only men who want you and men who don't.

As far as this "dating," how is it defined...? Is the date an activity partner or a free hooker? In my experience men don't look for female activity partners, so it ought to be the latter.
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Unread 06-09-2010, 04:32 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,853 posts, read 49,247,436 times
Reputation: 22661
Quote:
Originally Posted by indecisive09 View Post
I think he means he isn't ready for a relationship right now.
And what the hell is he doing on an online dating site then? Oh, yeah, he's too poor or too cheap to be on an escort site, where he really wants to be.
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Unread 06-09-2010, 04:34 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,347 posts, read 6,134,686 times
Reputation: 9915
Quote:
Originally Posted by indecisive09 View Post
I don't think he means something different by it. I think he means he isn't ready for a relationship right now. I am also going to date other people. But he has told me he sees something between us and likes me so I don't want to cut off all contact with him.
"Right now" huh? And he likes you and "sees something" between you so you'll keep sleeping with him while you continue "dating" others?

I already know what new thread you'll be doing in a couple of months. Jus remember this: he didn't lie to you, told you the truth straight up.
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Unread 06-09-2010, 04:46 PM
 
Location: Maryland
41 posts, read 71,461 times
Reputation: 27
We are no longer sleeping together. We still hang out when we can and talk everyday but I told him all the physical stuff had to stop unless we were in a relationship.
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Unread 06-09-2010, 04:51 PM
 
4,783 posts, read 2,321,908 times
Reputation: 2337
Quote:
Originally Posted by indecisive09 View Post
We are no longer sleeping together. We still hang out when we can and talk everyday but I told him all the physical stuff had to stop unless we were in a relationship.
So why did you have sex with him in the beginning if there was no relationship?
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Unread 06-09-2010, 04:51 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
15,274 posts, read 12,979,699 times
Reputation: 21504
Quote:
Originally Posted by indecisive09 View Post
We are no longer sleeping together. We still hang out when we can and talk everyday but I told him all the physical stuff had to stop unless we were in a relationship.

It doesn`t sound like this guy is doing it for you. Move on!! Oh, and good luck!!!
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Unread 06-09-2010, 04:51 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,347 posts, read 6,134,686 times
Reputation: 9915
Quote:
Originally Posted by indecisive09 View Post
We are no longer sleeping together. We still hang out when we can and talk everyday but I told him all the physical stuff had to stop unless we were in a relationship.
That is definitely a wise decision that you've made. Keep it that way and goo luck!
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