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Old 06-09-2010, 01:10 PM
 
Location: Maryland
41 posts, read 162,999 times
Reputation: 28

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Ok, so the last three guys I have gone on dates with have told me they aren't ready for a relationship or aren't looking for anything serious. They just want to date. One told me upfront before we even went on a date while the other two waited until we had gone on 3 or 4 dates. One of the guys I felt a connection with, and I am pretty sure he likes me too (he told me he did and his actions made it seem like it). However, I told him it would be better to just be friends since he wasn't ready for anything serious. I know he has a lot going on in his life right now, and I told him if he got to a point where he was ready and wanted a relationship with me to let me know, but I'm not holding my breath or waiting around for him. I met all of these men on an online dating site. I'm sure several people on here will just say they don't want a relationship with me, and for 2 of the 3 guys, I would agree. Are there really that many people out there that just want to date without getting into a relationship? Has anyone honestly "not been ready" even if you met someone you really liked? Why were you not ready? If so, how long did it take you to become ready?
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Old 06-09-2010, 01:15 PM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,236 posts, read 39,538,400 times
Reputation: 10886
I wouldn't date unless I was prepared to enter an exclusive relationship.
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Old 06-09-2010, 01:16 PM
 
10,676 posts, read 11,132,227 times
Reputation: 4723
To be blunt and coming from a guy, these guys likely are just not that into you. Most of the time when a guy just wants to date, it's because he doesn't find you that attractive, but wouldn't mind fooling around with you until something better comes along.
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Old 06-09-2010, 01:17 PM
 
Location: NYC area
3,486 posts, read 4,851,589 times
Reputation: 3844
Some people have an aversion to mapping out a future with someone they've just met. I know I do. Even if I feel a connection with someone, I just want to go on dates for a while, see how it goes, and if it feels right after a while, decide that we are in a "relationship". Having to make a decision right away whether you are in a "relationship" or not creates too much pressure.

That said, if you've been dating a guy for a while and he likes you but doesn't want a relationship, it means simply that he doesn't like you enough. People can be amazingly flexible with their love life "rules" if they are genuinely drawn to you and don't want to lose you to someone else.
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Old 06-09-2010, 01:20 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,506 posts, read 17,003,172 times
Reputation: 9314
Quote:
Originally Posted by indecisive09 View Post
Ok, so the last three guys I have gone on dates with have told me they aren't ready for a relationship or aren't looking for anything serious. They just want to date. One told me upfront before we even went on a date while the other two waited until we had gone on 3 or 4 dates. One of the guys I felt a connection with, and I am pretty sure he likes me too (he told me he did and his actions made it seem like it). However, I told him it would be better to just be friends since he wasn't ready for anything serious. I know he has a lot going on in his life right now, and I told him if he got to a point where he was ready and wanted a relationship with me to let me know, but I'm not holding my breathor waiting around for him. I met all of these men on an online dating site. I'm sure several people on here will just say they don't want a relationship with me, and for 2 of the 3 guys, I would agree. Are there really that many people out there that just want to date without getting into a relationship? Has anyone honestly "not been ready" even if you met someone you really liked? Why were you not ready? If so, how long did it take you to become ready?
I know, who wants to hear that, right? But when I was dating and that happened, that's how I took it because it has happened where, shortly after, I'd see them in a serious relationship. Same with me, I'd date someone and didn't want to hurt their feelings, so I told them I wasn't ready for a relationship. It just wasn't cliquing with us. When 'the right one' comes along, 9 x out of 10, the one claiming that will suddenly be ready. Sometimes you don't think you're looking until that one comes along and blind sides you.
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Old 06-09-2010, 01:22 PM
 
400 posts, read 684,823 times
Reputation: 473
Maybe they're just looking for sex.
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Old 06-09-2010, 01:24 PM
 
83 posts, read 120,394 times
Reputation: 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by indecisive09 View Post
Ok, so the last three guys I have gone on dates with have told me they aren't ready for a relationship or aren't looking for anything serious. They just want to date. One told me upfront before we even went on a date while the other two waited until we had gone on 3 or 4 dates. One of the guys I felt a connection with, and I am pretty sure he likes me too (he told me he did and his actions made it seem like it). However, I told him it would be better to just be friends since he wasn't ready for anything serious. I know he has a lot going on in his life right now, and I told him if he got to a point where he was ready and wanted a relationship with me to let me know, but I'm not holding my breath or waiting around for him. I met all of these men on an online dating site. I'm sure several people on here will just say they don't want a relationship with me, and for 2 of the 3 guys, I would agree. Are there really that many people out there that just want to date without getting into a relationship? Has anyone honestly "not been ready" even if you met someone you really liked? Why were you not ready? If so, how long did it take you to become ready?

To be honest with you - When a guy says he wants to 'date' only, it means that he is just not feeling that "connection" that would propel you both into the relationship zone...Even if you feel it. So, if these guys are telling you this, move on.
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Old 06-09-2010, 01:25 PM
 
Location: Maryland
41 posts, read 162,999 times
Reputation: 28
One of the guys just seems confused about what he wants. He mentioned not being ready for anything serious but later asked hypothetically if things did get serious, would I consider moving to where he lives (about an hour or so from me). It seemed like things were going great, and he was actually wanting a relationship but pulled himself back for some reason. I know this guy has a lot going on, and we have stayed in contact after I told him I thought we should just be friends (contact initiated by both of us) texting quite a bit. My instincts say he likes me, but he is scared and doesn't think he can give me the time and attention for a relationship. I'm going to date other people, and we will stay friends. I guess I was just wondering if my instincts were all messed up or not lol.
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Old 06-09-2010, 01:30 PM
 
22,770 posts, read 24,492,229 times
Reputation: 14499
indecisive,

guys have various thresholds. if they like you enough to want to sleep with you, that's the lowest hurdle to clear. if they like you enough to want to hang out consistently, that's a higher hurdle. if they like you enough to have a committed exclusive relationship, that's an even higher hurdle to clear.

it takes very little for a man to want to pursue a woman for sex. you don't have to be anybody special, it is basically a given. on the other hand, if you want him to pursue you for a serious relationship, you have to bring much more to the table, relatively speaking.

given how easy it is to lie, mislead, misinterpret, or misdirect the question, asking a guy if he's interested in a serious relationship is probably not the best way to find out if he is interested in a serious relationship. Assuming he tells you the truth, chances are good that he interprets the question as, "Are you interested in a serious relationship with ME?"

Last edited by le roi; 06-09-2010 at 01:43 PM..
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Old 06-09-2010, 01:40 PM
 
6,241 posts, read 5,664,563 times
Reputation: 3539
I make it clear from the start that I have no intentions for a relationship. I have travelled around the world with another girl in different ocassions. Just her and me. And from the start I make my intentions clear. I wouldn't want to have her crying in the airport asking me where our relationship is going. In my case, there are no "I love you" exchanges or things of that nature. Just go out and enjoy each other's company.

Date or not, you, as a woman, don't have much to loose. Enjoy your free dinners, movies, flowers, gifts, chivalry, etc. And its all good . If things don't end up in a relationship, at least you made a friend, right? Try not to put your heart in it in the early stages of your friendship or in any stage until both of you are more assured of what's going on between the two of you. I tell that to myself as well when I start to feel jealous because the girl I was dating went out with a guy the other night or because she has not answered my call for a while. I remind myself "Hey! She's just your friend, cool off dude. She goes out with other guys just like you do with other girls".
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