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So. I met this guy at the gym. We work out together a few days a week. After a month or so of being around each other and chumming it up, he got up the nerve to ask me out. Apparently, I'm the first woman he's dated in a few years, and he also has some past issues, which he's in therapy for. He was initially very nervous around me, to the point where some of our interactions were downright awkward. Then, we started to grow close. Right when things felt really good, he started to say: "I really like you, but I'm not sure about the relationship thing..." Then, I get a call telling me he can't do a relationship... but he wants to keep the door open for the future. And then, he decided he just wants to see me at the gym and interact with me there.
Obviously, I'm a bit hurt and feel whiplash. He is very friendly when we see each other and seems to be happy. I, on the other hand, really struggle to even look at him. I guess I want to know, what the hell?
From a 61 yr old happily married man who had plenty of relationship experience before getting married nine years ago......... go with what he wants (no relationship) and be nice to him when you see him. He doesn't want/is not ready for what you want......end of story!
Don't be like I was for way too many years, so desperate to have a relationship that I absolutely hated hearing the word "no"!
Quote:
Originally Posted by kicked out of the garden
So. I met this guy at the gym. We work out together a few days a week. After a month or so of being around each other and chumming it up, he got up the nerve to ask me out. Apparently, I'm the first woman he's dated in a few years, and he also has some past issues, which he's in therapy for. He was initially very nervous around me, to the point where some of our interactions were downright awkward. Then, we started to grow close. Right when things felt really good, he started to say: "I really like you, but I'm not sure about the relationship thing..." Then, I get a call telling me he can't do a relationship... but he wants to keep the door open for the future. And then, he decided he just wants to see me at the gym and interact with me there.
Obviously, I'm a bit hurt and feel whiplash. He is very friendly when we see each other and seems to be happy. I, on the other hand, really struggle to even look at him. I guess I want to know, what the hell?
He might need a gentle push...say YOU ask him out for a coffee and glass of wine..if you are really interested. So he might have some insecurities - don't we all? You failed to mention you are a stunning knock-out and he might be intimidated...anyway, he might just be a basket-case walking-wounded sorry-butted loser or he might be someone really great...take the lead and see what happens. All he can do is say "no".
I am a knock-out! He is terribly insecure. And he is a basket case. I'm just trying to respect his wishes but it is damn hard. I'm not good at rollercoasters. But I also think I could try to be his friend.
Question.....why on earth would you WANT this guy as you describe him below (in red)???????
Quote:
Originally Posted by kicked out of the garden
I am a knock-out! He is terribly insecure. And he is a basket case. I'm just trying to respect his wishes but it is damn hard. I'm not good at rollercoasters. But I also think I could try to be his friend.
He has ALREADY said "no" to her! What more does he need to say??? We all know what she wants to hear, but that sure isn't what he's telling her!!
[quote=cwaggy;14557246]He might need a gentle push...say YOU ask him out for a coffee and glass of wine..if you are really interested. So he might have some insecurities - don't we all? You failed to mention you are a stunning knock-out and he might be intimidated...anyway, he might just be a basket-case walking-wounded sorry-butted loser or he might be someone really great...take the lead and see what happens. All he can do is say "no".[/QUOTE]
It seems he recognizes his own limitations right now and he's proceeding accordingly. Probably best for the both of you. It's possible he told his therapist about you and the therapist recommended he does not pursue a relationship at this time. Tough to say, but if it were me I'd keep things cordial and just move on.
... Apparently, I'm the first woman he's dated in a few years...
A few YEARS? no Small wonderwith his wishy-washy approach! He doesn't seem to know what he wants:
Quote:
Originally Posted by kicked out of the garden
After a month or so of being around each other and chumming it up, he got up the nerve to ask me out. .. He was initially very nervous around me, to the point where some of our interactions were downright awkward. ... Right when things felt really good, he started to say: "I really like you, but I'm not sure about the relationship thing..." ... Then, I get a call telling me he can't do a relationship... but he wants to keep the door open for the future. ... what the hell?
What the hell is right!
You go to the gym, you're probably in great shape - I would recommend lacing up the running shoes and hitting warp speed.
So. I met this guy at the gym. We work out together a few days a week. After a month or so of being around each other and chumming it up, he got up the nerve to ask me out. Apparently, I'm the first woman he's dated in a few years, and he also has some past issues, which he's in therapy for. He was initially very nervous around me, to the point where some of our interactions were downright awkward. Then, we started to grow close. Right when things felt really good, he started to say: "I really like you, but I'm not sure about the relationship thing..." Then, I get a call telling me he can't do a relationship... but he wants to keep the door open for the future. And then, he decided he just wants to see me at the gym and interact with me there.
Obviously, I'm a bit hurt and feel whiplash. He is very friendly when we see each other and seems to be happy. I, on the other hand, really struggle to even look at him. I guess I want to know, what the hell?
He's jerking you around, whether intentionally or not. Just tell him that you're officially off-limits romantically to him and be done with it.
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