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Realistically most people kick the bucket in the 70s. And I don't know about you, but the last 20 I had with my gram were too short to notice. I think if you are counting down the death days to avoid caring about someone....thats just sick.
They are older. They are not going to be around for much longer. Nice parents are much harder to find than parents who have things on a row. You can always put things in a row but you can't make a sourpuss sweet. That is for sure!
Homeownership is not for everyone. You don't have to support them. They are adults and can take care of themselves. You just need to let your girlfriend know and them know where you stand to avoid fighting about it.
They do have options for health insurance due to the income and age. Its rather disrespectful for you to not want to have anything to do with them to help out. The whole reason your girlfriend even exists is because of them. You need to respect your elders and start thinking like a family. You are going to get old one day too and just because you think you are making all the right choices now, does not mean it will result in the comfort you imagined.
These aren't my parents. They wanted to be artists and musicians knowing full well they were going to struggle financially. Why should I go to work/school and work hard to financial support grown adults. When I have kids and they become adults and they want to pick a less financially stable career, then they need to support themselves.
I don't work hard EVERYDAY to provide for lazy adults. Call me a republican.
I think one trip to the hospital with no insurance means her parents are in big trouble, not the OP. He's not legally responsible for their bills/debts. If he wants to take them over, fine, but if he doesn't want to, it's not his problem. But it may be a problem between him and his wife.
There is low income health care. And still I think thats crappy that you would rather let someone's parents rot and die than part with your precious money.
I could see if the were jerks..maybe...lol
But seriously...wtf ?
My guess is the girl is probably going to dump you for being shallow and cold.
If you don't love her enough to help her family out then the fair thing to do is to let her go. If she is really a great gal I'm sure she can land a rich husband who will be willing to help out her family while spending only a small portion of his income.
I've known plenty of people in this situation. They send thousands of dollars per month to their families in 3rd world countries without ever griping about it, and they also think of their in-laws as if they were their own parents. One of my friends just bought his in-laws a new condo. The in-laws are hard working people, just never really made a lot of money. It is a fact that parents age and will need help if not financially, then timewise - it happens to almost everyone who outlive their parents. If your parents are still alive, it will also happen to you someday - and I'm sure your gf is willing to help them out if she is as great as you say.
That's just what marriage is about. If you aren't willing to think of her parents as your own, and take care of people in need, then maybe this arrangement isn't for you.
That being said you should sit down and have a serious talk with her about this. If you are struggling to make ends meet (and therefore fearful of having to support other people) then you probably shouldn't be considering marriage either.
You also cannot expect her to abandon her parents and let them starve. :P She will hate you forever. Have a heart and be honest with her so she can make a decision about it. While she is beautiful and young, she should have a chance to find somebody who is willing and able to take care of her and her parents.
These aren't my parents. They wanted to be artists and musicians knowing full well they were going to struggle financially. Why should I go to work/school and work hard to financial support grown adults. When I have kids and they become adults and they want to pick a less financially stable career, then they need to support themselves.
I don't work hard EVERYDAY to provide for lazy adults. Call me a republican.
Well thats not what I would call you. I would not want to insult republicans.
Why? Because what matters to your partner for life should matter to you too. And its just the decent thing to do.
I don't know what to say here. I just wanted to comment on the last statment.
I've owned my own home, sold it about 5 years ago and, as of this moment, I never want to own another. A lot of good people don't own homes. I don't think any less of them. I hope I'm reading too much into that statement but it sounds like not.
I think NOT owning your home in full by the time you are 62 is probably the worst thing imaginable. Especially we you live in a high priced city. Could you imaging spending $1200 a month on rent in your 60s, 70s, 80s, until you die?
Her dad has a small business workimg by himself and he doesn't make much money from it and it truly is a struggle for him to even pay rent at 60 years old!!!
My parents on the other hand owned their home by time they were in their early 40s and retired very comfortable at 62-65.
Until I've met my girlfriends parents I never knew older people (60+) that were struggling so much financially. NO way in hell will that be me. I think i know what needs to happen, but my heart cant seem to break away
There is low income health care. And still I think thats crappy that you would rather let someone's parents rot and die than part with your precious money.
I could see if the were jerks..maybe...lol
But seriously...wtf ?
My guess is the girl is probably going to dump you for being shallow and cold.
For me that still didn't stop her from cheating! If you want a sucker, don't cheat on him for crying out loud!
My guess is the girl is probably going to dump you for being shallow and cold.
Probably. I would. I'd add "suspicious" and "fearful" to the list, too. He's putting the cart before the horse and just assuming that she and her parents want to get their hands into his wallet. That's not exactly giving any of them the benefit of the doubt.
Quote:
Originally Posted by miyu
That being said you should sit down and have a serious talk with her about this. If you are struggling to make ends meet (and therefore fearful of having to support other people) then you probably shouldn't be considering marriage either.
You also cannot expect her to abandon her parents and let them starve. :P She will hate you forever. Have a heart and be honest with her so she can make a decision about it. While she is beautiful and young, she should have a chance to find somebody who is willing and able to take care of her and her parents.
All that needs to be done is for her to manage her own money her way after she pays her part of the joint expenses. If she wants to help her parents with it, that is something he will have to accept. If not, there are plenty of men out there who wouldn't have a problem with it. In fact, her concern and love for her parents would probably be endearing to quite a few.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrDrDaddyO
I think NOT owning your home in full by the time you are 62 is probably the worst thing imaginable. Especially we you live in a high priced city. Could you imaging spending $1200 a month on rent in your 60s, 70s, 80s, until you die?
Her dad has a small business workimg by himself and he doesn't make much money from it and it truly is a struggle for him to even pay rent at 60 years old!!!
My parents on the other hand owned their home by time they were in their early 40s and retired very comfortable at 62-65.
Until I've met my girlfriends parents I never knew older people (60+) that were struggling so much financially. NO way in hell will that be me. I think i know what needs to happen, but my heart cant seem to break away
You're living in a bubble. A great, big, sheltered bubble of naivete and priggishness. What a spoiled little snob.
For one thing, did you just miss that whole recession we just had? Plenty of people who saved and invested and planned for their futures were wiped out financially and are now struggling to make ends meet.
For another, if you think not owning a home is the worst thing imaginable, you've never known anyone with a long, drawn-out, painful, fatal illness--which, by the way, can empty a millionaire's vault depending on what it is.
Let the woman go so she can find someone not so larval and myopic.
Probably. I would. I'd add "suspicious" and "fearful" to the list, too. He's putting the cart before the horse and just assuming that she and her parents want to get their hands into his wallet. That's not exactly giving any of them the benefit of the doubt.
All that needs to be done is for her to manage her own money her way after she pays her part of the joint expenses. If she wants to help her parents with it, that is something he will have to accept. If not, there are plenty of men out there who wouldn't have a problem with it.
You're living in a bubble. A great, big, sheltered bubble of naivete and priggishness. What a spoiled little snob.
For one thing, did you just miss that whole recession we just had? Plenty of people who saved and invested and planned for their futures were wiped out financially and are now struggling to make ends meet.
For another, if you think not owning a home is the worst thing imaginable, you've never known anyone with a long, drawn-out, painful, fatal illness.
Let the woman go so she can find someone not so larval and myopic.
You obviously are not a man.
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