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Most of the women I have dated who have children are terrible parents, I would say probably 80% of parents out there have absolutely no idea what they are doing, the way Generation Y has turned out is a great indicator of the parenting crisis in this country, most of these kids in their early 20's have absolutely no idea what life is about, they have been fed so much BS by their parents and most have hard times adjusting to the real world once they leave home, if they ever leave home, it seems like the new trend now is living with your parents until you are like 30 years old, absolutely pathetic!
I don't mean to offend anyone but marriage and kids is for the birds and I don't seem to find any rational reason that would make me want to do it.
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It's not so bad to be alone. In fact, it can be an adventure in and of itself. You have more time to devote to your hobbies and pasttimes, explore the world, and wax philosophically about the nature of things, or simply kicking back and vegging out. As long as you have adequate food, clothing, shelter, retirement savings, and adequate extra money to pursue your pasttimes, marriage and children do not matter. Anybody who says marriage and children do matter is seeing the world through survival-instinct-colored-glasses (including the survival of the human race via procreation).
Besides, having a spouse and children also brings in hidden non-monetary costs like more pressure to conform to society's expectations of what a respect-worthy person is - even "dos" and "don'ts" regarding personal eccentricities (don't wanna embarrass the SO/spouse and kids with your weird, odd, eccentric behaviors and opinions, after all). In short, starting a family usually = the death of your individuality, sacrificing your dignity and self-respect in order to climb the social ladder, so we can make more money, to buy a bunch of useless crap, to impress people we don't like, and pass that attitude down to the next generation.
I refuse to be mother nature's tool, especially when I so strongly object to this make-a-beeline-for-the-praise-and-glory-for-your-peers mentality that so seems to pervade mainstream society; and if you have any self-respect, you will neither enslave yourself to, nor bring children into a society permeated with such ideas. If most people want to make such a beeline, then that's there choice. They're just gonna have to do it without my contribution of DNA.
I don't think there is anyone that believes men or women should marry, if they don't want to. It is a choice like most things in life. I do think, however, that many people will change their minds about marriage when they meet someone they want to be with for the long haul. Marriage is not easy, and that is why you should be discerning when you choose a partner. Many people rush into marriage before even knowing the person they are marrying well. I don't want to live alone for the rest of my life, but the reason I want to marry someday is to share my life with a person I love. It is not to have someone to take care of me or to try to manipulate a man in any way. I am sorry that so many posters have had bad experiences with women, but there are women out there that sacrifice for their families. I wonder about the poster's mothers. What kind of mother did a man have, if he dislikes women and marriage so strongly? To me it is sad that such young men are so jaded.
I suppose the other factor is the state you live in. In Virginia there is a very rigid formula implemented according to the parents income with clauses giving the ability to revisit the ruling should financial situations change. Some judges even ask for receipts to be turned in to the court appointed mediator to verify the expenses.
True, some states have better rules about this stuff than others. However, most states have it all backwards in that if you do file for a payment adjustment because your income situation changes, that can take 6 months or more to get a court date to make it happen. Meanwhile if you're on your ass and can't make your payments you can get tossed in jail for violating the support agreement. See how that's wrong? And this is why men are tossed in jail and labeled deadbeats. Almost all of the men who aren't paying is because they're broke. Again, read the book Taken Into Custody for a full explanation of how this racket works. In most states it's a damn shame.
Falling head over heels in love and feeling like you can't live without the person isn't rational! Doesn't mean it won't happen to you.
I was in a long term relationship for 6 years, we lived together and it was very close to a marriage, although she was my girlfriend, not my wife. It was a great relationship, she is still my best friend but this experience made me realize that it does not matter how good your relationship is, eventually people grow apart and get sick of each other.
After 5 years,it became a relationship of convenience, so she decided to end it and I agreed. Long story short, I moved to another city and we still see each other every once in a while. Our best sexual experiences have happened after we broke up and not anytime during our relationship.
This is probably the closest I have ever had to a "perfect relationship" and we hardly ever argued, had disagreements, and we enjoyed each other company 95% of the time.
The idea of getting back together is something that we have discussed BUT I honestly don't think it would be a good idea. I have dated several women since we broke up last October and I have not found anybody that would come even close to her.
Now, imagine what our breakup would have been like if we were not compatible and had 3 or 4 kids together, absolutely INSANE!
Like I said, I think marriage and kids is for the birds and most people do it simply because society expects them to, I would say, for the most part, a very irrational decision
No, thanks!
Last edited by Repubocrat; 06-20-2010 at 10:24 AM..
Ah, tis too bad nobody commented on Stephen Baskerville's book. For the Record ladies, Mr. Baskerville has examples of women getting screwed by the system too.
Like I said, I think marriage and kids is for the birds and most people do it simply because society expects them to, I would say, for the most part, a very irrational decision
No, thanks!
No, no. I have two birds, he has four, and we would not get married and have kids for our birds.
Seriously, though, I've been married, and I didn't like it, mainly because my wasband was a lost boy. Not a bad man, just too willing to let others do all work. Rather than continue to enable him, I divorced him. (And I say this because that was my part in the failure of the marriage, as all marriages take two to make or break and it's never just one person's fault. The minute someone blames everything on someone else, without taking responsibility for their own mistakes and failures, that's when I know I'm talking to someone who has some growing up to do.) There were other reasons, too, but that was a big one.
Now? I'm with a good man. We live less than three miles from each other. Seeing each other two or three times a week is plenty. He's got his space, I've got mine, neither of us has or wants kids, and if he changes his mind about kids someday, he knows he'll just have to go and find someone to have a family with (he's 33, I'm 43). Sure, we have our differences, but I can count the number of bonafide fights we've had in three years on one hand. Works for us.
BUT--and there's always a "but"--that is just us. Plenty of people are happily married, and plenty of people are happily married and have kids. More power to us, and more power to them.
People are individuals, and every relationship is unique. In my opinion, the people here who are speaking in absolutes and painting with broad brushes are guilty of intellectual laziness and emotional cowardice. It's easier to just write an entire sex off rather than put time and effort into getting to know--thinking about--each person they meet, and it's safer for their fragile little hearts to say things like "marriage sucks."
Whatever. No well-adjusted man or woman who would be interested in a healthy relationship would want them anyway. I suspect that's what really ticks them off. People are supposed to want them, so they can punish people with their rejections. Doesn't work that way, and it frustrates them.
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You must be kidding, it's like the best thing you can have, your personal freedom.
