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I would enjoy this as purely a fun relationship based on good sex. Don't invest any emotions in someone like him...living at home at his age with his mother...some men are such momma's boys.
A special 'thumbs up' to max's mama for her hilarious but oh so true statement about the 3 inches
I guess what you have to ask yourself is, what is your end game here? If you're contemplating something long term and possibly considering closing the distance between you two, then here's a few things to consider.
- You don't drive. That means, if you ever lived together you are at the mercy of his willingness to take you places.
- He's showing signs of controlling behavior, this will only worsen if the two of you become exclusive and eventually live together.
- He drinks a lot. At 38 years of age he's reaching the end of his physical prime and won't be able to keep getting drunk everyday without some adverse affects.
- It's still only the beginning. As Onglet stated, at one month, you're still putting your best foot forward. I'd guess all those cute little gestures of remembering small details and making you feel special won't last for several more months. Right now, you are fresh and exciting to him. As the months wear on and he's grown accustomed to you, that 70 mile drive is going to feel like 700 miles. It won't be long before he'll either insist you move closer to him (or in with him), or he starts cutting down his visits to short booty calls when he's feeling horny.
I'd say just take it one day at a time but don't invest too much more of yourself into this relationship. Take it slow and after another month or two you'll see for yourself whether or not he's going to be long term material. Something tells me he's not, and I think you know that as well. Until then, enjoy the great sex and just keep things light and breezy until it wears itself out.
I belive in AA if you sit around and drink alone alot you are an alcoholic or alteast have a drinking problem have your Bf take the this test.
I mean at 38 drinking at home by himself is a huge redflag like others have said. Trust me I had one of my best friends have a drinking problem he was great when sober but soon as he was loaded he did so much stupid stuff and lost his wife in a divorece and got his DL revoked for muitiple DUIs and what I learned is you can't change him he has to want to change. I know you are still in the party stage of life but for him years of alcohol abuse will start to catch up to him and trust me when it does you won't want to be around him.
Answer these 20 questions will give you an idea if your drinking patterns are safe, risky or harmful. The test is completely confidential and anonymous; your results are not recorded; and are available only to you. You are not asked for any personal identifying information.
This quiz does not provide a diagnosis of alcohol abuse, alcohol dependence or alcoholism. The results cannot substitute for a full evaluation by a healthcare professional, and should only be used as a guide to understanding your alcohol use and the potential health issues involved with it.
I would not date someone who gave me cause for concern - especially enough concern to ask other's opinions on the situation. You seem to understand that there are some major issues, but you don't seem to grasp the severity of the situation. If he is everything you say he is, he is setting you up for a world of hurt - mental and physical.
Wow. Just wow. I wonder how many people here actually read or just use CD as their personal soapbox.
The reason I think I will be seeing this guy for a while and I have readily opened myself up to him is that he's a lot like my ex (not the one I'm living with, but the only person I've ever been in love with), and that was probably the most fulfilling relationship I've ever had.
In general, I date a lot, but lose interest quickly. It's hard for me to find someone that really captures my attention for any longer than an extremely brief period of time, and when I do, I really want to hold on to them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sophialee
OP, you talk about how intelligent you are a lot. I have news for you... you aren't that smart! If you were you wouldn't even be asking this question
When do I talk about how intelligent I am?
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute
There is a reason he's still with his mommy too.
Who said he lived with his mom??? I know there are many legitimate reasons someone would have to move back in with their parents, but honestly I could never see myself dating someone that old who lived with their parents. He owns his own house.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sophialee
What does your ex say about him?
My ex says he's a good guy but finds him aloof and stand-off ish.
Oh ok, it's one of those threads. I'll change my answer in that case.
Firemen are hot, so you should hang on to him; the drinking is probably just a phase. Were I you, I'd be trying to get pregnant. I think that's your best bet for gaining a little control in this relationship. If you made him a father, he would surely mature and end his drinking days along with the controlling behavior.
If that doesn't work, I suggest you try bringing another woman into your bedroom. This usually keeps men so happy they stop drinking so much and they stop controlling you.
Either way, he two of you should move in toegther immediatley. You need to kick the intimacy up a notch. It works everytime.
I'm not looking to be patted on the back. I did have concerns so I shared them...If I got super defensive and followed every point with a counter, everyone would be all over me like white on rice. When I just let the comments flow, people wonder why I didn't respond.
I think most responses were fair. I think mine was pretty level headed, but I actually liked Coolhand's more than my own. I was gonna say to keep him around for "fun", but didn't know if you could/would say goodbye quickly and easily if it escalated at all beyond what he does now. Since it has such dangerous potential, I figured I'd tell you to play it safe and move on. I defiently 2nd Coolhand's post if you think you can do that.
xxbabeechick. he is good in bed because he has had lots of practice. being an unselfish lover does not make one a great boyfriend only an exciting lover. it does makes it harder to see him for who he really is. at 24 you can more than likely get any man you want. you are mature and need an older fellow. you also need one that lets you be you without any control and one who doesn't drink all day while he plays ball. he is taking you out now because the relationship is new. once it gets more routine I doubt he will be taking you lots of places, but just stay home and drink. run from any man no matter how good sexually he is that drinks this much and wants to control you. he sounds like a lazy player.
Baby chick, why are you still living with your ex in the same household? Sorry but frankly there are a lot of red flags going on with you as much as him.
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