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Interesting perspective, but I think anyone in this situation would feel ill at ease if they knew that a spouse was reading all their private correspondence. While I am not embarrassed about what I have said to my male married pen pal, I do not think he would want my husband reading his side of the communication. My male married penpal talks about: his hopes and dreams and shows his personal side by talking about his disappointments, troubles with relatives, fights with his boss and insecurities. That information is none of my husbands business.
Yes, but you neatly dodged the question.
Does your husband know you are e-mailing this guy with this kind of frequency and intensity? Something tells me that he has no idea.
At the very least, we are talking about infatuation on your part that's being barely held in check, and you're kidding yourself if you believe otherwise. A dozen e-mails a day will eventually wind up being lunch, then drinks, and then who knows what else.
As a former employer I think you are over doing it. One or two emails a day might be fine, a dozen is too many. I would remove internet access from your work computer if I were your employer, and if you continued to go online, I would shorten your days at work down to two days a week. The employees I hired, I hired to work, not play on a computer. I treated all of my employees well, and gave frequent bonuses and time off, but I didn't allow anyone to come to work late or do personal things, play computer games, etc. My employees had alot of free time and could read or watch TV all they wanted, computer & personal phone calls were limited.
As a former employer I think you are over doing it. One or two emails a day might be fine, a dozen is too many. I would remove internet access from your work computer if I were your employer, and if you continued to go online, I would shorten your days at work down to two days a week. The employees I hired, I hired to work, not play on a computer. I treated all of my employees well, and gave frequent bonuses and time off, but I didn't allow anyone to come to work late or do personal things, play computer games, etc. My employees had alot of free time and could read or watch TV all they wanted, computer & personal phone calls were limited.
I worked as a temp at a company a year ago for a week and struck up a work friendship with a guy there. We exchanged email addresses and the rest is history. Since then we are emailing each other up to a dozen times a day. I am 30 years old and he is 42, so there is a age gap. Oh, both of us are married and not to each other.
I tell my friends about my email friend who I have not seen in a few months and some of them think it is wrong, while others are jealous. There is no flirting, or expectation of a real affair. Our email conversations are just about general topics we are interested in such as politics and current events and music and movies. Both of us work in boring slow jobs where we have lots of time on our hands. So the emails keep us busy and engaged in a boring job.
What do you think? Is it wrong to email so many times to a married man? (Remember we rarely see each other and there is no flirting) If your spouse had a married man or woman (of the opposite sex) that they emailed back and forth to to ease the boredom of a slow job, would you be angry?
One spouse keeping secrets from another has the power to destroy a marriage. I don't understand what is so hard for some people to accept or understand about that. I take it you wouldn't have any problem whatsoever with your husband doing the EXACT SAME thing you are doing with the same intentions you are describing in your post. You don't find your husband intellectually stimulating enough to have these conversations with? But you married him, so what was the draw, there?
There is no emotional affair with my email married penpal. First of all the chemistry we have is mostly in emails. We do get together for lunch maybe once a month and while the conversation is pleasant- there is no great conversation. In fact I feel kind of neutral about him in person. But we "do great emails," that is where the chemistry is. He is a great writer and is just wonderful at exchanging ideas in emails. His appearance is kind of a turnoff. Skinny, kind of a nerd.
My husband is my best friend but he does not like email and works in retail so emailing me all day is impossible anyway. AND YES< MY HUSBAND KNOWS I AM EMAILING MY MARRIED MALE PENPAL ALL THE TIME. HE IS AMUSED. My husband has met my pen pal and thinks he is a real nerd, didn't like him. They are total opposites.
Why a dozen emails a day? Because there is just so much each of us have to say to each other via email. He makes me think and I enjoy it very much! Our in person meetings are fine, I guess.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bass101
This situation sounds very wrong to me. I can understand one or two emails a week with this person, but certainly not multiple emailings a day. When you're married, I believe that it's not realistic to have a friendship with a person of the opposite sex. It's threatening and damaging to the marriage. So when you're married, I believe you should just rule out a relationship with the opposite sex entirely, because it's just too complicated. If you truly respect your husband, you would cease all contact with this person now, because clearly the situation has gotten out of hand. There is a red flag because clearly you are not comfortable with your husband reading the content of these emails, as you would be if they were truly innocent.
Why aren't you emailing with your husband 12 times a day when you're bored at work? Your husband should be your best friend, the person you want to be emailing with 12 times a day--not someone else. Think about how that would improve your relationship. I think you have the beginnings of an emotional affair here.
Interesting perspective, but I think anyone in this situation would feel ill at ease if they knew that a spouse was reading all their private correspondence. While I am not embarrassed about what I have said to my male married pen pal, I do not think he would want my husband reading his side of the communication. My male married penpal talks about: his hopes and dreams and shows his personal side by talking about his disappointments, troubles with relatives, fights with his boss and insecurities. That information is none of my husbands business.
If you two are getting too personal in the details of your lives, then I think you're going too far. Married people shouldn't keep secrets from one another. However, if your husband and the other's wife know about the emails and don't really care to read them and don't have a problem then why would we have a problem with them?
Your husband and the other guy's wife may trust each of you completely - and if they think the emails are too boring to read that likely means they are. But - if anything has to be hidden from a spouse, then watch out, you're going in the wrong direction.
There is no emotional affair with my email married penpal. First of all the chemistry we have is mostly in emails. We do get together for lunch maybe once a month and while the conversation is pleasant- there is no great conversation. In fact I feel kind of neutral about him in person. But we "do great emails," that is where the chemistry is. He is a great writer and is just wonderful at exchanging ideas in emails. His appearance is kind of a turnoff. Skinny, kind of a nerd.
My husband is my best friend but he does not like email and works in retail so emailing me all day is impossible anyway. AND YES< MY HUSBAND KNOWS I AM EMAILING MY MARRIED MALE PENPAL ALL THE TIME. HE IS AMUSED. My husband has met my pen pal and thinks he is a real nerd, didn't like him. They are total opposites.
Why a dozen emails a day? Because there is just so much each of us have to say to each other via email. He makes me think and I enjoy it very much! Our in person meetings are fine, I guess.
You should give your husband permission to read all email correspondence between you and this other man, even if he decides he isn't interested enough to read them.Your male friend should do the same with his wife. If neither of you can do that, then you have bad intentions deep down inside. If one or both of you can't do it, you should cut off all contact with each other immediately.
I send a dozen emails a day to my married male friend
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Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka
Ok, CEO, we're entertained
Glad you're entertained. I still think a dozen emails a day is too many. I have no issue with the rest of her story. She's an adult and knows right from wrong. I had already fingured out I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with her.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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If it were an occasional email of casual conversation I'd say so what. But a dozen a day? I'd have a very hard time thinking it was just casual conversation with no intention or hopes of something more.
While I am not embarrassed about what I have said to my male married pen pal, I do not think he would want my husband reading his side of the communication. My male married penpal talks about: his hopes and dreams and shows his personal side by talking about his disappointments, troubles with relatives, fights with his boss and insecurities. That information is none of my husbands business.
You are married. If you are receiving emails from another man containing such information, yes...it IS his business.
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Originally Posted by robee70
If you're not talking politics and the weather, this is definitely an emotional affair, whether you care to admit it or not.
Exactly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
At the very least, we are talking about infatuation on your part that's being barely held in check, and you're kidding yourself if you believe otherwise. A dozen e-mails a day will eventually wind up being lunch, then drinks, and then who knows what else.
That^^.
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC
You should give your husband permission to read all email correspondence between you and this other man, even if he decides he isn't interested enough to read them.Your male friend should do the same with his wife. If neither of you can do that, then you have bad intentions deep down inside. If one or both of you can't do it, you should cut off all contact with each other immediately.
I totally agree.
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Our chemistry is only in emails
