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Old 06-25-2010, 12:32 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh's 'EAST SIDE'
2,043 posts, read 5,044,059 times
Reputation: 2673

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I think going out MORE THAN twice a month, w/o your S/O, is a bit much.

I feel when you're in a relationship, its a whole different ballgame. Priorities change. All that hanging out with the fellaz/girlfriends should be minimized and your TOP priority should be making plans to do something together with your mate.
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Old 07-07-2010, 06:46 PM
 
1,994 posts, read 3,207,853 times
Reputation: 1218
I am so confused lately (sorry to bump this old thread).

I used to ASK him "I have been invited to *blah* on Friday night, would you mind if I went?" and he would tell me I don't need to ask his permission.

So I stopped.

Instead I would TELL him "I am thinking of going to *blah* on Friday night. You're invited too of course!"

Now he says things to me like "What does it matter, you don't care what I think anyway".

So he doesn't want me to ask his permission, but I don't care what he thinks? I don't get it.
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Old 07-07-2010, 06:51 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 88,042,435 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by *VaNiLlaGoRrilLa* View Post
I am so confused lately (sorry to bump this old thread).

I used to ASK him "I have been invited to *blah* on Friday night, would you mind if I went?" and he would tell me I don't need to ask his permission.

So I stopped.

Instead I would TELL him "I am thinking of going to *blah* on Friday night. You're invited too of course!"

Now he says things to me like "What does it matter, you don't care what I think anyway".

So he doesn't want me to ask his permission, but I don't care what he thinks? I don't get it.
What's there not to get...?! Manipulation intended to prevent you from going!
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Old 07-07-2010, 07:29 PM
 
8,679 posts, read 15,244,892 times
Reputation: 15342
Quote:
Originally Posted by *VaNiLlaGoRrilLa* View Post
"What does it matter, you don't care what I think anyway".
"Yeah. You're right. I'm going out next weekend. And never coming back."
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Old 07-07-2010, 07:44 PM
 
1,994 posts, read 3,207,853 times
Reputation: 1218
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avienne View Post
"Yeah. You're right. I'm going out next weekend. And never coming back."


<3
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Old 07-07-2010, 07:53 PM
 
1,838 posts, read 2,967,481 times
Reputation: 1562
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avienne View Post
"Yeah. You're right. I'm going out next weekend. And never coming back."
If only that was true.
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Old 07-07-2010, 08:57 PM
 
1,994 posts, read 3,207,853 times
Reputation: 1218
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shysister View Post
If only that was true.
You're not very shy, you know. hehehe
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Old 07-07-2010, 09:47 PM
 
1,838 posts, read 2,967,481 times
Reputation: 1562
Quote:
Originally Posted by *VaNiLlaGoRrilLa* View Post
You're not very shy, you know. hehehe
lol I was wondering when someone was going to point that out lol. Good call
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Old 07-10-2010, 01:15 PM
 
Location: western Colorado, hoping to move to PA
51 posts, read 154,413 times
Reputation: 58
This is something that my DH and I got in a ginormous fight about almost two years ago and it still pisses me off every time I think about it.

We're a blended family. I have three kids from my first marriage and we now have a nine-month-old. At the time of this event, we did not have the baby nor was I pregnant. He had a friend suggest a trip to Denver with us but I couldn't go because of work commitments. I told DH to go ahead and go without me and have a good time. He planned on going to a strip club and I knew about it and was okay with it, just told him not to spend too much money. When he came back he was happy and I was glad he had a good time.

Fast forward to about two months later. A group of guys from my (former) work's computer department were having a "Rock Band" party at the corporate office on the big-screen projector. It's a game I enjoyed a lot and wanted to go to. It was a Friday night and DH had to work early Saturday morning, so he wouldn't have been able to go with me. The guys who were throwing it were from my work and were mutual friends of us both. One of the guys was the one he went to Denver with in the aforementioned trip. I asked DH if he would mind if I went and he said yes--he would mind. At first I was taken aback--it was a couple miles away, for a few hours, and yes it would be without him, but it wasn't like I was going to the bar without him. My kids would be put to bed and in bed asleep while DH slept as well. His statement was, "I'm not going to babysit your kids for you so you can go out with a bunch of guys." First of all, no action would have been required, the kids and DH would all be asleep. Second of all, the "bunch of guys" were computer geeks that we BOTH knew well and had hung out with for years. Also, I never, ever, ever, ever go out. I asked what I was supposed to do if I wanted someone to watch "my kids" while I went, and he said I'd have to hire a babysitter. He actually wanted me to pay someone to sit on our couch and watch TV while everyone in the household, including him, slept. I thought this was incredibly ridiculous.

I didn't end up going, but I was furious about it and still am. If the shoe were on the other foot and if he had kids from another relationship I would not have any problem watching them while he went out and enjoyed himself once in awhile with his friends. I think trust and giving are components of a healthy relationship. His statement was that if he had a kid he would never expect me to "watch his kid" while he "went out."
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Old 07-10-2010, 01:19 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 88,042,435 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by Umberlee View Post
This is something that my DH and I got in a ginormous fight about almost two years ago and it still pisses me off every time I think about it.

We're a blended family. I have three kids from my first marriage and we now have a nine-month-old. At the time of this event, we did not have the baby nor was I pregnant. He had a friend suggest a trip to Denver with us but I couldn't go because of work commitments. I told DH to go ahead and go without me and have a good time. He planned on going to a strip club and I knew about it and was okay with it, just told him not to spend too much money. When he came back he was happy and I was glad he had a good time.

Fast forward to about two months later. A group of guys from my (former) work's computer department were having a "Rock Band" party at the corporate office on the big-screen projector. It's a game I enjoyed a lot and wanted to go to. It was a Friday night and DH had to work early Saturday morning, so he wouldn't have been able to go with me. The guys who were throwing it were from my work and were mutual friends of us both. One of the guys was the one he went to Denver with in the aforementioned trip. I asked DH if he would mind if I went and he said yes--he would mind. At first I was taken aback--it was a couple miles away, for a few hours, and yes it would be without him, but it wasn't like I was going to the bar without him. My kids would be put to bed and in bed asleep while DH slept as well. His statement was, "I'm not going to babysit your kids for you so you can go out with a bunch of guys." First of all, no action would have been required, the kids and DH would all be asleep. Second of all, the "bunch of guys" were computer geeks that we BOTH knew well and had hung out with for years. Also, I never, ever, ever, ever go out. I asked what I was supposed to do if I wanted someone to watch "my kids" while I went, and he said I'd have to hire a babysitter. He actually wanted me to pay someone to sit on our couch and watch TV while everyone in the household, including him, slept. I thought this was incredibly ridiculous.

I didn't end up going, but I was furious about it and still am. If the shoe were on the other foot and if he had kids from another relationship I would not have any problem watching them while he went out and enjoyed himself once in awhile with his friends. I think trust and giving are components of a healthy relationship. His statement was that if he had a kid he would never expect me to "watch his kid" while he "went out."
And you stayed with him and had a child with him AFTER this...?!
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