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I was talking about Valentine's Day, specifically. Everyone agrees that it's a commercially driven, Hallmark(TM) holiday and a day when you will over pay for flowers and candy
It's just another day for dating and relationships that focus on women. Anyways, you consider it fine for a guy to over pay stuff for you. How about the other way around?
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Despite that, it means a lot when it's acknowledged anyway. I don't blame men for feeling pressured and perhaps resentful about buying over-priced flowers and gifts on that day (I feel the same way about Christmas) but I still think it's really sweet when men do... just because they know it will make their lady smile
I find it as special when women dare themselves to over spend on a guy, that is, if it ever happens. I have seen it other places but I guess it has to do with culture.
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I once worked in an office with eight other women. On Valentine's Day, flowers and candy were delivered to all the ladies there except for one woman. She wasn't single either, she was living with her boyfriend of two years. Imagine how she felt watching all those flower deliveries and none were for her? It was very cold-hearted on her boyfriends part, if you ask me
Imagine how I feel when I see that the guys in my office get zilch in that day. I see women getting flowers, stuffed animals, etc. It's normal, not only in V-day. But men? Nothing.
How do you feel about men not receiving a thing? I guess its acceptable, right? Maybe its another test for men or a way to make them work it.
I remember walking in the subway in Osaka, Japan, I sat down and this cute Japanese girl changed her seat and gave me a box of chocolates on V-day and it wasn't anything flirty, slutty, creapy, etc. No, it was just a nice friendly gesture. No asking for my phone number or anything. Just greeted me, started conversation, and before she got off to her stop she opened her purse and gave me a box of chocolates for V-Day. Oh yeah, love women taking the initiative too . I guess its a cultural thing.
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I would dump any guy who did that to me. Not because I love cheap candy (I don't) but because any man who would purposely diss his woman does not deserve to mate.
I can understand that. But how about a man dumping you for the same reason?
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You think women are not tested? It works both ways. I don't see anything cruel about it
How can women be tested if all that's required for them is to accept being taken out, entertained, etc.? So if a woman rejectes a man's invitation, I guess she failed the first and last test.
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Whatever he wants to do. He's fun to be around no matter what we're doing.
If he wants to dine/wine you, give you stuff, do the whole gentleman thing, take you to places, etc. It's fun to enjoy and receive it all, right? It gets even better, you don't have to be creative, think about a plan, offer chivalry, spend money, etc. That is a gentleman thing, right?
No, you (and MANY other women) would dump a guy like this because he chose not go along with an ancient pagan tradition from the Roman empire. And how do you know it was a "diss"? Maybe he had something DIFFERENT planned later on that day.
But see, it just does not end with cheap candy and dead flowers, that's just where it starts, later on down the road all of these men are expected to buy rings that are equivalent to a down payment on a home, and trips to foreign islands; and if he can't do it, like you said, he's dumped and he does not deserve to mate.
Don't worry, calicali, it won't ever happen to you. You're safe.
It's just another day for dating and relationships that focus on women. Anyways, you consider it fine for a guy to over pay stuff for you. How about the other way around?
I have, believe me. I love giving gifts and spoiling the people I love. But most men I've known are not like you. The men I've given extravagant gifts too squirmed and appeared rather uncomfortable. If there were a cartoon bubble above their head containing their thoughts it would probably say one of the following"
Thought Bubble 1) "Uh oh, she spent way to much. This must be what she thinks is appropriate gift-giving. Now she has set the standard and all my gifts must meet or exceed this level of extravagance. I'm doomed".
or
Thought Bubble 2) "Is this how she's spending her child support money?"
or
Thought Bubble 3) "Oh s*%t! She obviously wants to get married and have my babies. That's my cue to run like the wind".
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Originally Posted by onihC
How do you feel about men not receiving a thing?
See above. It makes most men uncomfortable. Sometimes it freaks them out so much they disappear and are never seen or heard from again.
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Originally Posted by onihC
I can understand that. But how about a man dumping you for the same reason?
I always make some small effort for Valentines Day. I just don't go overboard anymore because men don't like it. If I thought it'd be welcomed I would do more of it and do it more often. I actually have to restrain myself from over-giving. I purposely stop myself now because I know better.
I have, believe me. I love giving gifts and spoiling the people I love. But most men I've known are not like you
Most women I've known are not like you either, they don't test me, make me work it, see how far I can go for them, etc. They are as involved as I am since day #1.
You said you test your men until they propose. So I guess you are in the receiving end until they propose, which obviously, is not something that takes a month or two. Still, your guy keeps showering you with gifts, takes you out on dinners/wine, gave you a corvette, etc. Is he still being tested or something?
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I always make some small effort for Valentines Day
I don't like to make SMALL efforts for someone I consider special. I go beyond that and its fun. When I see a girl do the same for me, wow, what a pleasant surprise. And it is a surprise since I don't really expect a western girl to go farther than just sending me a happy face on a text message or giving me a pat on the shoulder.
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I just don't go overboard anymore because men don't like it
And how nice for you . It's like me saying "I don't help my wife at home anymore because she doesn't like it. Poor me. I have to just go home and sit in front of the tv watching the game while she becomes my personal maid." How comfy of me to use that excuse to not work my butt off at home.
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I actually have to restrain myself from over-giving. I purposely stop myself now because I know better.
Well, don't you think men should stop over-giving as well until they are not tested anymore, they are told to work it, show they can be providers, etc.?
How can women be tested if all that's required for them is to accept being taken out, entertained, etc.? So if a woman rejectes a man's invitation, I guess she failed the first and last test.
So you said you don't like cheap candy, like men to over spend on flowers for you, etc. If they don't, you would dump them all. I can understand that. But how about a man dumping you for the same reason? Or is it only permitted for women to dump a man for that?
You said women in your office got all kinds of gifts for V-day except one which you thought it was just unnaceptable and terrible. Well, how do you feel about men not receiving a thing? I guess its acceptable, right? Maybe its another test for men or a way to make them work it or what?
I go 50/50. Its important to me, I like to have the woman show that she is somewhat interested in the relationship, enough to have a financial stake in it. Personally I think women who expect the man to pay for everything are freeloaders and these are not my type of women.
I go 50/50. Its important to me, I like to have the woman show that she is somewhat interested in the relationship, enough to have a financial stake in it. Personally I think women who expect the man to pay for everything are freeloaders and these are not my type of women.
Yes. That is why I find it nice when a girl shows those nice gestures since day #1 without going through her long test/observation/probation periods.
I remember back in college how I went out with this girl who was an exchange student from Japan. When the tab came, she quickly took the receipt. I was like "Hey, let me see something on it" and snatched it away from her. She insisted in paying for both, I declined. Insited in paying her part, I declined. I just wanted to take her out. Besides, she was just arriving from Japan so I somehow knew she had to take care of some expenses. Went somewhere else and when it was time to pay for something, same thing. I didn't let her pay. At the end of the day, on our way back to her place, I stopped to pump some gas. She once again offered to fill my tank. She mentioned how it was too much but I told her she could pitch in next time. Asked for my jacket and gave it to her. Took her to her door, hugged, expressed to each other the great time we had together and right there started planning where to go next time. I wore my jacket on my way back and felt something in the pocket. She wrote me a note expressing how happy she was for the things we did and had a great time. Inside that note it was some money. She felt it was the right thing. It totally made my heart smile . It could have been 5 Euros that she put in there and I would still feel the same. It was her gesture telling me "Hey! This is OUR date, not just mine. It's OUR thing. Here's my part. Let's do this again!". And believe it or not, it was our VERY FIRST DATE. No testing periods, no observation periods, no probation periods, no drama.
Like I have said before, I have gone out with western girls as well who don't have those gestures and I still go out with them again and again. I don't think they are bad, just not necessarily what I prefer but we still have a good time regardless . It's just different customs/traditions/culture I guess.
OnihC, how long you date your Japanese girlfriend? Why did it end?
Hey Boodhabunny! Haven't talked to you in a while .
We went out for almost a year if I remember correctly. This was before I graduated. And her gestures were as nice since our very first date.
It ended because she went back to her country and distance was just not being too helpful for us. We talked about it and finished the relationship. We remained in contact but haven't spoken for a while now. I wish her well.
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. I guess its a cultural thing.
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