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Old 06-26-2010, 10:21 PM
 
Location: Arizona
159 posts, read 173,371 times
Reputation: 129

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I met a very romantic man online last Sept....I mean he's attentive, speaks French, loves everything about me, intelligent, etc. When I finally met him, he was physically not attractive to me. I spent a 10 yr. marraige being with someone that didn't turn me on so I know for sure that I'm not going invest in someone with whom I have no attraction for again. Anyway, I let him know immediately after meeting that I was sure I couldn't have a romantic relationship with him but only a friendship. I'm very up front because I don't believe in encouraging any misunderstandings. Well since then, I've dated others and he continued to be my friend and continued to declare how much he loved me and wanted me. Several times I have reminded him how I felt and he believes he will change my mind with time. Well now after 10 months, he still says he cares for me and can't forget me. He's a genuinely good guy. I'm not dating anyone but not sure how I feel. I love his attention. He's coming by tomorrow after not seeing each other for 5 months. I think he wants more. What should I do?
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Old 06-26-2010, 10:23 PM
 
10,464 posts, read 7,370,856 times
Reputation: 15498
If you do not love him, do not lead him on. It's that simple.
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Old 06-26-2010, 10:24 PM
 
Location: Pa
33,758 posts, read 19,842,679 times
Reputation: 17953
Quote:
Originally Posted by angelfood View Post
I met a very romantic man online last Sept....I mean he's attentive, speaks French, loves everything about me, intelligent, etc. When I finally met him, he was physically not attractive to me. I spent a 10 yr. marraige being with someone that didn't turn me on so I know for sure that I'm not going invest in someone with whom I have no attraction for again. Anyway, I let him know immediately after meeting that I was sure I couldn't have a romantic relationship with him but only a friendship. I'm very up front because I don't believe in encouraging any misunderstandings. Well since then, I've dated others and he continued to be my friend and continued to declare how much he loved me and wanted me. Several times I have reminded him how I felt and he believes he will change my mind with time. Well now after 10 months, he still says he cares for me and can't forget me. He's a genuinely good guy. I'm not dating anyone but not sure how I feel. I love his attention. He's coming by tomorrow after not seeing each other for 5 months. I think he wants more. What should I do?
Tell him up front he ain't getting any....
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Old 06-26-2010, 10:26 PM
 
Location: Hawaii
2,058 posts, read 1,804,211 times
Reputation: 1551
if you're not sure, then you aren't.
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Old 06-26-2010, 10:27 PM
 
Location: Simmering in DFW
6,851 posts, read 9,909,256 times
Reputation: 6571
This is not a good thing for either of you. Cancel your plans to see him.
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Old 06-26-2010, 10:27 PM
 
Location: In my skin
8,053 posts, read 9,106,361 times
Reputation: 7911
Pull back if you don't feel that attraction towards him. He needs to accept that you are not going to be with him and he can't do that if he is still hanging on to hope. He needs to get past this in order for you to have a healthy friendship. Don't let him continue to push the issue. That would annoy me.
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Old 06-26-2010, 10:37 PM
 
Location: Southern Oregon
4,050 posts, read 3,123,777 times
Reputation: 5381
You should tell him you're just not that into him. And if you've already told him that, tell him again with some conviction. A good guy doesn't deserved being lead on.
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Old 06-26-2010, 10:42 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
15,402 posts, read 14,530,533 times
Reputation: 21809
Quote:
Originally Posted by angelfood View Post
I met a very romantic man online last Sept....I mean he's attentive, speaks French, loves everything about me, intelligent, etc. When I finally met him, he was physically not attractive to me. He's coming by tomorrow after not seeing each other for 5 months. I think he wants more. What should I do?
If I meet someone, I wouldn`t care how romantic and attentive they are!
I mean, if they flat out told me that they were not "physical attractive" to me, then he would be history!
Not come back 5 months later, hoping that I have changed my appearance just for them! Yikes!!!
And then for you to say, that you think he wants more, after this comment? I don`t believe that I would have the time for this one, and move on to someone who IS interested in YOU, not just for that.(Apparently for last minite sitautions to boot.)
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Old 06-26-2010, 10:43 PM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 9,999,274 times
Reputation: 7883
Quote:
Originally Posted by angelfood View Post
I met a very romantic man online last Sept....I mean he's attentive, speaks French, loves everything about me, intelligent, etc. When I finally met him, he was physically not attractive to me. I spent a 10 yr. marraige being with someone that didn't turn me on so I know for sure that I'm not going invest in someone with whom I have no attraction for again. Anyway, I let him know immediately after meeting that I was sure I couldn't have a romantic relationship with him but only a friendship. I'm very up front because I don't believe in encouraging any misunderstandings. Well since then, I've dated others and he continued to be my friend and continued to declare how much he loved me and wanted me. Several times I have reminded him how I felt and he believes he will change my mind with time. Well now after 10 months, he still says he cares for me and can't forget me. He's a genuinely good guy. I'm not dating anyone but not sure how I feel. I love his attention. He's coming by tomorrow after not seeing each other for 5 months. I think he wants more. What should I do?
I know the feeling of wanting to want someone who is right for you, but not being able to, and of course you love the attention of a gentleman like him.
I don't think you are doing anything wrong because you were upfront with him from the beginning. You told him how you feel, and him pursuing you still is entirely his choice. Therefore, continue being honest with him and see what happens. Go with the flow.

One more thing: have you kissed him yet? I mean like a real french kiss?
Sometimes, all it takes is one passionate kiss to get those feelings awoken in you.
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Old 06-26-2010, 10:45 PM
 
Location: South FL
9,444 posts, read 9,999,274 times
Reputation: 7883
Quote:
Originally Posted by yankeegirl313 View Post
If I meet someone, I wouldn`t care how romantic and attentive they are!
I mean, if they flat out told me that they were not "physical attractive" to me, then he would be history!
Not come back 5 months later, hoping that I have changed my appearance just for them! Yikes!!!
And then for you to say, that you think he wants more, after this comment? I don`t believe that I would have the time for this one, and move on to someone who IS interested in YOU, not just for that.(Apparently for last minite sitautions to boot.)
I think she phrased it wrong. SHE wasn't attracted to HIM. Not the other way around.
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