I screw up every relationship I'm in...

[Ivorytickler]

Originally Posted by SouthBound47

So I don't know if this has been discussed here much, but it's my first post in this thread.

Basically, I have TONS of acquaintances, yet I find myself alone all the time. I like being with people, and alot of people tend to like being around me - I used to get invited out all the time. The problem is for some reason, each time someone wants to do something I say no, unless I really want to do it. I feel like the most selfish person ever. I think that this has led people to leave me alone.

The same goes for women. Each time anyone shows interest in me, I pull away - find some flaw that I can't live with, the past one it was her arms weren't nice enough. I know it's pathetic.

Has anyone overcome something like this. I am in my mid twenties, and afraid that if I don't fix my life I'll end up dying all alone.

Consider relationship counseling. There is something going on here you're not clued into. Relationship counseling isn't just for people in relationships. It can help people who want to be in relationships too.

You need to figure out why you are driving people away. Until then, you're at risk of ending up alone.

Good luck

[misswee]

I am in a similar boat.... tired of feeling lonley, yet afraid of people because I have been hurt so deeply in the past.

[Kris000]

Originally Posted by SouthBound47

Thanks, and I certainly do have interests - many in fact.

The thing about the arms was I've never not liked someone because of that, and the girl was actually very attractive, in good shape, etc. And I realized that I just made an excuse to not go out with her.

You just have to make a conscious decision to not push people away. I used to be the exact same way as you. Every time a guy who seemed to be a genuinely good person would show interest in me, I would push him away. A few years ago, I was about to push a guy away again when I realized that I was 26 and had never had a healthy relationship. So I forced myself to let down my guard and give the guy a chance. He turned out not to be so nice after all and it didn't work out, but it did help me break my pattern. The next time a nice guy showed interest, I didn't push him away, and he is now my husband.

[smel]

You don't need to be so hard on yourself. You are still young, and we are about the same age. It seems like you are overanalyzing every move and choice you make. If you are happy not accepting every invitation, then don't. I don't accept them all either, but I don't worry about it later. If I lose a friend because I didn't want to go out that night, then they weren't really a friend in the first place. You need to only go do things when you want to and with people you really want to be with. I am sure there were other reasons besides her arms that made you reject that girl. When the right girl comes along, her arms won't matter. Have fun whatever fun means to you, and don't worry so much. It is your life, so live it the way you want to.

[virgode]

Originally Posted by SouthBound47

The problem is for some reason, each time someone wants to do something I say no, unless I really want to do it. I feel like the most selfish person ever. I think that this has led people to leave me alone.

The same goes for women. Each time anyone shows interest in me, I pull away - find some flaw that I can't live with, the past one it was her arms weren't nice enough. I know it's pathetic.

Has anyone overcome something like this. I am in my mid twenties, and afraid that if I don't fix my life I'll end up dying all alone.

You haven't met the right person....Is it possible you don't want a relationship?

Get involved in clubs with an activity you enjoy or invite a friend to do something you both enjoy. Why does someone else have to extend you the invitation? I had friends who always invited me to go tent camping, I started saying no, I hated every minute of it and it rained almost every time. I didn't consider it selfish.

[Mikala43]

Originally Posted by SouthBound47

Basically, I have TONS of acquaintances, yet I find myself alone all the time. I like being with people, and alot of people tend to like being around me - I used to get invited out all the time. The problem is for some reason, each time someone wants to do something I say no, unless I really want to do it. I feel like the most selfish person ever. I think that this has led people to leave me alone.

Well you are certainly entitled to say no to whatever you like, and they are entitled to stop asking you.

If that outcome is fine with you then there is no problem.

BUT, friendships are give and take. And it sounds like you only take and not give. I do things I don't "feel" like, because it is important to someone else.

Your alone, because when other reached out to you, you left them alone. They in turn are doing the same.