Long distance relationship madness (boyfriend, woman, lover, separated)
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I'm curious if anyone here has any experience with being separated from their husband/lover for a long period of time. I find myself in another country for 3-4 months and I don't think that my fiance is handling it well. He's been progressively getting more depressed and now is always angry and starting fights with me that seem a little strange and out of the blue while we're chatting online. This is definitely not an issue of his not wanting to be with me because we're desperate to be together and have been together for 8 years. I think he's just extremely lonely because he doesn't have too many friends in the US (we just moved there). So I'm just wondering if this range of negative feelings is normal when you're separated from everyone you love. I'm stressed out about his mental well being!
Also, there's nothing I can do about getting to him sooner or his visiting me. Due to circumstances, it's impossible for now and it's not under our control.
My first inclination is to think he wants out and thats why he's starting fights every time you speak. Guess I'd tell him to call you when or if he gets in a better frame of mind.
My first inclination is to think he wants out and thats why he's starting fights every time you speak. Guess I'd tell him to call you when or if he gets in a better frame of mind.
That's not the case though, he would just tell me if he wanted out. I already asked him if he wants out and he was insulted. He doesn't see anything wrong with how he's acting. We're in love...he doesn't want out. Maybe he's just frustrated having to sleep alone, I dont know.
It has been my experience when a man starts acting funny and picking fight it is because he has another woman. It doesn't have to be the case, but it often is. However if this man really loves u enough and u love him back, love will keep till u can be together again. I hope everything works out the way u desire.
I think it's stress, from my experience. My ex-boyfriend lives in Chile, I'm in Atlanta, and he couldn't come to the states. Our entire relationship depended on my flying down there.
It got to him. He started picking fights with me, as well... and I remember thinking at the time that he was so alone in his fear, that he assumed I'd give up on him (out of sight, out of mind...), so he became extremely depressed, and unknowingly sabotaged our relationship, and broke up with me on my last visit down.
But you and your fiance have a lot more time invested, and I think he probably just needs some reassurance (A LOT of reassurance, as anyone would, no doubt) that even though you're not there, physically, you're always there.
Wish I could reassure my ex, but no matter what I did, he was too stubborn to believe it. And even though we've been broken up for a few months, now, he's still not over his depression.
How much longer til your back? I have seen this with a lot of soldiers. They go away (to war nonetheless) and they feel lonely and lost. Many men do not deal with loss as well as woman do. A lot of the men I know (including mine) deal with their pain by getting angry and refusing to acknowledge that they have a problem or that they are upset which leads to arguing. If you truly believe there is no funny business going on then give it to him straight out. Tell him how you feel, that you love him and you want him to be happy, and that you are worried about the way he has been acting. Explain to him that while you love him no matter what you simply do not understand why he has been picking fights with you especially since you already miss him so much and his anger is making your time apart more difficult. Explain everything to him like you would to a child.. i.e. when you do this you sound angry and that hurts me because...
He's probably lonely, and stressed, and can't deal with his emotions well. Try talking to him. Tell him you don't like the way it makes you feel, though.
It has been my experience when a man starts acting funny and picking fight it is because he has another woman. It doesn't have to be the case, but it often is. However if this man really loves u enough and u love him back, love will keep till u can be together again. I hope everything works out the way u desire.
I think it's stress, from my experience. My ex-boyfriend lives in Chile, I'm in Atlanta, and he couldn't come to the states. Our entire relationship depended on my flying down there.
It got to him. He started picking fights with me, as well... and I remember thinking at the time that he was so alone in his fear, that he assumed I'd give up on him (out of sight, out of mind...), so he became extremely depressed, and unknowingly sabotaged our relationship, and broke up with me on my last visit down.
But you and your fiance have a lot more time invested, and I think he probably just needs some reassurance (A LOT of reassurance, as anyone would, no doubt) that even though you're not there, physically, you're always there.
Wish I could reassure my ex, but no matter what I did, he was too stubborn to believe it. And even though we've been broken up for a few months, now, he's still not over his depression.
Good luck!
Yes I think that might be the case. All the other advice like he wants out or he's got someone else don't fit our circumstances but you might be right. So how do I reassure him? I talk to him daily, maybe I should be warmer and more caring somehow.
How much longer til your back? I have seen this with a lot of soldiers. They go away (to war nonetheless) and they feel lonely and lost. Many men do not deal with loss as well as woman do. A lot of the men I know (including mine) deal with their pain by getting angry and refusing to acknowledge that they have a problem or that they are upset which leads to arguing. If you truly believe there is no funny business going on then give it to him straight out. Tell him how you feel, that you love him and you want him to be happy, and that you are worried about the way he has been acting. Explain to him that while you love him no matter what you simply do not understand why he has been picking fights with you especially since you already miss him so much and his anger is making your time apart more difficult. Explain everything to him like you would to a child.. i.e. when you do this you sound angry and that hurts me because...
thanks! that's good advice right there Also, I've been thinking maybe he's really bored and is subconsciously creating some drama to entertain himself with.
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