Single Mothers..Are we doomed (dating, boyfriend, girls, love)

[angelk316]

I recently broke up with my boyfriend with whom I had a child with.
My mother was lecturing me today and she basically said that I am tarnished and no good men would want me so I should never date again.
But mostly I fear having men around my daughter which is the reason i am going let her father have custody of her.
Now i feel im going to be alone for the rest of my life.

What do you guys think about single mothers and dating.

[professorsenator]

Originally Posted by angelk316

I recently broke up with my boyfriend with whom I had a child with.
My mother was lecturing me today and she basically said that I am tarnished and no good men would want me so I should never date again.
But mostly I fear having men around my daughter which is the reason i am going let her father have custody of her.
Now i feel im going to be alone for the rest of my life.

What do you guys think about single mothers and dating.

I think both you and your mom are jumping to too many conclusions.

First, forget for a moment about you dating men and them being around your daughter: do you honestly believe that your daughter would be better off with her dad rather than you? That makes quite a statement -- you would seem to have more confidence in him rather than yourself. Are there some other reasons why she would better off with him rather than you? And what exactly is your worry about a man that you might date: that he would abuse your daughter?

Regarding your mom: does she really think that her daughter has NOTHING to offer? I mean, really...her position seems rather insulting to you. WTF?

But to answer your central question: are you, as a single mom, "doomed"? The answer is almost certainly "no."

[Ep-]

nah, if you are a kickass person youll be ok

there are guys that wont date ya but there are also guys that will. might be harder but you should be fine

[crazy_bd]

A single mother who doesn't want custody of her daughter because of fear of the men she will date... major red flag. You should date guys from a completely different part of society.

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by angelk316

I recently broke up with my boyfriend with whom I had a child with.
My mother was lecturing me today and she basically said that I am tarnished and no good men would want me so I should never date again.
But mostly I fear having men around my daughter which is the reason i am going let her father have custody of her.
Now i feel im going to be alone for the rest of my life.

What do you guys think about single mothers and dating.

The bigger question to ask is, is my child doomed?

And she might be, unless you work very hard going forward to make some better choices in your life.

Dating should not be on your mind at all. This does not mean you'll "be alone the rest of your life". But for the next few years at least, your focus needs to be on your child only. Giving her up to date??? Not a good idea - though if you are that immature she would likely be better off with her father.

[texas_dave11]

Originally Posted by angelk316

My mother was lecturing me today and she basically said that I am tarnished and no good men would want me so I should never date again.

I'd shove the salk shaker up here ass, too.

(joke from another thread, but still applicable here)

[robee70]

Originally Posted by professorsenator

I think both you and your mom are jumping to too many conclusions.

First, forget for a moment about you dating men and them being around your daughter: do you honestly believe that your daughter would be better off with her dad rather than you? That makes quite a statement -- you would seem to have more confidence in him rather than yourself. Are there some other reasons why she would better off with him rather than you? And what exactly is your worry about a man that you might date: that he would abuse your daughter?

Regarding your mom: does she really think that her daughter has NOTHING to offer? I mean, really...her position seems rather insulting to you. WTF?

But to answer your central question: are you, as a single mom, "doomed"? The answer is almost certainly "no."

^^ This!!!

I too would like to know why you are so readily giving up custody of your daughter. IMO, that should be your priority right now, not dating. Get your house in order first. Everything else is secondary.

[lifelongMOgal]

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

The bigger question to ask is, is my child doomed?

And she might be, unless you work very hard going forward to make some better choices in your life.

Dating should not be on your mind at all. This does not mean you'll "be alone the rest of your life". But for the next few years at least, your focus needs to be on your child only.

^^^^^This!!!

It isn't about YOU anymore, it is about your child!

[angelk316]

Im not worried about dating at all. I keep hearing about it though. Family memebers keep telling me this(They are old school)
I was just wondering what other people thought anout it

[GeorgeLucasLongLostChin]

My GF was a single mother working minimum wage when I met her. A couple of years older than me on top of that.

And I'm not some poor and/or ugly dude who had to settle with someone with kids. I have a pretty decent career, I make more money than most guys my age and most people will tell you I look good.

Most people are surprised I ended up with a single mother and not some superficial bimbo.

So it's certainly possible to be someone again when you're a single mother. You just have to realize that your stock went down a lot from a male's point of view and focus on other strengths. It is up to you to explore those.

The first few times I saw my GF was because frankly, she was really open sexually and I felt like could tell her ANYTHING. She wasn't offended by anything. But after a while, what kept me going to her place what her down to earth and no-game attitude. Most girls in their twenties play mind games. I also liked her drive and confidence...she went from minimum wage worker to a very successful business owner. I also enjoy her intellect.

My GF knew an other man's kid is a big turn off for a guy and she is extremely good at reading me and handling this. She didn't become defensive when I appeared distant because her kid annoyed me. For instance, she would get a babysitter and suprise me at my office all dressed up, ready to go on a date. She allowed me to have my own rules when I moved in with them.

Today, I'm a lot more involved with her kid and all his fine, but I give big props to my GF for being able to juggle with three people's totally different situations (hers, the kid's and mine).

It can be done, but you'll have a hard time finding a decent man being a single mom without having something to balance it out. Sorry.

Here's a good start...most young single girls without kids are needy and feel entitled to the moon. Not all of them (the good ones are already taken) but many of them are high maintenance. Just being the opposite of that will give you a good boost.

Also, try to keep in shape. My GF is in very good shape and she's 30 while nowadays, a lot 18-25 girls are freaking fat and they have no kids yet!

Anyway...enough rambling...just know that you aren't doomed