U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Happy Halloween!
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jump to a detailed profile or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Business Search - 14 Million verified businesses
Search for:  near: 
 
 
Old 07-16-2010, 01:34 PM
 
Location: Hawaii
1,589 posts, read 1,369,473 times
Reputation: 2104
ashcody -- There's nothing wrong with that. You are young and not ready for marriage. I can see that. Where I have a problem is when couples in your situation claim to be as committed as if they are married. They are not, plain and simple.
Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-16-2010, 01:40 PM
 
Location: Iowa
408 posts, read 410,240 times
Reputation: 235
Hmmm...whatever you say. I can say we are more committed than people who are in loveless marriages, spouses who cheat on their partner, etc. But can anyone list what the benefits of marriage actually are? "Legal benefits" I tried looking for them online but all I got is a bunch of mumbo jumbo...I just want to know what makes married couples so much better than two people who love eachother but are not legally tied to one another?
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-16-2010, 01:41 PM
 
8,424 posts, read 23,838,357 times
Reputation: 5886
Quote:
Originally Posted by boodhabunny View Post
ashcody -- There's nothing wrong with that. You are young and not ready for marriage. I can see that. Where I have a problem is when couples in your situation claim to be as committed as if they are married. They are not, plain and simple.
BS! Just because you don't take your commitments seriously does not mean everyone else is like that.

Our living in sin relationship has worked through rough patches that would blow most marriages to smithereens.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-16-2010, 01:43 PM
 
8,424 posts, read 23,838,357 times
Reputation: 5886
Quote:
Originally Posted by ashcody View Post
Hmmm...whatever you say. I can say we are more committed than people who are in loveless marriages, spouses who cheat on their partner, etc. But can anyone list what the benefits of marriage actually are? "Legal benefits" I tried looking for them online but all I got is a bunch of mumbo jumbo...I just want to know what makes married couples so much better than two people who love eachother but are not legally tied to one another?


Nothing other than SS death benefits. OOOhh feel the love.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-16-2010, 01:48 PM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
4,489 posts, read 5,385,348 times
Reputation: 3512
Quote:
Originally Posted by ashcody View Post
Hmmm...whatever you say. I can say we are more committed than people who are in loveless marriages, spouses who cheat on their partner, etc. But can anyone list what the benefits of marriage actually are? "Legal benefits" I tried looking for them online but all I got is a bunch of mumbo jumbo...I just want to know what makes married couples so much better than two people who love eachother but are not legally tied to one another?
You said that you didn't want to get married because you were afraid one of you might decide you want children or find God or otherwise change tomorrow. If you were married and that happened, you've said you'd get divorced.

In a good example of marriage, both partners know and understand that risk and yet commit to each other anyway, and will work through the issues when they come up.

Cheaters exist in marriages and non marriages alike. They're not good examples to use anywhere.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-16-2010, 01:52 PM
 
2,892 posts, read 2,675,433 times
Reputation: 4429
Lived together for years, now we are married. Can't explain it - but there is a difference. Wouldn't trade it for the world.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-16-2010, 01:54 PM
 
7,508 posts, read 2,056,079 times
Reputation: 3857
I'm going to stand on my ground and say I do not believe in cohabitation. I will never do this and just because everyone is doing it doesn't make me a loser either. It is against what I believe in and I have no desire to do it.

Last edited by ho hey!; 07-16-2010 at 02:10 PM..
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-16-2010, 01:56 PM
 
Location: Iowa
408 posts, read 410,240 times
Reputation: 235
Right now I don't feel the need to get married. I don't know if I will ever marry, most likely. I'm just saying I'm a little sketchy on getting married because of the divorce rate, it may not be 50% like one poster said (but it is definitely UP there) And, if I was unhappy in a marriage--I too, would divorce, depending on the situation. I just think there are a lot of people who stay in marriages they aren't satisfied with, but I also agree that too many people divorce for the WRONG reasons. Can you blame them? Look at what society says'---divorce is okay, everyone is getting them. Too many children grow up and have to experience a divorce of a loved one...and I will NOT bring children into this world until I decide whether to marry. I am young, undecided, and in love with my "roommate" as someone put it earlier. I don't need to get married yet to feel more committed.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-16-2010, 01:58 PM
 
Location: Armsanta Sorad
5,051 posts, read 3,446,417 times
Reputation: 1947
Quote:
Originally Posted by CaliTerp07 View Post
I am young (24), but I never lived with my husband before getting married. That makes me the odd-ball amongst my peers.

I feel like most people who move in together are testing the waters. They're looking for reasons to break off the relationship, not reasons to keep working at it. I didn't want that. If I was going to break up with my (now) husband because he was a slob or drank out of the milk carton or something, then we shouldn't be getting married in the first place, imo.

Anecdotal:

We'd spent enough time together and dated long enough that we knew we agreed on all the biggies--family, finance, religion, children, work, roles, etc. We both made a conscious decision to make the marriage work no matter what, and we jumped in. Immediately after the wedding, there was a fairly difficult transition period as we both go used to the other's habits and rituals and living with someone 24/7, but we had no option to break up at that point (thankfully!) We got through the rough patch, compromised on lots of stuff, and we've been happily married for just over 2 years now.

I don't think living together before marriage would have improved our relationship in any way, but it probably could have hurt it.

I am religious, but reasons for choosing not to live together weren't because I think it's sinful, rather because I don't think it's the best course to a successful marriage, which was my goal.
More power power to ya.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-16-2010, 02:03 PM
 
Location: Armsanta Sorad
5,051 posts, read 3,446,417 times
Reputation: 1947
Quote:
Originally Posted by boodhabunny View Post
"Try before you buy" and "committed relationship" don't belong together in the same sentence, in my opinion. You're either ready to commit to someone with all your heart, or you aren't.
Excellent post.
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:
Over $84,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2014, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 - Top