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Old 07-16-2010, 08:01 AM
 
154 posts, read 445,019 times
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A male relative of mine is 51 years old and recently divorced. He is quite attractive and financially successful. He THINKS he looks 40. (Isn't funny that most men think they look so much younger than they really are?)

Anyway, he decided to look for love in the personal ads and has put in an ad. He is getting quite a bit of replies from women in their 50s. He looks at their pictures and is shocked. He keeps saying, "she looks so old!!" (Actually they look about as old as he does, but he does not see this!) He said no successful young looking 51 year old man wants to date the typical woman who is in the personal ads over the age of 50. He said the 50-60 year old replying to his ad could be seen as very attractive if they were your long term wife and you grew old together, but as a new person in the dating world she seems just old and unattractive.

My male relative is looking at woman mostly from 35-45 and thinks he will find love with a younger woman. What do you think?

 
Old 07-16-2010, 08:06 AM
 
23,880 posts, read 31,055,821 times
Reputation: 28513
"Are women in their 50s GENERALLY desirable for dating?"

I think this question is one of the more idiotic that I have seen posted in this forum.
 
Old 07-16-2010, 08:11 AM
 
5,007 posts, read 7,652,495 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by email_lover View Post
A male relative of mine is 51 years old and recently divorced. He is quite attractive and financially successful. He THINKS he looks 40. (Isn't funny that most men think they look so much younger than they really are?)

Anyway, he decided to look for love in the personal ads and has put in an ad. He is getting quite a bit of replies from women in their 50s. He looks at their pictures and is shocked. He keeps saying, "she looks so old!!" (Actually they look about as old as he does, but he does not see this!) He said no successful young looking 51 year old man wants to date the typical woman who is in the personal ads over the age of 50. He said the 50-60 year old replying to his ad could be seen as very attractive if they were your long term wife and you grew old together, but as a new person in the dating world she seems just old and unattractive.

My male relative is looking at woman mostly from 35-45 and thinks he will find love with a younger woman. What do you think?
You don't know any 50 or 60 year-old women, do you?
 
Old 07-16-2010, 08:19 AM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,457 posts, read 16,366,126 times
Reputation: 13153
I think that eventually he will find his own level. If he shoots too high he won't find any dates. The problem that I've found with recently divorced people is that they have absolutely no idea what they look like after all those years being married. If they're honest, their radar is rusty so they don't know what type of people have been checking them out during the years they were married and now they're clueless. Also, most of us middle aged people have no idea how old we look. I've been told I look 10 years older to as low as 15 years younger (make up your minds people!) so that doesn't help too much. All we can do is make a major effort to stay in shape and get clothes that don't reflect our age so much and shoot high and when things aren't happening, then we can lower our standards. He'll learn, and it's possible that he's just really not ready to date yet.

Anyway, amusingly enough, I"m also 51, and yes, the men look so old. Or you run into an old high school friend and you can't believe how much they've aged. Truth is, we see what we want to see in the mirror and most of us have poor enough eyesight that we can't see our wrinkles.

Another problem: when I'm out and about and meeting people, it's almost impossible to guess how old they might be. There is so much variation among people of my age that I've been off by quite a bit several times. Some of the men I thought were way too old turned out to be younger than me.
 
Old 07-16-2010, 08:30 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,606 posts, read 30,264,898 times
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That is too funny. I divorced at 48. Women at work in the 40-50 realm were coming out of the woodwork. Clearly there were more of them available than there were men of the same age group. After two years I decided I was ready to try to date -- something that kind of terrified me because I hadn't done it since the 60s and the mid-90s were far different.

Not wanting to become a cliche I avoided women in their 30s and early 40s even though several expressed interest. I much preferred someone closer in age to me who had lived through the same times, same history, same societal upheavals, same music, same movies and TV I had and could understand references to them.

I finally settled on a woman of 48 (is that close enough to 50?) whom I'd known for five years and who had been divorced for 18. In fact, she's several years older than the ex so in several senses I traded-up, not down. We're now heading towards our 14th anniversary.

Next month I'll turn 64 and to me, women in their 50s are babes and women in their 60s can be very attractive. Getting older, if you permit yourself to do so gracefully and aren't in denial, can be a lovely experience!

Last edited by Curmudgeon; 07-16-2010 at 08:39 AM..
 
Old 07-16-2010, 08:43 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
9,526 posts, read 19,364,089 times
Reputation: 11344
I've noticed that even men in their 40's look ancient in photos but not so much in real life. Your relative should try having coffee with some of the better prospects, at least for practice, and see what he thinks then.
 
Old 07-16-2010, 08:47 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles>Little Rock>Houston>Little Rock
6,488 posts, read 6,579,340 times
Reputation: 17327
I became a widow at 48 and remarried (a younger man) at 53. It can happen.
 
Old 07-16-2010, 08:48 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,606 posts, read 30,264,898 times
Reputation: 28960
Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka View Post
0Anyway, amusingly enough, I"m also 51, and yes, the men look so old. Or you run into an old high school friend and you can't believe how much they've aged. Truth is, we see what we want to see in the mirror and most of us have poor enough eyesight that we can't see our wrinkles.

Another problem: when I'm out and about and meeting people, it's almost impossible to guess how old they might be. There is so much variation among people of my age that I've been off by quite a bit several times. Some of the men I thought were way too old turned out to be younger than me.
Howdy, Neighbor!

If I wear my glasses I can see every line, wrinkle, scar, you name it. I have no illusions. I'm in my 60s and look every year of it. I also spent many years in the military and law enforcement and that, too, shows on this "old" beaten up body.

I had to chuckle at your remark about high school friends. My wife and I attended her 35th reunion. Given that experience I decided to skip my 40th shortly thereafter. My reasoning was, "Who wants to travel 1,900 miles (CA to MN) to spend a couple of days among fat, balding old men (it was a military prep-school) pretending they remember you well, lying about how good you look and reminscing about the days that were when we were young and full of mischief?"

Ya gotta watch us old guys. We're hard to read!

Quote:
Originally Posted by maggie2101 View Post
I became a widow at 48 and remarried (a younger man) at 53. It can happen.
Ah! One of those young cougars!
 
Old 07-16-2010, 08:52 AM
 
Location: Blankity-blank!
11,450 posts, read 13,893,768 times
Reputation: 6875
Mature women can be wonderful. Probably experienced with many life's situations and able to provide for great companionship. Look around, there are many attractive women over 50. Unless those who have blimped up with age.
 
Old 07-16-2010, 08:53 AM
 
8,680 posts, read 12,816,955 times
Reputation: 15220
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
"Are women in their 50s GENERALLY desirable for dating?"

I think this question is one of the more idiotic that I have seen posted in this forum.
Me too.

But for what it's worth, it's entirely reasonable for a 51-year-old to look to women in their late 30s and their 40s. Mid-30s is pushing it only because many women in their mid-30s still want to have kids and a 51-year-old is an iffy proposition with that. He's more likely to have success with the 45-year-olds than the 35-year-olds. After my divorce in my late 30s, I tried the online dating thing and even though my range was mid-30s to mid-40s at the time, plenty of men in their early 50s said hello.

However, the OP is right about one thing: None of them were as young-looking as they thought they were. The youngest-looking among them looked to be in their mid-40s, and those were the ones who did triathlons and such--and that's if it was to believed that their photos were recent.
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