Is your relationship with your spouse a real struggle or easy going? (long-term, marriage)

[email_lover]

Everything I have read about marriage tells me that it is a major struggle. They say maintaining a good marriage is one of the hardest things a person is ever going to face. A real challenge!

I wonder if this is really true. My husband and I have a great marriage and at no time have we really struggled. In fact our relationship has been easy going, laid back and very comfortable pretty much all the time. We have small disagreements at time but nothing major. There has been no real struggle. How about you?

[dbrickel]

Same here. DH & I are naturally pretty laid back. We do more than our own share and we support each other. DH once said, "I do it so that you don't have to."

This is not to say we don't have arguments. I did find it a struggle to adjust to being married. You have to be a mature person in order for a marriage to work. I thought I was, I learned, and now I know I am.

[BacktoNE]

I didn't vote because "no struggles at all" wasn't one of your options.

I belong to another (private) message board with a few hundred members. We got into a discussion about this a couple of weeks ago. One woman, after 20+ years of a very easy marriage, has recently noticed some significant bumps in the road and is very confused by it.

A good marriage between 2 equal partners is not a struggle. Maturity plays a significant role in how easy a marriage is, as does mutual respect, love, and it really helps if you are lucky enough to marry your best friend.

My DH & I have had 2 or 3 disagreements in 11+ years. When something comes up, we immediately sit down and talk it out. We have NEVER had a fight. There is no yelling, name calling, screaming, and certainly no physical threat. We have a wonderful, and yes, easy marriage.

[seeniorita]

No relationship is without a bump in the road every now and then. I think a true measure of how successful a marriage is how you make it through the tough times. The easy going times are just that EASY. It's something about struggles that will either break the bond or make it stronger. The best marriages seem to be between people who are also best friends.

[sierraAZ]

My relationship with my last spouse was a real struggle 'cause he wasn't a big "weekend traveler," if you know what I mean...

[Hobokenkitchen]

Our marriage is pretty easy going. We do have arguments as we're both very strong willed people, but our arguments are quickly over and there is no lingering resentment because we communicate openly and honestly with each other.
I like being married - it's fun and great to be part of such a good team.
Being best friends defintely helps!

[yankeegirl313]

Its pretty easy for the most part. Of course we have our days, but we try to work together as a team, and it works out pretty good for us.
Ask me again in ten years!

[crazyworld]

I think I am married to the most laid back person on earth........LOL

We have been best friends since we were 16 years old and now in our 50's we have been married 33 years and are still the best of friends.
Of course there are bumps in the road through the years especially with the kids but it is how you overcome it.
If it all wasn't a rollercoaster ride life would be boring.

[TaoistDude]

What a revelation this relationship has been! My first, very long-term marriage was never really happy, even though we didn't fight much. We just weren't a good match.

This relationship (10+ years) is everything I'd ever hoped a relationship could be, and far more. Of course we have rare disagreements and misunderstandings, but they are resolved quickly - neither of can stand being upset with each other.

We have also lived through some very tough times, including a debilitating chronic illness (some significant progress towards resolution of that lately, though), job loss, moving away from family and friends, etc., but all of that has only brought us closer and we look out for each other in all ways.

Even with everything we've had to deal with, the relationship itself has been easy, happy, and fulfilling. Very little effort or "work" has been needed whatsoever. We are an ideal match.

[Curmudgeon]

Easy for the most part. I married my friend and she feels the same way. We'd known one another five years and I finally asked her out 2+years following my divorce from someone I was married to for 25 years and who, as it turned out, was never really my friernd.

That we were and remain, but for the working part, one another's educational, intellectual, professional and spiritual equals has made getting along relatively easy. We both entered into this marriage almost 14 years ago with nothing of note so we started from scratch. We're now retired, own a modest but more than satisfactory home on a large lake and continue to enjoy one another's company.