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Old 07-19-2010, 03:42 PM
 
881 posts, read 594,114 times
Reputation: 313
Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyworld View Post
Run like the wind

In my dating years which was a long time ago I was dating a guy that I was crazy about and assumed he was crazy about me but I found out that on the off nights he was with someone else, was also engaged to another yet got another girl pregnant....

Player.....Run

It sounds like you already know the answer anyway.
Thank you for the honesty.

I have already planned girls nights for every day this week to stop myself from being tempted to going back, or letting him back in.

I am actually a little excited to go dancing and to karaoke solo again.

I am getting a lot of insight lately and feeling a bit wiser through this all.

Wow, I can be so blind it is kinda scary! lol....

 
Old 07-19-2010, 03:42 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
44,370 posts, read 54,887,007 times
Reputation: 37148
BTW, I wasn't saying this guy is definitely a scumbag - I was saying you seem to have a tendency to trust too quickly before trust has really been earned. Doing that is what can lead to be taken advantage of by scumbags.

No need to be all in his face or "confrontational" when this guy comes over later today.

Just tell him matter of factly what you discovered on your computer and tell him that his actions have made you very uncomfortable and are unacceptable to you.

It IS rude to use one girls computer to flirt with other girls, even if you weren't exclusive yet.

Give him a chance to explain his viewpoint or explain his actions before you just kick him to the curb. SOMETIMES things are not what they seem, though if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...



Quote:
Originally Posted by misswee View Post
ok.

Man I wish I had someone here to steer me in the right direction.

Just keep it coming you guys, this stuff IS sinking in.

Hopefully the next time around you guys will see me applying some of this stuff.....

I am not really that upset, so that is a good sign, but i do really feel like a hug goodbye or something.

I think I'll let him come over after work still, and then confront him and at least get a hug goodbye.

this sucks, but yeah, i am obviously not ready to lay a proper foundation for a relationship yet.

Dang me and my stupid nervousness and jaggermeister...... Next time I'll just have to gulp through the nervous I guess so i don't make the same mistake twice.


Glad to have the learning experience though.
 
Old 07-19-2010, 03:46 PM
 
Location: My Private Island
4,928 posts, read 4,470,390 times
Reputation: 12139
Quote:
Originally Posted by misswee View Post

Well, I may sound young but I am not. NEW to this dating thing YES, BRAND new, but not young at all. 37.

Well, I know two of his friends will be hearing about it pronto. They added me to their facebook before I even added him to mine, so they are at least a little interested in what is going on with me to track me down on facebook.
I have no words
 
Old 07-19-2010, 03:47 PM
 
881 posts, read 594,114 times
Reputation: 313
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
The only way for you learn anything about this situation, is to ask him yourself.

But no, you don't want to learn anything, which is why "he's a scumbag" is a post that gets your hearty thank you. You want to wallow in drama rather than find an actually solution.

No worries, plenty of other people will come along to tell you what you want to hear, that you are a woman done wrong and that you should dump him!!

Well, hit me over the head with the hammer here please. I don't understand what you are getting at.

you don't think I should just run?

I won't call him a scum bag, but I don't know if I want to stay.

I would rather be more just friends with someone who is dating around, and that would be completley normal, and fine with me completely.

But to have someone who I am sleeping with, and who is talking about meeting family, and turning from against marriage to wanting marriage and a real family etc, well, either he is being genuine and I am over reacting, or he is just trying to find someones heart to rip out, don't you think???

Help me here. I AM listening. Usually the things that rub me the wrong way are the things I need to hear the most, so help me out here.
 
Old 07-19-2010, 03:48 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,373 posts, read 7,092,105 times
Reputation: 10052
Quote:
Originally Posted by misswee View Post
Well, I may sound young but I am not. NEW to this dating thing YES, BRAND new, but not young at all. 37.

Well, I know two of his friends will be hearing about it pronto. They added me to their facebook before I even added him to mine, so they are at least a little interested in what is going on with me to track me down on facebook.
You are 37 years old, acting all dramatic with the tears, and now you are going to discuss this with his friends on facebook?

I now see why this guy is chit chatting with women online. He's hedging his bets, and I don't blame him one bit.
 
Old 07-19-2010, 03:49 PM
 
881 posts, read 594,114 times
Reputation: 313
Quote:
Originally Posted by seeniorita View Post
I have no words
please explain what you mean instead of just making fun of me.
 
Old 07-19-2010, 03:50 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
44,370 posts, read 54,887,007 times
Reputation: 37148
Quote:
Originally Posted by misswee View Post
Well, hit me over the head with the hammer here please. I don't understand what you are getting at.

you don't think I should just run?

I won't call him a scum bag, but I don't know if I want to stay.

I would rather be more just friends with someone who is dating around, and that would be completley normal, and fine with me completely.

But to have someone who I am sleeping with, and who is talking about meeting family, and turning from against marriage to wanting marriage and a real family etc, well, either he is being genuine and I am over reacting, or he is just trying to find someones heart to rip out, don't you think???

Help me here. I AM listening. Usually the things that rub me the wrong way are the things I need to hear the most, so help me out here.
IF you'd really truly rather just be friends with someone who is dating around, then take some responsibility for that!

BEFORE you have sex with them determine that he has the same goals going forward as you do.

Did you or did you not have any discussion with him about being exclusive with one another?
 
Old 07-19-2010, 03:52 PM
 
881 posts, read 594,114 times
Reputation: 313
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
You are 37 years old, acting all dramatic with the tears, and now you are going to discuss this with his friends on facebook?

I now see why this guy is chit chatting with women online. He's hedging his bets, and I don't blame him one bit.

I am not chatting with his friends on facebook, they added me, I am not talking to them!

I meant he will be talking to those two friends obviously, if you look back at the context.

He is the one who wanted his friends to all meet me so badly... geesh.
 
Old 07-19-2010, 03:52 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,373 posts, read 7,092,105 times
Reputation: 10052
Quote:
Originally Posted by misswee View Post
Well, hit me over the head with the hammer here please. I don't understand what you are getting at.

you don't think I should just run?

I won't call him a scum bag, but I don't know if I want to stay.

I would rather be more just friends with someone who is dating around, and that would be completley normal, and fine with me completely.

But to have someone who I am sleeping with, and who is talking about meeting family, and turning from against marriage to wanting marriage and a real family etc, well, either he is being genuine and I am over reacting, or he is just trying to find someones heart to rip out, don't you think???

Help me here. I AM listening. Usually the things that rub me the wrong way are the things I need to hear the most, so help me out here.
My brain is hurting now so this will be my last post.

Just because you slept with him doesn't make you exclusive. You are 37, you should know better by now. Next time make sure you have an actual relationship before you start having sex.

That he is talking about meeting family means he is considering you a long-term material. However, you aren't there yet. And I guarantee you, you will never get there if you keep up this lunacy.
 
Old 07-19-2010, 03:55 PM
 
881 posts, read 594,114 times
Reputation: 313
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
IF you'd really truly rather just be friends with someone who is dating around, then take some responsibility for that!

BEFORE you have sex with them determine that he has the same goals going forward as you do.

Did you or did you not have any discussion with him about being exclusive with one another?

Well, not really but he is completely possesive already. he definatly dosen't want ME seeing anyone else. he has made that pretty clear!

Like I said, if any guy talks to me, he runs over and puts his arm around me or kisses me in front of them.

He has already told me about a few guys who he wanted to knock their blocks off.

I am actually relived because the possesiveness wouldn't be something I could tollerate for long anyways.

Mabey it will be better to end it so early and then be friends later instead.
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