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I am going to start out saying that I am pretty humiliated having to post this to begin with and am actually looking for advice on how to get over this stupid thing. And it IS stupid.
I have been married for a long time and for whatever reason, the thought of any of my DH's ex's drives me nuts. He had friended 3 of them on Facebook and I did not like that, I don't like seeing their pictures, I don't even like to vacation places that I know they have been together. I know this is absolutely STUPID but I don't know why I am so insecure about this. My Dh is amazing and has never given me any reason to be jealous or upset about other women. I bring this all on myself. I know he loves me, I know that he is happy being married to me. I even know that I should have the thought in my head of I am the one that ended up with him, he did not want the others.
I am truly looking for someone to virtually slap me upside my head and tell me how to get over this.
Agreed, it's a silly bad habit, and while I'm not certain how you can overcome it, I have a suggestion or two.
First of all, notice when this feeling or reaction surfaces. Don't try to ignore or dismiss it out of hand. Try to really look at the feeling - almost like meditation - and see if you can find something in your past or experience that triggers this reaction. Understanding often defuses the reaction.
If that's not enough, then take the feeling and see where it leads you - what is the worst that can happen if you imagine following it through to whatever conclusion it leads you to. Maybe it's so far-fetched that you can laugh at it, and laughter can also defuse these thoughts.
Things to watch for may be jealousy of them, however unreasonable, fear, that they may still hold some appeal for him that you can't match, envy that they had shared experiences with him that you weren't part of ...
Squash the jealousy, hate to give you the bad news, but its your own insecurity and from the looks of your post, unfounded, but I have to admit it would raise some questions in my mind as well. Heres a thought... Its possible he enjoys provoking the jealousy to reassure himself.
could it be a way of getting attention or a way to make yourself feel sorry for yourself? do you like to throw yourself little pity parties? shake it off. if you can't tell hubby it bugs you. does it bother you so much you want him to unfriend them? that would be wierd, then he looks like a henpecked hubby. man up if it were and get over it girl
There's nothing stupid about your reaction. Why does he need to friend his ex's? Especially if he knows it bothers you. It's normal for you to feel this way, who really enjoys the idea of their S.O. being straddled by someone else, even if it was in the past. That's where he should have kept his ex's, in the past.
I don't think you are entirely in the wrong here. If you have let him know that it bothers you, and he doesn't see the issue, and continues to be their FB friend, then he is disregarding your feelings.
Similar situations actually ruined two of my past relationships. One involved a SO befriending a lonely single mom and blatantly saying "no" when I asked him to end the friendship. He denied anything inappropriate was going on, but I'm not stupid. We split up, I moved far, far away, they got married about 7 months later, had two kids, and are now divorced after she engaged in a lengthy affair with her new man. Not shockingly, ex-SO is fishing for info my whereabouts and status now. No thanks.
The second situation involved an SO who refused to cut ties with past girlfriends. This made me jealous and I was frequently thrown in to situations were the exes were there and I was unaware they'd been invited. We mutually ended our relationship, he continued to try to be friends, I continue to say no. Not interested. He's already been married and divorced in the 5 years since.
My point is that I may have insecurities, but I let them be known. If the man chooses to disregard that something he is doing is making you feel insecure, then you have a problem. He is not putting value in your feelings.
I am going to start out saying that I am pretty humiliated having to post this to begin with and am actually looking for advice on how to get over this stupid thing. And it IS stupid.
I have been married for a long time and for whatever reason, the thought of any of my DH's ex's drives me nuts. He had friended 3 of them on Facebook and I did not like that, I don't like seeing their pictures, I don't even like to vacation places that I know they have been together. I know this is absolutely STUPID but I don't know why I am so insecure about this. My Dh is amazing and has never given me any reason to be jealous or upset about other women. I bring this all on myself. I know he loves me, I know that he is happy being married to me. I even know that I should have the thought in my head of I am the one that ended up with him, he did not want the others.
I am truly looking for someone to virtually slap me upside my head and tell me how to get over this.
Depends...were these 3 GF's or wives? I guess if they were HS GF's, I'd shake it off as nostalgia...if they were wives? I'd be taking a hard look at him & myself!
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