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Honestly, it's not every person who is knowledgeable enough about autism spectrum disorders, or patient enough to deal with the behavioral challenges that can be part and parcel of Asperger's or any ASD to make it the easiest thing in the world to find a girlfriend who can deal with it or is interested in dealing with it. That said, there are some awesome people out there. I work, as I've mentioned to you before, in education dealing specifically with people and families living with ASDs, and I can think of many examples of people with Asperger's who have functional romantic relationships. But it's true that there are a lot of people out there who are just not going to understand your Asperger's, and, worse, who aren't going to be willing to deal with it as a part of their lives, too. That's okay, these aren't the people you're going to want/need in your life anyway.
It doesn't sound as if you've let your AS limit you. Don't let it limit you in this venue, either. There are plenty of people who limit themselves romantically who are N/T!
I think you'd be better served not falling into the trap of analyzing what "women" do or don't want or like. If you're stuck on that, rather than on bettering yourself (with awareness comes the ability to self-correct) than you will never have a relationship.
Post of the day.
Clear, precise, and gosh darn it, just old fashion common sense.
Honestly, it's not every person who is knowledgeable enough about autism spectrum disorders, or patient enough to deal with the behavioral challenges that can be part and parcel of Asperger's or any ASD to make it the easiest thing in the world to find a girlfriend who can deal with it or is interested in dealing with it. That said, there are some awesome people out there. I work, as I've mentioned to you before, in education dealing specifically with people and families living with ASDs, and I can think of many examples of people with Asperger's who have functional romantic relationships. But it's true that there are a lot of people out there who are just not going to understand your Asperger's, and, worse, who aren't going to be willing to deal with it as a part of their lives, too. That's okay, these aren't the people you're going to want/need in your life anyway.
It doesn't sound as if you've let your AS limit you. Don't let it limit you in this venue, either. There are plenty of people who limit themselves romantically who are N/T!
You're right that I don't let it dissuade me throughout my entire life. However, it doesn't come with an on/off switch or a manual full of instructions. Recently, I've turned into a fitness fanatic as I've undertaken the P90X workout program. I've lost over 40 pounds, and I'm trying get leaned and toned up hoping that will better my chances. You never know until you try. It seems that I must work twice as hard to get respect sometimes.
I always hear women say they want nice clean-cut guys that treat them with respect. However, they go after the exact opposite everywhere I look.
Think about it, - it's the same as hearing men say, they want a clean, nice lady who could be their friend, yet they look at, search for, and fall for shallow pretty things.
This has nothing to do with having or not having Aspergers. A woman have to live her life some (i.e. mature) to overcome falling for shallow qualities, - as well as men have to mature to be able to see past the bra size. Maybe you've experienced only women who are still in the search and growing mode? As well as yourself may still be maturing, missing "the good gals" ?
Well to me the answer would seem the obvious because we're known to have integrity. However, that could be my bias towards the person with Asperger's, but I always find it odd how I see so many sociopaths have women throwing themselves at their feet.
I knew of a guy who was a convicted rapist with enough tattoos to form a mural. He wasn't confident as much as he was insecure. I may have AS, but I'm not stupid. He knew I could see through him as he was always hiding something. Yet, he was great at manipulating these women into thinking he was only misunderstood and they fell for it. They didn't know what a scumbag he really was until it was too late.
Yes, but you're presenting only two options: black or white. You're leaving out all the shades of gray.
If I had to choose between a man with Asperger's and a convicted rapist, obviously I would not choose the rapist! But you've put both men and women into groups of either/or, and life isn't like that. My father has Asperger's, and my 15-year-old son has a more extreme case, with severe meltdowns. I WORK with people with Asperger's and HF Autism. So, I honestly don't know if I can also be with a partner with AS, because at some point, I need someone who will be there for ME. But, I also said it depends on the individual, so I won't rule anyone out...except a convicted rapist/murderer/child molester.
I do not know anyone who has Asperger's Syndrome. To be frank, I didn't know what it was until I googled it.
Since I have psychological/psychiatric issues of my own, I could not date or be with a mate who has Asperger's Syndrome.
But I am not discriminating against anyone who has this malady; there was a guy who suffered from schizophrenia who was interested in me. I couldn't have had a relationship with him, either, though I really liked him as a friend.
I would choose and did choose the 'bad boy', though he's mellowed over the years.
He isn't covered in tattoos, but he was 'bad to the bone' when I met him, but mellowing.
I think that the most important thing when looking for someone is that you can learn from each other and draw from each other's strongest traits.
For me, I cannot see that happening with someone who has Asperger's or any other psychiatric ailment because I have one or two of my own.
I don't intend to sound mean, but it's best that I have a more grounded person (I was going to write 'normal' but what the hell is 'normal'?).
I do not know anyone who has Asperger's Syndrome. To be frank, I didn't know what it was until I googled it.
Since I have psychological/psychiatric issues of my own, I could not date or be with a mate who has Asperger's Syndrome.
But I am not discriminating against anyone who has this malady; there was a guy who suffered from schizophrenia who was interested in me. I couldn't have had a relationship with him, either, though I really liked him as a friend.
I would choose and did choose the 'bad boy', though he's mellowed over the years.
He isn't covered in tattoos, but he was 'bad to the bone' when I met him, but mellowing.
I think that the most important thing when looking for someone is that you can learn from each other and draw from each other's strongest traits.
For me, I cannot see that happening with someone who has Asperger's or any other psychiatric ailment because I have one or two of my own.
I don't intend to sound mean, but it's best that I have a more grounded person (I was going to write 'normal' but what the hell is 'normal'?).
That's quite alright! You sound like you'd be a handful to deal with as well, so I'm not at all offended. In fact, it sounds like you're actually doing me a favor.
Yes, but you're presenting only two options: black or white. You're leaving out all the shades of gray.
If I had to choose between a man with Asperger's and a convicted rapist, obviously I would not choose the rapist! But you've put both men and women into groups of either/or, and life isn't like that. My father has Asperger's, and my 15-year-old son has a more extreme case, with severe meltdowns. I WORK with people with Asperger's and HF Autism. So, I honestly don't know if I can also be with a partner with AS, because at some point, I need someone who will be there for ME. But, I also said it depends on the individual, so I won't rule anyone out...except a convicted rapist/murderer/child molester.
I'm not really presenting only two options. You can choose all you want. I was just using the rapist as an example. All I'm asking is for a simple yes or no.
I think you'd be better served not falling into the trap of analyzing what "women" do or don't want or like. If you're stuck on that, rather than on bettering yourself (with awareness comes the ability to self-correct) than you will never have a relationship.
I just keep trying to understand some of the things they do. For instance, I keep having a hard time wrapping my head around why my older sister makes such poor choices dating men. She isn't the only one. I often wonder if a lot of these younger women who love bad boys think their magic vaginas really will turn them into princes in shining armor like in Beauty in the Beast or if they do it because they think it makes them look sexy to their girlfriends.
One woman said men can be just as shallow. That much is true. I'm sure most men would rather go after the woman with the large cup size and the bleached blond hair. They probably will be more inclined to pursue a topless dancer or waitress at Hooter's than the librarian. I may rather sleep with the former, but I'd rather date the librarian for a long term relationship.
I have no idea where the topless dancers and Hooter's waitresses have been. What I do know is the kind of seedy people they hang around and the environments their exposed to. I don't judge people by the way they look, but I can tell a lot about them by how they talk, what they wear, who they hang out with, and their actions. I surmise I'd be able to communicated better with the librarian. In fact, there was one whom I really liked, but she was married.
I'm not really presenting only two options. You can choose all you want. I was just using the rapist as an example. All I'm asking is for a simple yes or no.
There IS no simple "yes or no", unless you are trying to say that all men with Asperger's are exactly the same. They're not.
You seem to have a bit of a chip on your shoulder regarding women, and are making quite a few assumptions, so I guess there's not much more I can say. No answer works for you, except "yes or no", and that's only when comparing an "intelligent, sweet guy" with Asperger's to a "bad boy". You asked an honest (heavily loaded) question, I gave an honest answer. Who, in their right mind, would want the latter in this situation:
Quote:
Originally Posted by daugenstine
Would you date a guy with Asperger's who was intelligent and sweet? Or would you rather spend half your energy trying to turn bad boys into princes hoping they won't smash your heart into pieces? It's an honest question.
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