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He walked out of the room without saying anything and asked his mom to leave with him. I guess they went back to the house. I'm sure they are not coming back anytime soon.
At the risk of sounding harsh and speaking out of turn.... if your screen name is any hope, neither will be back ever.
He says that his mom had neither a good life, a good marriage, and a good man (yes, his father). So he's trying to make up for the time wasted. He worships him mom. It's actually becoming very creepy now. Oh, did I mention he just turned 54? Mom would come here and send me around like I'm her little maid. "MissLucky, can I have a bowl of cereal and grape juice please?" **** that. I'm done.
He's the surrogate husband to his mother and you are the mistress she tolerates because you provide something he needs (sex). If he's that old I doubt you are the first to be treated in such a fashion. Personally, I'd pretend to be a Tokyo citizen and flee - you've got a Godzilla in the house.
Hi MissLucky...I'm going to give my opinion and then tell you a little story about a friend of mine...
Opinion-There's two ways to look at this: He's concerned about his mothers health, well being, etc which is normal and very caring and right. HOWEVER, he does need to speak to you first about bringing her around without notice especially if she just spent two weeks with you guys at YOUR house. I mean you two need to have your life/space/privacy together and she needs to realize that and so does he. I honestly do not think its going to get any better so you probably have some thinking to do.
Story: My friend married a doctor with extremely wealthy parents. I mean the one time I met the parents of him, the mother was wearing at least a $250K emerald and diamond necklace "around the house". I honestly told my friend that I was about to punch the old lady and run out of the house with the necklace!! Back to the story, lol, the son (SMOKING HOT DOCTOR) was a COMPLETE mommas boy. I found out that the parents went on their honeyoon with them and every vacation after that. Plus the mom would stay at their house 3 nights a week!!!! My friend would decorate the house to her liking and then come home and the MIL had redecorated it to HER (MILs) taste!!!! She finally couldn't take it and got a divorce..Good thing she kept the 3 carat ring like I told her too. She was actually going to give it back!!!
It's his mother... and you are a girlfriend, not a wife. I think you were out of line. He went to her house, they had a nice chat and decided she'd stay with him for the weekend. Live in bf/gf situations are roommates in a relationship; this isn't a marriage. You say that there are "procedures" he needs to follow if he wants to bring a guest into the home... how ridiculous. You are his gf, not a mom interacting with a 14 year old boy.
Are you serious? She has no right to decide who stays in their mutual living space without discussion?
And if he's like most guys, mom visiting means the woman of the house has to feed, serve, entertain...all her plans really are out the window.
And what the hell? Who brings a houseguest for the weekend without asking his roommates/gf/bf/etc? That is just plain rude.
I wonder if there is something going on. Is his mother going through a rough patch and needs her son? Is there more to this story? Maybe the op doesn't know about some information regarding the current family dynamic...there is too little information here to make a clear decision.
My wife just made a great point - why doesn't the son just stay at the mother's house? My wife suspects that the reason he keeps bringing her to his place is so that he can pawn her off on the girlfriend. So in the mother's eyes, he looks like a wonderful son; but he knows the truth - he can pawn her off on the girlfriend and go about his business. Otherwise there is no reason he couldn't stay with his mother at HER house, especially if it's just for a weekend (no commute to consider, etc).
The real issue is that you were feeling disrespected. He is in a relationship and should learn to let you know about things that will affect your life (consideration). However....it takes men until age 60 (if ever) to really "get that". On the other hand as we get older we think about the reality of losing our parents and he might feel the need to spend more time with her. His mother knows things about him you don't know and he may need that right now. In a relationship there are always two sides to the story. You both sound like caring people - good luck. P.S. When he gets home give him a big hug. You give in a little - he'll give in a little (never go to bed mad). If you can't resolve an issue - LET IT GO FOR NOW. DISCUSS THINGS WHEN YOU ARE IN A BETTER MOOD.
Psalms139
Hi MissLucky...I'm going to give my opinion and then tell you a little story about a friend of mine...
Opinion-There's two ways to look at this: He's concerned about his mothers health, well being, etc which is normal and very caring and right. HOWEVER, he does need to speak to you first about bringing her around without notice especially if she just spent two weeks with you guys at YOUR house. I mean you two need to have your life/space/privacy together and she needs to realize that and so does he. I honestly do not think its going to get any better so you probably have some thinking to do.
Story: My friend married a doctor with extremely wealthy parents. I mean the one time I met the parents of him, the mother was wearing at least a $250K emerald and diamond necklace "around the house". I honestly told my friend that I was about to punch the old lady and run out of the house with the necklace!! Back to the story, lol, the son (SMOKING HOT DOCTOR) was a COMPLETE mommas boy. I found out that the parents went on their honeyoon with them and every vacation after that. Plus the mom would stay at their house 3 nights a week!!!! My friend would decorate the house to her liking and then come home and the MIL had redecorated it to HER (MILs) taste!!!! She finally couldn't take it and got a divorce..Good thing she kept the 3 carat ring like I told her too. She was actually going to give it back!!!
Good luck OP and keep us posted!
Oh my gosh, isn't that something! Trust me if I allow this situation to continue, I may end up going with her to our honeymoon as well.
I just deleted and/or edited 19 posts because there were so many personal attacks. I am going to close the thread if it can't be handled. No name calling.
I read this thread through from the beginning and here are my thoughts MissLucky:
1. You did nothing wrong in your handling of the situation. I don't know how you got through the previous 2 week stay without going insane.
2. I believe he knows very well how you feel about this mother and wonder if he is using his mother's visits as a way to break up your relationship. He might be too much of a coward to initiate it himself, but hoping continued Mommy visits put you over the edge.
3. Despite what else he may offer you, think hard about moving on or your life will be miserable. He's waiting for YOU to make the next move.
I read this thread through from the beginning and here are my thoughts MissLucky:
1. You did nothing wrong in your handling of the situation. I don't know how you got through the previous 2 week stay without going insane.
2. I believe he knows very well how you feel about this mother and wonder if he is using his mother's visits as a way to break up your relationship. He might be too much of a coward to initiate it himself, but hoping continued Mommy visits put you over the edge.
3. Despite what else he may offer you, think hard about moving on or your life will be miserable. He's waiting for YOU to make the next move.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Creek, thanks for your valuable input. No, he's not trying to breakup with me, but he told me recently that he feels that things are not the same anymore. That something has changed in me. Which is true.
I'm going to make my next move pretty soon.
Update on last night's situation:
He sneaked into the house around 1am. Woke me up around 9am to tell me that he has to go and pick who else but mom and take her to church. I said okay. I mean, whatever, right? He goes and comes back 3 hours later with some packages, and goes straight to the kichen and start cooking. So I'm sitting in my bedroom smelling all these delicious meals which happens to be roast chicken, rice, greens, potatoes, etc. I mean he's cooking all sorts of meals you can think of
Later after he finishes, he comes to me, "MissLucky, can I please bring mom for dinner here then I will take her back home? I promise I will" (somewhat sarcastically) so I say okay. It's fine. Whatever. Mom comes back home (she was a bit stand-offish to me so I guess she has been informed) eats, then off they leave.
This situation will never end. Most of you have truly helped me realize some things and I thank you for that. This is not a healthy situation at all. At least for me it's not.
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