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I think friendships are like mini marriages. It takes both parties to make it lasting. Sometimes one party consistently do things that eventually tire the other party out. I can only think of 2 friendships where I had a falling out with them, a tiff where it ended the friendship. Others have simply died off due to changes in life. I have a pattern of making friends with needy people. I am a good listener and end up finding that the friendship is basically one sided. I eventually realize this when I need a shoulder to cry on and that person seems bothered.
People these days are just full of drama. Anything they can find to b* about, trust me they will. I don't know why, but it seams like people will go as far as to make up an excuse to be pissed off @ someone just to hate them. It's sad, but it's true. Everyone's all loony in the head now a days. haha
I think it depends alot of one's age as to what expectations are in friendships. When you're young it's mostly about school, work, socializing, couples, kids, etc. When you get older it becomes about who the person really is. I agree that as you get to know someone we have to decide what we can and can't accept about their shortcomings. I usually break it down to do the good parts outweigh the bad parts and would this person really be there for me when I truly needed it. I know friends accept my personality flaws too.
One close friend of mine is a really good person, has alot of people in her life and is very active. I think we are close friends but I'm not so sure, sometimes I think maybe I'm just number 5 on her rotating list of people to see. Occasionally she just "forgets" that she mentioned getting together for a certain occasion. Then I don't hear from her...it doesn't always happen but enough times to hurt me. I never know when she says let's get together on such and such if she really means it or not. I really have a hard time getting "blown off", even if it isn't intentional. I keep the date open and could have made other plans. She acts like it's no big deal but if I ever did that to her, oh boy! I know I have to write things down on my calendar right away so I can remember! I'm at the point where it is affecting my friendship with her. Not sure what to do...
I also sent her an email invite for her and her husband to come over for dinner next month and gave her 2 choices of dates, that was over two weeks ago and haven't heard a thing back from her. To me, that is just rude. I really can't imagine our not being friends but I'm at the point where I just want to back off.
I don't think that well balanced friendships have a life cycle. The key is keeping the friendship balanced. I think that a lot of people love the "new car smell" of a new friend, but once the novelty fades, the interest is gone.
Also, there are some people who are not satisfied without drama. They aren't necessarily bad people, but they get frustrated without conflict. Again, once the novelty of a new friend has worn off, the drama starts.
What do you think? Do friendships just have a natural life-cycle and its how its supposed to be. And that instead of getting bent out of shape, should we just accept the inevitable and move on when it happens?
I think that people do things that get under our skin. We don't say anything because it "should not bother us" or we are hoping that the person will come to their senses. We are hoping that the person will change because we want to "help" them. The thing is that this may never happen. And then "Boom!" we have had enough.
It is no different between a parent who allows a child to continue an undesirable behavior and then become angry because they had enough.
I don't think that well balanced friendships have a life cycle. The key is keeping the friendship balanced. I think that a lot of people love the "new car smell" of a new friend, but once the novelty fades, the interest is gone.
Also, there are some people who are not satisfied without drama. They aren't necessarily bad people, but they get frustrated without conflict. Again, once the novelty of a new friend has worn off, the drama starts.
I disagree. I totally get the 'new car smell' allure of a new romantic relationship, but I find starting new friendships can be tiring, and I love having friends who already know me.
"A true friend is the person who no matter how you treated them the day before still keeps their promise to stand by you the next."
Have you ever considered that you are not being a true friend?
There's an ocean of a difference between a good friend and a doormat. You just described a doormat. If someone is going to treat me like crap, and have no regards for how I may percieve that...then the hell can they expect me to stand by them?
Example: Last night I had a fallout with someone who I've only been on 3 dates with! Well, not even proper dates, just going over to his house to hangout. (bad choice!)
Not only was he rude when he contacted me, asking me to 'hurry up and bring beer, or I'll call someone who can come faster" (then he says he's joking when I told him I'm not coming). But then, he expected me to go fetch his shorts (that he forgot) from downstairs at the pool, and then when I looked at him cross....he tells me, "you might as well go home, because you're irritating me".
Rather than sit there and argue with him and tell him off, thus increasing my blood pressure (and everyone else who was drinking) and escalating the situation; he didn't even realize that I had slipped out the door and driven off. No apology from him. Guess he thought I was downstairs getting his shorts
I rather just walk away from idiots rather than fuss and argue with them. People like that (as others have mentioned) live to start up drama. And then when they get their ass beat, I'm the villian?
Quote:
Originally Posted by rebelwoman
People these days are just full of drama. Anything they can find to b* about, trust me they will. I don't know why, but it seams like people will go as far as to make up an excuse to be pissed off @ someone just to hate them. It's sad, but it's true. Everyone's all loony in the head now a days. haha
It depends on who you befriend. Many of my relationships (platonic and romantic) ended in POW! because of my poor choices in company. Some people are not mature enough to handle disagreements in any other way.
As a general truth, the relationships you care about the most are the ones that will cause you the most pain when they fail somehow. The result is often not pretty, but such is the nature of emotions.
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