Would you get married again? (dating, boyfriend, women, husband)

[wzippler]

Originally Posted by birdrgal

For those either divorced or widowed: Do you want to, or would you, get married again?

I am married now, and have no plans to get divorced, but if something were to happen to my husband I sincerely doubt I would ever get remarried.

You see I am sort of an oddball. I am one of the few Christians I know, that does not believe in blind faith. I prefer reasoned faith. I am constantly reading books like "The New Evidence That Demands a Verdict" , "I Don't Have Enough Faith to be an Atheist" , and "Darwin's Black Box". And I could not marry someone who thinks it is a sin to read those kind of books.

I have a hard time dealing with otherwise intelligent people that turn their brain completely off when they hear the word God. Almost everyone I know believes in completely blind faith with no intelligence involved. Or disagrees with me on religious matters (This includes my husband who is an atheist.)

If I were ever free to get remarried I would need to find someone who beliefs are similar to mine. And sadly I find that highly improbable.

[Teach07]

I was married very young and it last 6 years. Afterwards, and with a young baby, I found new independence, purchased a home, traveled all over the place and returned to grad school, excelling in my career. But you know what...when I got through fooling myself, the ride was nice and I prefer to be in a committed, caring relationship any day over my so called 'independence'. You can have independence in a relationship anytime. Having someone to talk to you, to learn the paths of life with you, to explore, it means more than anything. Instead of being angry, bitter or resentful, you have to realize that from a spiritual standpoint, we are "love" as beings and it's the very act of "seperatism" that has us thinking we dont need each other. So I've been in good relationships and bad. I am not stressing over the "one" but I do desire it and with that, I can not say what I will NEVER do because I am not even promised tomorrow. I'd much rather live and love.

[birdrgal]

Originally Posted by Teach07

Instead of being angry, bitter or resentful, you have to realize that from a spiritual standpoint, we are "love" as beings and it's the very act of "seperatism" that has us thinking we dont need each other.

I understand what you're saying, but you should realize that not all of us who don't want to get married again are "angry, bitter, or resentful". We have discovered what kind of life makes us happiest and are sticking to that. In other words we now know ourselves and like Shakespeare said 'To thine own self be true'.

Many of us had the same experience you had, but in reverse. You said "when I got through fooling myself, the ride was nice and I prefer to be in a committed, caring relationship". In other words you eventually realized that you had been fooling yourself into thinking that being on your own was the right thing for you, and you now know that you are happier when you have a serious relationship with someone.

But for me and others it is the opposite: after having been married we realized that we were fooling ourselves into thinking that that was the right thing for us, and we now know that we are happier when we are not in that kind of relationship.

I disagree with the philosophy of "everybody needs somebody" because I don't think it is true. Some people are emotionally best suited to being in a relationship and some people are emotionally best suited to not being in one. Neither kind of person is "right" or "wrong", or "healthy" or "unhealthy", it's just the way different people are. Just like some people are suited to be parents and others aren't. Would you say that if someone knows in their heart and mind that they don't want to have children and wouldn't be willing to take on all that raising children entails, "needs" to have children? For that person, having children would be a big mistake and unfair to both the person and the children. It's the same way with marriage, it's right for some but not for others.

I agree independence is a pretty vague word and it covers a lot of things: physical independence, emotional independence, financial independence, philosophical/religious independence - and we all have different requirements and tolerance levels for each, and people do trade-offs of each all the time in relationships and in life!

[Init4me]

I have been divorced and now I am engaged again to a great girl. I often still have concerns about getting married again because I do like the freedom I had when I was single. For the most part I am a guy who likes the security of a relationship, however I do not want to get married for that reason alone. I have about 9 months to figuire this out before the big day. Another issue is she is younger then me and may want children. I have been honest with her and told her I am not interested in any more kids. She says she is fine with that, but sometimes I feel she thinks she will change my mind. Any good advice here would be great. I am 43 and a successful professional. My daughter will be starting college this year.

[JeepGirl118]

I voted: I'm not planning or looking, but wouldn't rule out the possibility

[sassyone]

Originally Posted by birdrgal

For those either divorced or widowed: Do you want to, or would you, get married again?

I would not, because I discovered that I love my independence and having my living space all to myself too much to ever consider giving it up. But I have a few friends of the same age (late 50s) who are at the other extreme, desperate to find a spouse because of either being lonely or afraid there "won't be anyone to take care of" them "in their old age".

Two of my other friends are like me, we all say "Never again".

How about everyone else?

I would not get married again, I love my husband, but if something were to happen getting married again would not interest me. If it were living with someone that might be great. I would like to take trips with my girlfriends, things that you might not be able to do if you're married.

[Tropical Trouble]

Originally Posted by Init4me

I have been divorced and now I am engaged again to a great girl. I often still have concerns about getting married again because I do like the freedom I had when I was single. For the most part I am a guy who likes the security of a relationship, however I do not want to get married for that reason alone. I have about 9 months to figuire this out before the big day. Another issue is she is younger then me and may want children. I have been honest with her and told her I am not interested in any more kids. She says she is fine with that, but sometimes I feel she thinks she will change my mind. Any good advice here would be great. I am 43 and a successful professional. My daughter will be starting college this year.

No, you do NOT have 9 months to figure this out. Do you think you can wake up 8 and a half months from now and decide "nah, this marriage thing isn't for me" without devastating a whole lot of people. Better make up your mind pretty darn quick and then stick with it. Getting cold feet and bailing right before a wedding is just not cool.

Why do you think that she thinks she'll change your mind about kids? If you've been crystal clear on the issue, then there's no reason to think she's not sincere and won't be happy being a wife and stepmom.

[TexianPatriot]

I won't say never. I've learned from the folly of my youth, and repeating mistakes is a sign of masochism and/or foolishness. But I'm committed to doing anything and everything to preserving my first marriage (if/when I get married). Life is about embracing what you've got and finding peace through the only thing that can bring you true happiness.

[Indi9]

I think there is a lot of middle ground between being happily single and desperately seeking to be married again. In my case, I would love to be married again--to the right person. I enjoy my single life, yet I would love to have a partner in life and in love. What is meant to be will be. For me it's definitely not about being out there looking for a partner. More like "flying solo with my heart open," as it is well put in the book Flying Solo. I enjoy my work and my artistic projects, but I am also leaving room for that certain someone to enter in.

[Pandamonium]

Nope, not for me. I think the whole divorce is about property thing is highly over rated.

I like my freedom.