Being Friends with Married Mommy (guy, love, separate, children) - Dating, marriage, boyfriends, girlfriends, men, women, friends, attraction ... - City-Data Forum

ashcody · 07-29-2010, 09:45 AM

First off, I'm 23 yrs. old so I am not married and do not have/nor wish to bear any children. One of my best friends has recently gotten married (a year ago to a guy she knew less than a year) and they have a 1 yr. old daughter together. She also recently called me out on "not liking her anymore because she has a kid" exact words! The truth is...I do not like children and have NO desire to be around them. How does one make this friendship work without saying, honestly I don't want to be around your child? Has anyone else gone through this? She is the only friend of mine who is married and has a child. I feel bad but at the same time, I'm the one who has to travel to see her because I'm childless which is unfair (I always say I should be rewarded for not having children, not punished. Samantha from Sex & the City

) Has anyone gave up on friendship because they felt they were in two completely different worlds?

BigCur · 07-29-2010, 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ashcody

First off, I'm 23 yrs. old so I am not married and do not have/nor wish to bear any children. One of my best friends has recently gotten married (a year ago to a guy she knew less than a year) and they have a 1 yr. old daughter together. She also recently called me out on "not liking her anymore because she has a kid" exact words! The truth is...I do not like children and have NO desire to be around them. How does one make this friendship work without saying, honestly I don't want to be around your child? Has anyone else gone through this? She is the only friend of mine who is married and has a child. I feel bad but at the same time, I'm the one who has to travel to see her because I'm childless which is unfair (I always say I should be rewarded for not having children, not punished. Samantha from Sex & the City

) Has anyone gave up on friendship because they felt they were in two completely different worlds?

You don't, obviously you only have "friends" that do what you want them to.

ashcody · 07-29-2010, 09:54 AM

Ok, it was her choice to get married and the pregnancy was an accident which is what rushed the marriage. I don't have to be sorry for not liking children. They're annoying and disrespectful.

ashcody · 07-29-2010, 09:56 AM

I guess I should of said Anyone who has been in this similar situation? People most likely from 20-30 yrs. of age. My idea of fun is not hanging around a one year old all day...

MissLucky · 07-29-2010, 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ashcody

First off, I'm 23 yrs. old so I am not married and do not have/nor wish to bear any children. One of my best friends has recently gotten married (a year ago to a guy she knew less than a year) and they have a 1 yr. old daughter together. She also recently called me out on "not liking her anymore because she has a kid" exact words! The truth is...I do not like children and have NO desire to be around them. How does one make this friendship work without saying, honestly I don't want to be around your child? Has anyone else gone through this? She is the only friend of mine who is married and has a child. I feel bad but at the same time, I'm the one who has to travel to see her because I'm childless which is unfair (I always say I should be rewarded for not having children, not punished. Samantha from Sex & the City

) Has anyone gave up on friendship because they felt they were in two completely different worlds?

Seems like she already knows though. I suggest that you just leave her alone and concentrate on you other child-free friends. It's only fair for both of you.

ashcody · 07-29-2010, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Seems like she already knows though.

Yes, I think she does. It's not that I don't like her, it's just awkward for me to be around children, I really don't have patience for them and I feel like that would be the center of her attention if we were to get together. But yeah, I figured it was probably time to move on from the friendship--it just sucks.

cricket_factor · 07-29-2010, 10:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ashcody

First off, I'm 23 yrs. old so I am not married and do not have/nor wish to bear any children. One of my best friends has recently gotten married (a year ago to a guy she knew less than a year) and they have a 1 yr. old daughter together. She also recently called me out on "not liking her anymore because she has a kid" exact words! The truth is...I do not like children and have NO desire to be around them. How does one make this friendship work without saying, honestly I don't want to be around your child? Has anyone else gone through this? She is the only friend of mine who is married and has a child. I feel bad but at the same time, I'm the one who has to travel to see her because I'm childless which is unfair (I always say I should be rewarded for not having children, not punished. Samantha from Sex & the City

) Has anyone gave up on friendship because they felt they were in two completely different worlds?

You're going to have to approach this like an adult and realize that your friend is having a baby, is going to have to take care of the baby, and hopefully will love the baby. The baby has no choice in the matter - he/she is on the way!

You might start looking to hang out with other unmarried, childless people who have more in common with you than your married friend does.

I too, had a friend who was married when I wasn't and had children when I didn't. We were in different places in our lives and we went our separate ways. Our lives evolved in different directions.

I think yours will too.

ashcody · 07-29-2010, 10:12 AM

She already had the baby, she's 1 year old now. I have only been to see her once when the child was 6 months old, so she napped most of the time I was there. Now, she will be all over the place I'm sure--I couldn't deal with that. I have 2 nephews who are 2 yrs. and under, and my sister realizes I don't like children/when I've had my fill of being around them, so she understands when I feel the urge to leave. But the friend on the other hand, it is probably best to just let the friendship go, sad but true.

johnrex62 · 07-29-2010, 10:31 AM

If you cannot accept a very important part of her life and something she values greatly, then you cannot really claim to be her friend now, can you? If you can only accept the things YOU value in life, then you were only using her to stroke your ego and satisfy your needs without regard to hers.

I would say the best thing you can do is say goodbye and leave her to get over the lose of a friend she only THOUGHT she had.

thebobs · 07-29-2010, 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ashcody

Ok, it was her choice to get married and the pregnancy was an accident which is what rushed the marriage. I don't have to be sorry for not liking children. They're annoying and disrespectful.

Kids are only annoying and disrespectful if they're not taught to behave. I am assuming you were a kid at one time yourself and I'm assuming you must have, at some point, been annoying and disrespectful. There is no such thing as a perfect child or person.

With that being said, if you don't like kids and don't want to be around them, you'll have to stop being friends with those childless people who eventually have kids. Basically for the most part, you'd be a temporary friend. Just bail and move on to your next friend.