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Old 07-30-2010, 10:30 AM
 
Location: My Private Island
4,941 posts, read 8,310,322 times
Reputation: 12283

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Quote:
Originally Posted by redjenn20679 View Post
I have recently been told that i need to give my man some space. I don't know how to do this ... I love him so much and want to be with him, and miss him terribly when he isn't around. I don't know if he is always truthful with me either, and that hurts. I don't want to lose him, but I feel I have. He doesn't know if he wants to continue with "us" and I am feeling so down. We use to text & talk all the time, and today my phone was so quiet, and I can't stand it. I miss him and think about him all the time.

How do I do this? How do I leave him alone?
This sentence gives me cause to believe he is tired of your insecurity. That is not an attractive trait to have. You will wear a man down with constant monitoring of his every move which can be construed as "love or caring" on your part.

Give him some space. You need to realize you can love him and the world will still keep on spinning. You don't need to encompass your whole being into him otherwise, you will set yourself up for heartbreak.

It's healthy in relationships to have time to one's own interests, friends, etc. Perhaps you should step back and take a look at your relationship. Have you been smothering, accusatory, clingy? If so, give the man and yourself some breathing room. Good luck!
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Old 07-30-2010, 11:26 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 87,997,292 times
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Somebody please pay attention to my question! I kinda have some personal interest in it.
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Old 07-30-2010, 11:35 AM
 
Location: My Private Island
4,941 posts, read 8,310,322 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
All the advice on this thread is great! Sometimes, though, there are exceptions. What if his schedule is absolutely busy, erratic, and unpredictable? I mean, he basically doesn't know what exactly he'll do on any given day and if he'll get off when he's supposed to or not, or even work into the night. If the woman is not more flexible and accommodating, she may not see him for a loooong time. Of course, the roles may very well be reversed. What does one do then...?
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Somebody please pay attention to my question! I kinda have some personal interest in it.
Sorry Sierra...missed it.

This one is tough. However, in this case I feel the woman/man would have to be flexible but not to the point where they are putting their lives on hold waiting for the moment to drop everything and be available the moment they come calling.

It's about balance. Work is important but if it becomes one's life, then it doesn't leave much room for anything or anyone else. I guess you have to decide if they are worth the extra effort it's going to take to get a moment of their time.
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Old 07-30-2010, 11:43 AM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,516 posts, read 19,966,238 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
All the advice on this thread is great! Sometimes, though, there are exceptions. What if his schedule is absolutely busy, erratic, and unpredictable? I mean, he basically doesn't know what exactly he'll do on any given day and if he'll get off when he's supposed to or not, or even work into the night. If the woman is not more flexible and accommodating, she may not see him for a loooong time. Of course, the roles may very well be reversed. What does one do then...?
Just because one is accommodating doesn't necessarily make them clingy or smothering so you can do that sometimes and not appear to be at their beck and call. Other factors also determine whether you're available for them because you're good at juggling your schedule and can or that you make them your only life. It will be apparent.
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Old 07-30-2010, 11:57 AM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 87,997,292 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seeniorita View Post
Sorry Sierra...missed it.

This one is tough. However, in this case I feel the woman/man would have to be flexible but not to the point where they are putting their lives on hold waiting for the moment to drop everything and be available the moment they come calling.

It's about balance. Work is important but if it becomes one's life, then it doesn't leave much room for anything or anyone else. I guess you have to decide if they are worth the extra effort it's going to take to get a moment of their time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Whyte Byrd View Post
Just because one is accommodating doesn't necessarily make them clingy or smothering so you can do that sometimes and not appear to be at their beck and call. Other factors also determine whether you're available for them because you're good at juggling your schedule and can or that you make them your only life. It will be apparent.
Thank you, gals! Yeah, it's a fine line... I have a very hard time with this. I like having firm plans (most of the time) and looking forward to them. Plans going to hell put me in a pretty bad mood, too...
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Old 07-30-2010, 12:04 PM
 
Location: My Private Island
4,941 posts, read 8,310,322 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Thank you, gals! Yeah, it's a fine line... I have a very hard time with this. I like having firm plans (most of the time) and looking forward to them. Plans going to hell put me in a pretty bad mood, too...
Well, we all know how plans tend to go. I think in this situation spontaneity will be more appropriate. Can you live la vida loca on the fly chicka?
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Old 07-30-2010, 12:17 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 87,997,292 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by seeniorita View Post
Can you live la vida loca on the fly chicka?
I have a really hard time with this concept in general (Capricorn), but where I moved to live now makes it really yucky! I used to live right by work and could go home, rest, snack, take a shower, whatever, and go somewhere. Now, once I get to my "village," that's it! And I don't always feel like killing a few hours after I get off from work. What I hate the most, though, is plans going to hell. Well, right after lack of overlapping weekends, I guess! It's like a textbook definition of a vampire booty call - almost no daylight! There's certainly no danger of doing a whole lot together!
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Old 07-30-2010, 12:18 PM
 
Location: Hawaii
1,589 posts, read 2,676,654 times
Reputation: 2157
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
All the advice on this thread is great! Sometimes, though, there are exceptions. What if his schedule is absolutely busy, erratic, and unpredictable? I mean, he basically doesn't know what exactly he'll do on any given day and if he'll get off when he's supposed to or not, or even work into the night. If the woman is not more flexible and accommodating, she may not see him for a loooong time. Of course, the roles may very well be reversed. What does one do then...?
SierraAZ -- I think a woman can be flexible if she chooses to but ultimately I feel that this is the man's problem to solve. If he's crazy about a woman and wants to see her, he'll figure out a way.

However, if a man told me he needed space, I would give him all the space he wants and then some. I would not be as willing to be accommodating.
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Old 07-30-2010, 12:28 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,831 posts, read 87,997,292 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by boodhabunny View Post
SierraAZ -- I think a woman can be flexible if she chooses to but ultimately I feel that this is the man's problem to solve. If he's crazy about a woman and wants to see her, he'll figure out a way.
I generally agree, Bunny, and he would come, but it's not a good idea to establish a pattern of only being in each other's places at the beginning... I'm talking about a job where things can go array at any given minute and he has no control over it.
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Old 07-30-2010, 12:33 PM
 
Location: My Private Island
4,941 posts, read 8,310,322 times
Reputation: 12283
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
It's like a textbook definition of a vampire booty call - almost no daylight! There's certainly no danger of doing a whole lot together!

Um....you can get real freaky in a coffin! ...not that I've tried that.

How often are you looking to get together? If it's just once a week or something, perhaps you can kill a few hours after work. I know how it is when you get home, it's hard to get back out into the mix. However, Red Bull may help that.
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