How do you stop the smothering and step back? (guys, friends, feelings)
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Seriously, too much of a good thing. If you make it too easy for him he will in fact lose interest. Men appreciate a challenge, and if they can just steamroll right over you they'll not only lose interest but respect as well. You are setting yourself up to be taken for granted.
I disagree with this. It may be true for some men, but I doubt men who are in long-term relationships are looking for a challenge of finding time with their partner.
However, people need time to themselves too. Always being around, always sending texts, calling on the phone and such can be overwhelming for some people who just want to do their own thing from time to time. Being in a relationship doesn't mean that you have to be in constant contact with each other. Doing so makes it seem like there's either a lack of trust or a plethora of boredom.
My suggestion, as others have, is find a hobby. You may not have had one before, but now is a good time to pick one up. Play a sport, play an instrument, draw/paint, read/write books, maybe start a garden, spend more time at the gym, go hiking, become a movie buff, play video games, and the list can go on and on indefinitely. There's so much to do other than spending every waking moment thinking about your partner.
Remember that everything is good in moderation. Time together with a partner is great, but time apart is just as good for the relationship.
It's normal to miss someone intensely when you are used to a lot of interaction with them. You would feel the same way if your best friend went on vacation somewhere without cell coverage.
You suddenly have a lot of free time you don't know what to do with and a lot of connection you are used to having that is gone. So don't be down on yourself.
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I don't know if he is always truthful with me either, and that hurts.
I assume he has given you reason to question his honesty?
That makes it more difficult to be apart, for sure. But it also means you should be using this time to ask yourself if you really want to be with a guy who apparently lies to you. It doesn't have to be only him, taking this time to reassess the relationship.
he said ur always around, u smoother me, clingy, needy, blah blah...six months later we are still together (&still living together) but now I am not allowed to call/text bother him while he's at work all day and when he goes out I'm also not allowed to contact him.he says I told u where I was going I don't need u calling me checking up on me like a child. When I did call when he was out the other nite at a work related event ( he doesn't go out really often ) he flipped out like I already told u where I was going u don't need to b up my ass cAlling me and texting me (I only called once)u said u were going to stop that kinda ****.
How often do you see his co-workers and go out with them? If never, this means he is acting 'single' when he is out. The flipping out when you call once is a strong sign.
They all know me and I have been with them on most occasions ....but he gets annoyed when I want to come everytime but I guess thats understandable because I'm up his ass a lil lol.he says there is going to b tyms we can't always go out as a couple. We need to do our own thing too....
Some people do need time alone and space to breath. I know, I do. This is especially true for introverts. It might help for you to read a little bit about introversion.
That said, I agree with the below too and you should keep your eye out for this. If he starts needing more and more time away from you or becoming more distant, even after you stop texting/calling him while he's out, then he might be on his way out.
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Originally Posted by Special_Guest
I was JUST coming in here to say this! I'm amazed myself. Everyone is giving advice to this lady on how to "fix" the relationship; the relationship may very well be drawing to a close. Sometimes some get anxious and "clingy" when the signs start appearing that the relationship is ending. But "needing some space", decreased calls/texts and being "not sure he wants us" are good signs he is looking to bail.
It wasn't ao much of a party it was more so work related. ...its not like I'm not around his ass 98% of the time.I can bw honest and say yes I'm up his ass a lil too much ar times lol
I am a person who needs a ton of alone space, and I pick partners who are the same.
That said, isn't going to work social functions without your partner pretty weird behaviour?
I mean, I would do it if he was busy, but I am a very weird person. I wouldn't do it just to get space. I get my alone time at other times.
I'm only slightly introverted so I don't need all that much alone time. Now that I think about, it really depends on the personality of my partner how much alone time I will need. If they have a draining personality or we have draining interactions, then I will need more alone time. I think most compatible couples quickly reach a point where they can be comfortable and quiet around each other, with focus some place else, even though they are in the same room or right next to each other. There really should not be that much of a need to "get away" unless you are draining each other, which is bad.
Its not just the being around each other is the fact he's trying to get at is when he's not around me its like he's still feeling smoothered because I'm still calling or texting not just leaving him alone.
He's a bit independent and can enjoy time by his self...
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