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Old 07-29-2010, 07:33 PM
 
2 posts, read 26,456 times
Reputation: 12

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I have recently been told that i need to give my man some space. I don't know how to do this ... I love him so much and want to be with him, and miss him terribly when he isn't around. I don't know if he is always truthful with me either, and that hurts. I don't want to lose him, but I feel I have. He doesn't know if he wants to continue with "us" and I am feeling so down. We use to text & talk all the time, and today my phone was so quiet, and I can't stand it. I miss him and think about him all the time.

How do I do this? How do I leave him alone?
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Old 07-29-2010, 07:47 PM
Status: "The whole world is a stage..." (set 8 days ago)
 
Location: Back in the gym...Yo Adrian!
8,873 posts, read 11,137,979 times
Reputation: 16408
Get a dog?

Seriously, too much of a good thing. If you make it too easy for him he will in fact lose interest. Men appreciate a challenge, and if they can just steamroll right over you they'll not only lose interest but respect as well. You are setting yourself up to be taken for granted.
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Old 07-29-2010, 07:53 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,510 posts, read 11,939,253 times
Reputation: 9105
Get too busy for him; volunteer work, hobbies, become more interesting to him by being interested in more than just him. Keep him guessing a little, be a little elusive from time to time. Flirt with him. Smile at him for no reason....I could go on and on....
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Old 07-29-2010, 07:54 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
44,880 posts, read 56,395,569 times
Reputation: 37999
Quote:
Originally Posted by redjenn20679 View Post
I have recently been told that i need to give my man some space. I don't know how to do this ... I love him so much and want to be with him, and miss him terribly when he isn't around. I don't know if he is always truthful with me either, and that hurts. I don't want to lose him, but I feel I have. He doesn't know if he wants to continue with "us" and I am feeling so down. We use to text & talk all the time, and today my phone was so quiet, and I can't stand it. I miss him and think about him all the time.

How do I do this? How do I leave him alone?
You'd better get a grip quickly or you will lose this man. And he would be smart to go.

You are letting your insecurities (personal and about his love for you) ruin your relationship. Clingy and needy is NOT attractive to emotionally healthy people.

You just have to make the choice to back off and live your own life. Find a new hobby, volunteer, concentrate on your family or friends - whatever it takes to make you a whole person capable of standing alone.

And spend some time working on your self esteem. It may be too late for this relationship, but if you ever want to have a successful one you will eventually HAVE to do this. Best of luck.
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Old 07-29-2010, 08:00 PM
 
9,700 posts, read 6,982,687 times
Reputation: 6002
get a life, make room for him in it. not make him your life
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Old 07-29-2010, 08:01 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,510 posts, read 11,939,253 times
Reputation: 9105
Btw, the things I suggested...they have a way of leading to other things like real interests, a newfound love of things other than 'him', love of life in general, self-esteem boost, desire to live even more...etc.
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Old 07-29-2010, 08:09 PM
 
Location: Broken Promise Land
301 posts, read 397,152 times
Reputation: 475
First, go buy "Why Men Love *******". It's a great book and fun to read.

Second, stop looking at your phone, stop checking his facebook page, etc. Call up a girlfriend and go have dinner. Like one of the other posters said, get too busy for him. Now is when you make him miss you. Supposedly in any partnership especially early on, there will come a time when one partner isn't so sure about the other and they need to take some time away to figure things out. How you react during this time will actually determine if he comes back to you. Be independent, strong, and smile even if it hurts.

And please do NOT call him or text him.

Good luck. I hope it works out for you.
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Old 07-29-2010, 08:10 PM
 
2 posts, read 26,456 times
Reputation: 12
Thank you all ... now I just have to figure out where to start ...

I appreciate everything you all have said ... they are things that I have thought about, but just don't know how to start them. I never really had any hobbies growing up, I never played sports, so I really don't know where to start.

I don't want to lose him, but am afraid that I already have. I don't want to give up the fight for him either. I want him to give me a chance to show him that I can have a life other than him and not smother him, and still be confident. That will be the big issue for me ... I do have insecurities, and you would think that after losing 65lbs and maintaining a good weight, I wouldn't be anymore, however I still am insecure. I guess there are more deeper issues than the weight.

Thank you again everyone!!
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Old 07-29-2010, 08:29 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,510 posts, read 11,939,253 times
Reputation: 9105
Quote:
Originally Posted by Toxiclove View Post
First, go buy "Why Men Love *******". It's a great book and fun to read.

Second, stop looking at your phone, stop checking his facebook page, etc. Call up a girlfriend and go have dinner. Like one of the other posters said, get too busy for him. Now is when you make him miss you. Supposedly in any partnership especially early on, there will come a time when one partner isn't so sure about the other and they need to take some time away to figure things out. How you react during this time will actually determine if he comes back to you. Be independent, strong, and smile even if it hurts.

And please do NOT call him or text him.

Good luck. I hope it works out for you.
Know your man first. Most men in my circle can't stand the ***** type, just like some women don't like so-called bad boys. Me, for one.
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Old 07-29-2010, 10:18 PM
 
Location: Outside always.
1,517 posts, read 1,280,227 times
Reputation: 1533
You have to make an effort to have interests besides your SO. If you don't you will lose him for good. He is not a possesion; he is a free person, and you are making him feel trapped. No one, man or woman, wants to feel that they are being smothered. Get busy and find a life of your own. Then, you will let go, and hopefully, he will find you more interesting. If he doesn't, the new life you have made for yourself will enable you to move on.
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