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View Poll Results: Marriage Counseling or Not?
Yes Ron.....I did get counseling now I'm divorced! 3 5.88%
No Ron.....I did not get counseling, now I want out. 3 5.88%
Yes Ron, I did get counseling. 15 29.41%
No Ron, I did not get counseling 19 37.25%
Ron, why are you so damn nosey? Shouldn't you be looking for a job? I thought you got fired?! 5 9.80%
Why are you concerned about my marriege Ron? 3 5.88%
Ron, you need to stop with all of these silly little threads! 3 5.88%
Voters: 51. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 08-03-2010, 10:19 AM
 
Location: The OC
44 posts, read 62,070 times
Reputation: 47

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I didnt get counseling before I got married, but going through counseling now that the marriage is over.
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Old 08-03-2010, 11:29 AM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
4,489 posts, read 9,283,779 times
Reputation: 3648
We went through "counseling". It wasn't with a therapist or anything, but our church paired us up with a mentor couple who they thought exemplified what a good marriage looked like, and we met with them a couple times for dinner and talk through things. It was really awesome.

We each had to take the same multiple choice test, separately. Then we compared answers with our mentor couple present, figuring out where our values/beliefs weren't on the same page. We discussed with the couple how they worked through the same sorts of issues.

It was a great way to ask some questions we hadn't thought of, or to get an outside opinion on the ones we had. Most of it we had already discussed, but it never hurts to bring it up again.
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Old 08-04-2010, 05:36 AM
 
Location: Oxford, England
13,036 posts, read 21,513,339 times
Reputation: 19858
I lived with now Hubby for 21 years before we got married last year so counselling would have been a little redundant !
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Old 08-04-2010, 06:00 AM
 
Location: Sudcaroland
10,664 posts, read 7,703,785 times
Reputation: 31964
No counseling here!
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Old 08-08-2010, 06:25 PM
 
Location: Denver
1,082 posts, read 4,212,562 times
Reputation: 530
We had the usual required religious counseling from a strict religion altho neither of us is strict, his family was (Jewish). I converted and do not regret that, we have been married since 1981. We also had marital counseling several times thru the years and I have had individual counseling. My advice: get counseling before you start serious dating, and keep at it until you learn to recognize behavior that is bad for you and you don't want to be around. I was ready to leave 9 years ago but then we had college tuition and we are both counting the final payments. Our kids like us married but it's not really good for them either.

I think lifelong marriage is an unrealistic expecatation in a culture with the constant rapid change. Maybe some things are nice about the stabiity but in our case, we are both exhausted by the effort of keeping it together. I just want to be away from him all the time, which is pretty impossible given our particular family circumstances. If you have doubts and think you need counseling now then you should turn around and run. Counseling does NOT resolve doubts for people. You can only do that yourself. Counseling does NOT change people's behavior in any way. It only provides a forum for discussion, and if a couple needs that they are not compatible over the long haul. EVen the best therapists will throw in the towel on a long term lousy relationship.

By the way I found your question when I did a post search for "marriage".
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Old 08-08-2010, 09:21 PM
 
Location: Colorado
18,717 posts, read 4,702,479 times
Reputation: 5325
No counseling, married 40 years.
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Old 11-30-2010, 12:14 PM
 
Location: Grosse Ile Michigan
24,717 posts, read 59,563,864 times
Reputation: 26822
We created our own form of counseling. We took a ten day driving trip accross the USA in a Mazda RX7, with just her, me and my cockatoo. If you still want ot get married after that, then you know it is a good match.


Personally I think that you ahve a one in fifty five chance of getting a decent counseler who will provide benefit rather than being useless or worse. I do nto have a lot of faith in psychologists or marriage counselers. There are a few who actually know what theya re doing, but most of them cannot even understand their own relationships, let alone tell others how to proceed based on a few minutes of discussion once a month.
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Old 11-30-2010, 12:54 PM
 
851 posts, read 3,151,231 times
Reputation: 449
After you get counseling and you still want to get married, you need to quit using the counseling and go to a hospital immediately!
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Old 12-01-2010, 07:29 AM
 
1 posts, read 490 times
Reputation: 10
Default Divorce Advice

Do You Need A Divorce Advice Online?
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Old 12-01-2010, 08:30 AM
 
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,077 posts, read 12,703,549 times
Reputation: 3713
I used to be married, never did the counseling. I do not believe it would have helped save the marriage if we had gone. I don't think counseling can prepare you for growing up, changing your likes and your dislikes and your beliefs. Counseling can't help mature people or face the issues they face as they mature. I think that pre-marital counseling is fine if you want to to go but I wouldn't expect it'd save a marriage.

I think moreso that people should be advised about marrying too young, getting into certain relationship issues, what to avoid, what to do in real life situations. Along the lines of a life coach.
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