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Maybe it's just me then, but I usually refrain from talking about kids in a bar. I judt don't think it's the right atmosphere for such conversation after only meeting 5 minutes ago.
Here's how it would go:
"Sure! I'd love to down this shot - did I mention I have a 4 year old?"
I mean, seriously??
Oh, I wasn't aware the plot was taking place in a bar. OK, I agree then.
Seriously... I don't get it, either... Most people would say things as "my husband/BF and I did something/went somewhere" or "my son/daughter and I did whatever"... These are things that normally come up within 5 minutes of a conversation, unless one tries to hide them intentionally.
Like, hey girlfriend how long since you have been blessed with listening to a bar scene conversation among 20 something college students? For real, huh.
Ok, even that shows my age. I was an older college student, yep I hung out at the local college bar when I had a few min. I never talked about my kids. Conversations were mostly about drinking, classes, professors, politics, grades, parties. Actually, thats where I met my ex. I dont think I mentioned my kids until we had a couple official dates. In hind sight, I wish he would have run for the hills.
You know, I'm one of the most private people you'd meet, and yet when I was married I thought it'd be perfectly normal to say "my husband and I" did something when I didn't do it alone. There's usually nothing "intimate" about such everyday expressions even though the first clue I gave in the office about getting a divorce was mentioning I am going on vacation, so I can sort of see your point, too. The bottom line is I most definitely know how to avoid things and dodge questions, so I also know that's done deliberately!
It's different. I'm assuming your not trying to meet anyone or find a partner if your talking about your husband? Your way off, please stop.
Any suggestions? I just met this guy; we've hung out a couple of times and seem to have hit it off. As it progresses, when is the right time to tell him I have a 4 year old? I'm not looking for a dad for my son - he already has one but I'm nervous that it will scare him off... Thoughts?
Stupid, stupid, and stupid. Why in the hell didn't you tell him about this already?? Are you ashamed that you have a child?? If yes, then here's a 4th stupid for you.
Like, hey girlfriend how long since you have been blessed with listening to a bar scene conversation among 20 something college students? For real, huh.
Oh, I've actually never been "blessed" with that. I don't feel like going back, but my impression was they'd met a few times already. Didn't think it was just a one-time encounter in a bar.
I should have phrased it better - he doesn't have a child - just me. And I truly believe that waiting is the right thing. No guy or girl wants to recieve the baggage talk after only spending a few hours with someone. That's just ignorant.
So you call your child a baggage??
WRONG. You only wait to tell someone when you have something like a lifelong STD, not a child.
It's different. I'm assuming your not trying to meet anyone or find a partner if your talking about your husband? Your way off, please stop.
No, it isn't. Most mention the most important people in their lives unless they want to hide them for one reason or another. If you feel you have to hide your child in order to get male attention, it's your choice, but it's a pathetic one.
Any suggestions? I just met this guy; we've hung out a couple of times and seem to have hit it off. As it progresses, when is the right time to tell him I have a 4 year old? I'm not looking for a dad for my son - he already has one but I'm nervous that it will scare him off... Thoughts?
You might be confusing two issues. The time to tell someone you have a child, is when you first meet and get to know one another. Did you tell him you have a dog? Did you tell him, you are a student? Having a son, falls into all the fun facts about you. Get that out in the open, as soon as possible.
The other issue is, finding the best time, to have him meet your child. You don't want your child to have various "uncles" coming in and out of his life. The time to have him meet your child, is when you feel confident that this will be a stable relationship.
Stupid, stupid, and stupid. Why in the hell didn't you tell him about this already?? Are you ashamed that you have a child?? If yes, then here's a 4th stupid for you.
I would suggest reading the entire thread before throwing "stupids" out there.
You might be confusing two issues. The time to tell someone you have a child, is when you first meet and get to know one another. Did you tell him you have a dog? Did you tell him, you are a student? Having a son, falls into all the fun facts about you. Get that out in the open, as soon as possible.
The other issue is, finding the best time, to have him meet your child. You don't want your child to have various "uncles" coming in and out of his life. The time to have him meet your child, is when you feel confident that this will be a stable relationship.
Good luck.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ
No, it isn't. Most mention the most important people in their lives unless they want to hide them for one reason or another. If you feel you have to hide your child in order to get male attention, it's your choice, but it's a pathetic one.
The two times we've met up, have been at bars. I'm not sure what kind of bars are in your area, but here in OK they are loud especially when you have 5 other people added to the mix. So no, he doesn't know I have a dog etc. That's the whole point of tomorrow night - for us to deepen the conversation a little bit. I mean, we're not dating or anything yet. We're still getting to know each other.
And to AZ - I'm not hiding anything. It's my choice to disclose my personal information if need be. Like I said before, I think talking about kids and ex husbands/wives, crazy exes, fetishes etc. are not bar conversation material. I consider that white trash... And that's my humble opinion. You see things differently and that is great for you - but not neccessarily for me. Sorry!
And BTW - he will not be meeting my child for a long time. I also think that letting your kids meet every guy you date justifies as white trash. My son doesn't need a father - he's already got one and that point will be made as well.
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