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Thanks, but I find your comment about "hooking up" offensive. I'm not looking to "hook up." I just got out of a serious relationship and I want to start dating again - and by dating I don't mean sex.
Why anyone as busy as you must be - a young child, college, probably at least a part-time job - wants to waste time dating is beyond me. You should have other priorities right now.
But if you are determined to do so at least be upfront with guys from the very beginning that you have a child. Doing so will keep you from wasting time - something you can't have much of already.
Any suggestions? I just met this guy; we've hung out a couple of times and seem to have hit it off. As it progresses, when is the right time to tell him I have a 4 year old? I'm not looking for a dad for my son - he already has one but I'm nervous that it will scare him off... Thoughts?
Dont wait too long. If you feel like this is someone you could be serious about (and it seems like he is) go ahead and tell him. Either he will accept it or he wont.
Why anyone as busy as you must be - a young child, college, probably at least a part-time job - wants to waste time dating is beyond me. You should have other priorities right now.
But if you are determined to do so at least be upfront with guys from the very beginning that you have a child. Doing so will keep you from wasting time - something you can't have much of already.
I have a pretty good life - I work FT, go to school PT and have shared custody with my ex for my son. One week on, one week off. It does seem like I don't have much free time, but I manage it pretty well. And, the funny thing is, I wasn't looking for anyone - my friend and I were out having a few drinks a couple of weeks ago and he was sitting right next to us. Towards bar closing time, he asked for my number and that was it. I went on vacation for a week, came back and I met him out again. I wasn't looking to date anyone, but isn't that usually how it goes? You find someone when you aren't looking?
I have a pretty good life - I work FT, go to school PT and have shared custody with my ex for my son. One week on, one week off. It does seem like I don't have much free time, but I manage it pretty well. And, the funny thing is, I wasn't looking for anyone - my friend and I were out having a few drinks a couple of weeks ago and he was sitting right next to us. Towards bar closing time, he asked for my number and that was it. I went on vacation for a week, came back and I met him out again. I wasn't looking to date anyone, but isn't that usually how it goes? You find someone when you aren't looking?
Very true - the best relationships can come to you when you aren't trying so hard to find them
Look, you are young and still figuring life out - I get that. But focus on being a mom - think of everything thru that filter. If you do, you'll make fewer bad choices and waste less time, your own and the guys you meet.
Why anyone as busy as you must be - a young child, college, probably at least a part-time job - wants to waste time dating is beyond me. You should have other priorities right now.
At 23, Im sure she has enough energy to pursue a balanced life. Just because she is busy and has priorities dosent mean she dont have other needs. I dont know that a little romance is a waste of time.
I can barley remember (many moons ago) when I was a single mother in college and working part time. I kept food on the table, a roof over our heads, stayed on the honor roll and still managed to get in a little dating.
Disclosing that you hav a child should have taken place during the first date. It's a crucial "getting to know you" piece of the puzzle. Your child is a part of you, and if you can share where you work, what your major is in school, and your life's goals with someone, then finding a way to slip your child into the conversation shouldn't be all that challenging.
I find most people who prefer to wait, often think they will scare the prospect off if they share that they have a child too soon. They want to win the person over feeling optimistic that once they've had a chance to charm their way into the person's life that dropping the news of having a child on them will be no big deal. For some people that is a big deal, and it should be disclosed sooner rather than later.
Any suggestions? I just met this guy; we've hung out a couple of times and seem to have hit it off. As it progresses, when is the right time to tell him I have a 4 year old? I'm not looking for a dad for my son - he already has one but I'm nervous that it will scare him off... Thoughts?
I am surprised by the fact that you have spent time with this guy and not mentioned something in passing. Most mothers cannot carry on a conversation for more than three minutes without mentioning their sproggen.
Anyway, if you are older than 25 I would think that he probably assumes there is a child somewhere, since most women do have that misfortune. Next time you are talking, I would casually mention it...."Hey, did I tell you about my son, Bratley? I could have sworn I did, but it must have slipped my mind". Making a big deal about it will only shoot off those red flags and make him think that you hid the information on purpose (which would have been understandable).
Now then, if you're 19, it's going to be a little harder to explain a 4 year old, and most younger guys do not want to start their lives out with a pre-formed family belonging to another father.
I just wanted to be clear on one thing - I am an excellent mother. My son loves and trust me and I do everything I can to provide him with everything he needs and wants. I do not take motherhood lightly - I juat have a different set-up than most single mothers. I am very lucky that my ex is great dad and is always there to help and vice versa. While our marriage failed, our parenting did not. When I started this thread, I had no idea I was going to get slammed for asking a question. So, please, if you have a snide remark keep it to yourself b/c I will report it for harrassment reasons.
[quote=proudvoterofObama;15298668]I should have phrased it better - he doesn't have a child - just me. And I truly believe that waiting is the right thing. No guy or girl wants to recieve the baggage talk after only spending a few hours with someone. That's just ignorant.[/quote
What baggage talk? I have a 4 year old is baggage talk. That is all you had to tell him. You should have told him that right away. Its ignorant NOT to tell someone you have a child. If I was him I'd be pretty upset that you kept this from me for so long.
At 23, Im sure she has enough energy to pursue a balanced life. Just because she is busy and has priorities dosent mean she dont have other needs. I dont know that a little romance is a waste of time.
I can barley remember (many moons ago) when I was a single mother in college and working part time. I kept food on the table, a roof over our heads, stayed on the honor roll and still managed to get in a little dating.
I'm sure a very disciplined mother could work it all out - most just aren't that organized or disciplined I'm afraid. Dating should not be given the same priority as her primary responsibilities.
After all, there are only so many hours in a day and with a child, work and college she's already stretched pretty thin. I was just encouraging her to save herself some time by being upfront with guys from the very beginning.
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