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I"m older but I can't imagine not telling someone something like that. It reeks of the book Flowers in the Attic if you don't. The book was about a woman with 4 children who wanted to hide them so she could date and find a wealthy husband but the trouble is she hid them from her parents too--in their attic!
Your children are you and if a man can't handle you with family, then he won't be around for the tough stuff either and for a man who's serious, it's a good way to figure out ahead of time what kind of parenting skills you have. If you hide the fact at first that you have children, what message does that send? If the man switches to ONS mode, you don't have to go along with it--believe me there are many other reasons besides children that they might do so (try dating when you have breast cancer!)
I"m older but I can't imagine not telling someone something like that. It reeks of the book Flowers in the Attic if you don't. The book was about a woman with 4 children who wanted to hide them so she could date and find a wealthy husband but the trouble is she hid them from her parents too--in their attic!
Your children are you and if a man can't handle you with family, then he won't be around for the tough stuff either and for a man who's serious, it's a good way to figure out ahead of time what kind of parenting skills you have. If you hide the fact at first that you have children, what message does that send? If the man switches to ONS mode, you don't have to go along with it--believe me there are many other reasons besides children that they might do so (try dating when you have breast cancer!)
I wholeheartedly AGREE!!! A man put this on me once. Several months in I found out and dumb the jerk. I don't mind him having kid. I mind the fact that he manipulates me by keeping it from me. I went in the relationship thinking it was only him and I. He thought by doing that, I wouldn't leave him after we are in love already. And he had the nerve to tell me that if I have known earlier, I would dumb him. I felt disgusted with the guy.
If he could keep this away from me to get what he wants, what else would he try this on????
I expect the guy to come clean on the first few dates....preferable the 2nd or 3rd, if he finds it hard to say it on the first date.
I think if you have kids, you need to be upfront about it on the first date.
I'm child free - don't have kids, don't want kids, not interested in dating anyone with kids. Have surgically ensured I will not have kids. And I'm pretty open and upfront about this.
I dated a guy a few years ago who didn't tell me he had kids until the 4th date. And he had primary custody!!!
When I asked him why he hadn't told me about them earlier he said "Well, I was interested in you and you don't want kids. I thought I'd see if you'd change your mind if you fell for me before you knew about them."
I think if you have kids, you need to be upfront about it on the first date.
I'm child free - don't have kids, don't want kids, not interested in dating anyone with kids. Have surgically ensured I will not have kids. And I'm pretty open and upfront about this.
I dated a guy a few years ago who didn't tell me he had kids until the 4th date. And he had primary custody!!!
When I asked him why he hadn't told me about them earlier he said "Well, I was interested in you and you don't want kids. I thought I'd see if you'd change your mind if you fell for me before you knew about them."
I agree.
People rarely change their minds about whether or not they want kids. I think they change their minds while growing up and then after college, their decisions pretty much set in stone, right?
If I were online dating with children, I would put it in my profile. There are people who are absolutely not interested in dating parents, and were I in that position, I wouldn't want to waste any time going down a go-nowhere road with those people. I assume anybody I met offline who asked me out would know enough about me to know if I were a parent.
If I were potentially going to be dating somebody who absolutely didn't want kids, I would want to know that as early on as possible, as well. It doesn't match with my wants, so why waste the time? I was already in a five-year long relationship with somebody who kept it to himself for years that he didn't want kids, and even pretended he DID want kids. No, thanks. Honesty up front is a good thing, esp. when it affects major life decisions.
Be honest upfront. I do not date men with kids so I ask upfront. I would be mad if I found out. There are many people like me and you wouldn't want to date someone who feels strongly like me.
I can only speak for myself but before I ever even had coffee with someone, I'd find out how many kids they have. If the answer is more than "none," there will not be a first date. Beyond initial attraction, being childfree is my number0one requirement in a date/partner.
There is a mindset among people with children that is fundamentally incompatible with me. I have no interest in children, of any kind. Zero interest.
So yeah, for me, hiding their reproductive status would be the nuclear holocaust of lying by omission.
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