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Old 08-07-2010, 01:51 AM
 
Location: west palm beach area
8 posts, read 9,336 times
Reputation: 19

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I am a new mom and have been married for 3 years and now
separated for 4 months now. My husband was a different person
whom I fell in love with and once married he showed his true colors:
his machismo, obsessive control, alcoholism, heated violent arguments
with baby present...He told me he would finally do counseling but then
says he has no money and does not hold me priority in his life. He is a good person but slowly killed my love. I feel stuck unable to move on;
feeling like the situation may never improve even though he doesn't want
to be separated but its best for baby and I to be in a constant positive environment. I want to have a life again but am hesitant since my heart may be falling for a guy friend even though my mind holds me back. I would like to know what you all perceive: is it morally okay to go on outings with this friend I am having feelings for while being separated?
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Old 08-07-2010, 02:33 AM
 
507 posts, read 491,395 times
Reputation: 254
In a word, Yes, it is cheating.
Unless you are a complete idiot and he is a MASTER con-man he showed his "true colors" long before you were married and you choose to ignore them.

Anything started wrong usually ends the same way.
Lay off the blather and divorce first if you must , likely on your way to a repeat performance, if you don't learn one simple thing.

It's never about the "other' , its about why,REALLY why YOU chose him.
No "i loved him" allowed, you need to understand your needs, not his deeds.
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Old 08-07-2010, 03:12 AM
 
9,726 posts, read 7,070,333 times
Reputation: 6045
if you are separated, you are moving on with your life. if you have no intention of getting back with your husband and living apart I think you should move on with your life. your husband sounds like someone you should stay clear of
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Old 08-07-2010, 08:22 AM
 
Location: ATL with a side of Chicago
3,625 posts, read 2,952,013 times
Reputation: 3825
If you're going to divorce him, and since there's a child involved, and I'm assuming you'll be wanting physical custody, I would hold off on seeing anyone until the divorce process is final. You don't want to give your soon-to-be-ex ANYTHING to hold against you - like adultery. That was the advice given to me by my attorney when I was going through my divorce.
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Old 08-07-2010, 08:27 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
22,296 posts, read 17,026,488 times
Reputation: 11741
Only if you end up back together like my husband and I did. The reconciliation would have been much easier if he had not been dating someone else while we were separated.
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Old 08-07-2010, 08:29 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
22,296 posts, read 17,026,488 times
Reputation: 11741
Quote:
Originally Posted by Neemy14 View Post
If you're going to divorce him, and since there's a child involved, and I'm assuming you'll be wanting physical custody, I would hold off on seeing anyone until the divorce process is final. You don't want to give your soon-to-be-ex ANYTHING to hold against you - like adultery. That was the advice given to me by my attorney when I was going through my divorce.
Very good advice. When my husband and I were separated, my lawyer also advised I not date, not that I had any intention of doing so. Courts look down on mothers who sleep around and they'll assume that's what she's doing.
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Old 08-07-2010, 08:51 AM
 
Location: DFW - Coppell / Las Colinas
18,713 posts, read 17,465,963 times
Reputation: 17858
It's amazing the people who jump from a bad divorce right into another relationship. Take the time to live independently, to mature as an adult and get to know who you really are. If you can live successfully independent without a man, you'll be stronger when you meet another jerk knowing you don't need a guy like that in your life. When you achieve that level of confidence you'll make a better choice in picking a new SO.

Take a few years to make yourself and the baby your priority before you get serious. Your kid doesn't need a parade of men in their life.
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Old 08-07-2010, 10:02 AM
Status: "Life gives you what you need to awaken" (set 13 hours ago)
 
8,755 posts, read 6,035,651 times
Reputation: 18352
While you have brought up the question about cheating I think that is the least of your worries at the moment.

You got into a bad marriage and it appears there were more issues with this man than 'just an alcoholic'. He was abusive etc. Even worse was the fact you had a child with him. You need to take a break from men and concentrate on changing some aspects of yourself that attract the wrong type of man. Some counseling may help you improve your decision-making skills.

It's hard enough separating with a child in tow, trying to get by, negotiating visiting rights and getting a divorce underway. You don't need to be out dating right now.

Get your emotions in check before you make another major mistake. Take a step backwards, regroup, get yourself strong, then maybe in a couple of years when your life is back together you can think about another relationship.
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Old 08-07-2010, 10:21 AM
 
Location: Ohio
751 posts, read 919,464 times
Reputation: 592
I would consider it cheating even though you're seperated.
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Old 08-07-2010, 10:45 AM
Status: "My ride is here" (set 11 days ago)
 
Location: The Plains
6,067 posts, read 5,250,147 times
Reputation: 4284
He is either a good person or a bad person you have to choose.
"his machismo, obsessive control, alcoholism, heated violent arguments"
No one gets separated and divorced from a good person. The "new mom" part got my attention. You are now a single mom and that should be the focus of your attention and not boys.
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