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As long as the person were doing such a check as a precautionary measure, I have no problem. If the person were some sort of fortune hunter scoping me out as a potential mark it would be another story.
The best criminals are the ones who you'd never suspect. Look at Madoff and Bundy. They hurt real people, people like you and me. I would think a person would be smart to do such a check. Not that you'd have found much on Madoff, and Bundy probably would not have given his correct name - but didn't he take most victims on the initial contact?
As was mentioned, most of us are not in Mayberry, U.S.A. All this internet dating is really an opportunity for nasty people. I think I would respect someone for making the effort.
I don't think that's right. People have a right to their privacy. I understand you don't want to date Charles Manson types but if you are meeting in public places ,keeping your home/work places to yourself, then what's the need for the background check? You are casually dating. You are not moving in together or getting married. If she's worth it, get over it but me personally.........I wouldn't go for that. To me it shows she is oversteping her boundaries and will probably be the type of chick to go through your phone or do other things, and it's not cool.
I knew this girl who mentioned she did a background check when she was casually dating this dude. I'm like you know what it is.......you let him come to your job/home and you know where he works but you never go to his place. She wasn't even in a relationship with the dude so she had no right to go snooping into his life. She even tried to have a friend follow him home ....I was like WTF is wrong with you?
While I know the dating scene has changed people's actions should fit the situation. Moving in/Getting Married - maybe get a background check. Dating or regular relationship - trust your gut.
It's a sign of the times. I certainly Google men I've dated - there are all kinds of on line checks. I really wouldn't take it personally. Most of this is just to know that you are a "real" person.
I once dated a man he told me of the large, impressive home he owned - but he found it too big, too much work after his children had grown and he divorced. Thus, he moved into a swank townhouse that was - VERY nice. He said it got a bargain on it and explained that owning an expensive townhouse suited his new lifestyle. ... That's all very nice. Turns out the big house went into foreclosure - then he divorced - sold his home before the foreclosure became due (just in the nick of time!) - Oh, the swank townhouse that he bought ... he was renting it. Ok, so he wasn't the first man to try to impress me with his vast "wealth" - but he wasn't honest. I only went out with him a couple of times. I saw no need to continue.
Really, don't worry about this. Yes, we women want to know that you are not a wanted killer - but mostly we just want to know who you are and if you are for real.
Best wishes.
I don't think you are permitted to check another person's credit score or credit, it's confidential and requires the subject's authorization to release the info to an insurer, lender, etc
what you can check is public records, criminal court convictions, bankruptcies, civil court judgments, ie. whatever is public record
I agree. I am not against background checks for intimate partners, but be careful about what you are digging for, and make sure you are working within the legal parameters of your State. I am pretty sure you would need consent to do a credit check.
As far as legal checks, it's pretty easy to determine if he/she has been in prison and/or if the person is a registered sex offender. You can get online prison records for prior inmates in many states. Even some local jails offer online searches nowadays. A Google search might reveal if they have even been in the news for whatever reason. You can also do searches on websites for your local newspaper and/or the newspapers in his/he prior hometowns. If your partner claims to be a professional that requires a license (doctor, lawyer, etc.,) you can usually verify their license online. You can also verify real estate transactions at your local Courthouse (and possibly online, in some cases.)
I am sorry but women who would even think about doing a background check on someone they are dating creep me out. Those are the types who do interview type of dates, totally paranoid types. Seriously, if you are judgement is not good enough to see good or bad or detect any red flags, then no offense but something is definitely wrong with you!
It reminds of the story featured on Oprah I think, these five suburban women who were dating this guy and they all caught AIDS from him, I am sorry but if you are stupid enough to have unprotected sex with someone you hardly know, can't blame anybody but your own stupidity or lack of judgement. They almost made it sound like these women were innocent victims and the guy was this monster, I don't buy it!
Last edited by Repubocrat; 08-29-2010 at 06:00 PM..
Why bother being bothered if u think u need to investigate someone? I like honesty. If I have something to say, I say it or if I want to know something I ask it. If the person is no good u r not going to find out by just checking... A background check can lull u into a false since of security and may not give u an accurate picture of who u r dealing with anyway.
Why bother being bothered if u think u need to investigate someone? I like honesty. If I have something to say, I say it or if I want to know something I ask it. If the person is no good u r not going to find out by just checking... A background check can lull u into a false since of security and may not give u an accurate picture of who u r dealing with anyway.
Exactly! This guy that gave all these women HIV passed all the background checks, he is still a master manipulator, HIV positive and had spent some time in jail but his criminal records were expunged.
It's a judgment call, but honestly, I'd be a little creeped out by anything beyond a normal Google search. Whether it's a dealbreaker depends on the situation, but a serious, in-depth background check would kind of bother me. I feel creepy even Googling people, to tell you the truth.
I did a background search on my husband and only 2 other guys that I seriously dated. I wanted to make sure their conversations with me were matching up with what was on their check. I told him about it later and he was glad I did it. He has two brothers who have been in jail on and off and if he had a sister, he would want her to do the same thing.
Maybe I am wrong, but this seems to be a big red flag to me. She did come clean and admit she had done this, but only after I questioned how she had the detailed information. I do not have anything to hide really, and she didn't find anything "bad" but it makes me wonder whether I can trust her.
I find that people tend to project their own world views on others, and if she has to do that thorough of a background check, behind my back, and admit it after the fact, it makes me wonder what she is hiding. If she thinks I am hiding things, and has to do extensive checking to determine that, it makes me suspicious she is hiding things also and that is why she suspects others are doing the same.
Not necessarily a red flag but perhaps something you have never encountered.
Too many women burned out there by not knowing something that could have been found in a background check.
I don't think she's hiding anything, I think she will consent to a background check on her if you asked. Most people who run background checks on others have nothing to hide and will consent for one too.
As a women, if a man gets extremely angry and irrational because of it, he has anger issues.
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