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This is how I feel lately, I have not met anybody lately that I would consider "relationship material" and I have decided that probably having fun and not worrying about finding someone is the way to go.
I am definitely not lowering my standards and I feel, at least for now, having a few girls to hang out with, do things with and still have my personal freedom is the best.
Last night, I was talking to a girl I had fooled around with last month on FB, we went on like 3 dates, had sex once and then we never connected again, anyways, she needed someone to help her move her stuff to Missouri and I jokingly said, "I will help you as long as we can spend the night together", she laughed and said "Sure!". So, if this is the way most females are presenting themselves these days, I will just go with it, get some and have fun in the process, ain't too worried about it!
There is a song I love by the Marshall Tucker Band called This Ol' Cowboy, everytime I hear this song, I feel like he is talking about me:
If you wrote all the woman's names down I know
And let me pick one out
I don't think there'd be one in the whole bunch
Aw I'd give a hoot about
OMG Chris, you hit a nerve. I'm a woman and I totally agree. We're da**ed if we do and da**ed if we don't and if anyone has gotten liberated, it's the men. Men used to have to work pretty hard to get sex, but now they see it as their God given right and then get on here and moan when they get it, b/c the woman isn't quality enough. Well the OP can just wake up and smell the coffee and learn to realize that with any woman who might be relationship material, he might have to hold out for more than 3 dates. Or not, since it's really in how they relate, and it doesn't sound like he's relating to these women so I guess he figures he may as well try and see what he can get from them.
And it's not just sex. Yes, I'm glad we can have careers now and can do pretty much any job a man can do, but what often happens is that a woman has babies and wants to stay home with them but doesn't b/c she's treated like a second class citizen if she does. So she keeps a full time job and does most of the housework and work with the kids and wonders why she's so tired. I'm not saying every woman would want to stay home or that no man helps at home--I'm saying that women's rights were supposed to be about choice.
And Urban had it right--we're hemmed in by these paradoxes that make living very confusing and stressful. Women are expected to put out in the bedroom in a manner similar to what men see on the porn flix. Men are expected to make love in a manner similar to what the women read about in their Harlequin romances or chick flix. All are expected to go out and earn as much money as possible so they can buy the biggest house possible so they can fill it with as much stuff as possible; they're expected to make sure their little darlings get as many opportunities and activities as possible and then they're expected to sit down at the end of the day and listen to one another. Is it any wonder that antidepressants are the biggest sellers?
Me? I'm all for a simpler lifestyle. Why not just drop our expectations for other peoples' behavior and pay attention to our own and what we really want? We'd all be happier--esp Pub. And don't worry Chris--not ragging on you--you just got me started and what you said was great. And now I'll stop.
I agree.
But, in the past, nice guys with good careers can easily find women. Guys used to be able to attract women by just being good at their careers and serving their country. In the 50s, scientists could easily find wives because their career was deemed honorable and they were serving their country by creating innovations.
However, no one cares about what you're doing anymore. If I'm doing a PhD to find a cure for AIDS, the women wouldn't care. They just want to know if you can have "fun". But then they end up complaining that the "fun" guys are players or don't have a steady career.
The biggest problem for men is that working hard or even very hard can no longer get you the girls. I guess it's a by-product of girls being less dependent (financially, socially) on men. I'm a pretty hard-working person, but I feel that it has no effect on how girls perceive me. They just care about my personality or looks. So if you're shy and not hot, then there's nothing for you to do...
But, in the past, nice guys with good careers can easily find women. Guys used to be able to attract women by just being good at their careers and serving their country. In the 50s, scientists could easily find wives because their career was deemed honorable and they were serving their country by creating innovations.
However, no one cares about what you're doing anymore. If I'm doing a PhD to find a cure for AIDS, the women wouldn't care. They just want to know if you can have "fun". But then they end up complaining that the "fun" guys are players or don't have a steady career.
The biggest problem for men is that working hard or even very hard can no longer get you the girls. I guess it's a by-product of girls being less dependent (financially, socially) on men. I'm a pretty hard-working person, but I feel that it has no effect on how girls perceive me. They just care about my personality or looks. So if you're shy and not hot, then there's nothing for you to do...
I agree with a number of points here. Since financial security is becoming less of an issue for many women, the importance of personality does take center stage. When I was younger I swooned over scientists. The idea of it was very sexy to me. But, as we get older I don't know if status is as easily sold either. That's not to say that nice guys that are responsible aren't in demand, just not by everybody perhaps.
I suspect the "ease" with which men found women is being a tad exaggerated in many of these posts. For all that we're sure each new generation is exploring unplumbed depths of selfishness and depravity, methinks our great-X-100 grandparents were likely certain the world was ending with these "darned kids and their rock music".
If scientists, for example, had it so darned easy, from whence the traditionally lonely and misunderstood science-geek image? Among myriad others frequently (even habitually) posted in these forums? Really, NAME me some of these names if you will, scientific men who were strong and honorable and courageous, who won their wives solely through those virtues? Pick out some of these figures, and with a little research I'll demonstrate that the majority of these figures were either:
A) NOT from poor backgrounds which would justify that their acquisition of spouses came solely from the virtues you mention, or...
B) That many of them were bachelors until such time as they achieved recognition and/or fame/wealth.
Really, if some of you guys ever -- EVER -- expect to figure women out you'd do well to ditch some of these self-defeating delusions. Certainly some things have root in truth, but hardly to the extent many of the woe-saying dudes in these forums express their collective laments!
I've said it before and I'll say it again:
Guys, figure out what YOU want, and what YOU enjoy -- and get out there and DO those things joyously and with gusto, verve, spirit! And before you know it a woman with whom you can relate will come along, one who likes those things right along with you, participating!
I hear many of the men in here who spend hours and hours speaking in circles, and if I really boil their points down to essence what I come up with is that they're angry they can't seem to land the top 10 percent of good-looking or academically gifted women.
Lemme ask you blokes: Any of YOU in the top ten percent of men from those categories? If not, what the Sam Hill makes you think you're going to land those gals, outside of some nigh-miraculous stroke of luck? It happens on occasion, don't get me wrong -- but you'll pass out long before it happens if you spend your life holding your breath waiting for it, and you'll wake up with STILL no miracle but definitely a splitting headache!
Lemme ask you blokes: Any of YOU in the top ten percent of men from those categories? If not, what the Sam Hill makes you think you're going to land those gals, outside of some nigh-miraculous stroke of luck? It happens on occasion, don't get me wrong -- but you'll pass out long before it happens if you spend your life holding your breath waiting for it, and you'll wake up with STILL no miracle but definitely a splitting headache!
Oh Urban, you know we all want what we can't have.
This swing from portraying women as the "sweet little housewife with a batch of muffins and a mop", to men as incompetent and almost childlike is very unpleasant.
My SO were discussing this very issue the other day when we were watching something on TV. Men are shown in almost every ad doing something that a woman has to admonish them for, or in some way denigrates them in a smug manner.
I find it disturbing.
While I am a feminist, I believe in equality, not the notion that women are smarter, more worthy or dominant and I see nothing clever or positive about making men look foolish in advertising, nor in real life.
I totally agree with this. It's sad when equality means taking down the other side to make it fair. It makes you wonder if there really is such a thing as true equality when we live in a society where it's every "man for himself."
But, in the past, nice guys with good careers can easily find women. Guys used to be able to attract women by just being good at their careers and serving their country. In the 50s, scientists could easily find wives because their career was deemed honorable and they were serving their country by creating innovations.
However, no one cares about what you're doing anymore. If I'm doing a PhD to find a cure for AIDS, the women wouldn't care. They just want to know if you can have "fun". But then they end up complaining that the "fun" guys are players or don't have a steady career.
The biggest problem for men is that working hard or even very hard can no longer get you the girls. I guess it's a by-product of girls being less dependent (financially, socially) on men. I'm a pretty hard-working person, but I feel that it has no effect on how girls perceive me. They just care about my personality or looks. So if you're shy and not hot, then there's nothing for you to do...
When people say it's not about the money, it's usually about the money!
At least in my experience, what I tend to find is women are very concerned about what I do and when I do it and how much I make. And I would say the money and tangible good part is still very much at play.
If that wasn't the case we would not be in a recession/depression caused by debt binging to live lifestyles well in excess of what people were actually earning. And also we would not be continuing to have more and more foreclosures and other financial implosions going on across America at the rate they do.
Looking at the Maslow hierarchy of needs, I'd say as a society we have mostly passed groveling every day just for basic needs, so relationships have changed too and probably too quickly for society to catch up. Back when you were lucky to live to 40 and had to spend all day foraging for food and dragging up well water and cutting wood, I don't think people had time to invest in all these deep issues about mates. Nor had time to be choosy.
I tend to think what happens now is people over analyze all this which is why there are so many desperate single people at 45 wondering what the hell happened.
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