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Find single friends then. It's so much better than wishing on a friend's relationship to end.
It's not like I knew their relationship status when I met them. We met, we hit it off, we became friends. Besides, relationship statuses can change anyway. Two relationships that bothered me ended. One of them ended at the end of the Spring semester and one of them recently ended.
True friends don't wish their friend's relationship to end.
It's not so much that I want other people's relationships to end. It's that I want a relationship for myself. Why should they get relationships if I don't?
If they get to have a relationship, I deserve a relationship too. Or at the very least, they shouldn't rub it in if they know I'm single.
Shoot! This person is merely being human, is there a sin in that?
.
No..theres no sin...but he'll never be a happy human being, he'll always measure himself against someone else and have feelings of inadequacy when someone else has something he doesn't.
Right now that something is a relationship, but it wont stop, it'll be the car someone drives or the house they live in or how much money they make and on and on.
And why was I never anything more than an acquaintance?
Because. They didn't like you. They felt uncomfortable being stared at. They felt you were too intrusive. You showed up on their "creepy" radar, and they went with their gut, and deleted you.
OR
It was simply no big deal. "They just weren't that into you", and didn't have the interest to pursue the friendship. Deal with it; (sh)it happens.
Quote:
Originally Posted by city_data91
Because I didn't spend every waking moment with them so they thought I wasn't a true friend. Even though I didn't live in the dorms, I've hung out in the dorms. If my experience in the dorms is typical of what goes on when I'm not around, then yes, they spend every waking moment with their dorm friends. These people were hanging out in the dorms before I got there, continued to hang out after I left, travel to the dining hall in packs, etc. It's clear that they spend every waking moment together.
Use the phrase "every waking moment" one more time, just to REALLY drive the "creepy" point home.
Quote:
Originally Posted by city_data91
If anything, they don't understand that some people might want to have other friends.
lol, wut?
Quote:
Originally Posted by city_data91
And I answered juniperbleu's question when I said: I hate it when people expect you to be with them 24/7. I don't expect people to hang out with me 24/7. I wouldn't even want to be around someone 24/7. I need my personal time and personal space.
It's not so much that I want other people's relationships to end. It's that I want a relationship for myself. Why should they get relationships if I don't?
If they get to have a relationship, I deserve a relationship too. Or at the very least, they shouldn't rub it in if they know I'm single.
Quote:
Originally Posted by city_data91
I gave an example of a time my "friends" ditched me so one of them could talk to their significant other. A true friend would not do that. Why is it ok for them to ditch me for their significant other but it's not ok for me to complain that they let their relationship get in the way of a friendship?
Why don't you see a counselor, you're very insecure, self centered and hateful or abandonment issues, somethings wrong, your posts lean toward narcissism. If its evident here, ppl in your personal life recognize it too.
Maybe you should concentrate on your studies and stop worring about all this bull crap.
Because. They didn't like you. They felt uncomfortable being stared at. They felt you were too intrusive. You showed up on their "creepy" radar, and they went with their gut, and deleted you.
OR
It was simply no big deal. "They just weren't that into you", and didn't have the interest to pursue the friendship. Deal with it; (sh)it happens.
Use the phrase "every waking moment" one more time, just to REALLY drive the "creepy" point home.
lol, wut?
That's not what you're showing us.
How is it creepy to use the phrase "every waking moment"? I have reason to believe some of these people spend every waking moment with each other. If anything, it's creepy that people in the dorms feel the need to spend every waking moment with people. It's almost like they're a cult. With "the guy" on facebook I've been referring to that deleted me, one of the reasons I didn't see him very often is because his group of friends seemed cult-like to me. Pardon me for not wanting to join the cult.
And yes, they don't understand that some people want to have other friends. I didn't want to be part of a close-knit cult. I wanted to have other friends. I liked hanging out with that guy from time to time, I just didn't want to join his cult. I had a wide range of friends in high school and that didn't bother people. Why does it bother them in college when people want to have a wide range of friends? Having a wide range of friends keeps things interesting.
And why was I never anything more than an acquaintance? Because I didn't spend every waking moment with them so they thought I wasn't a true friend. Even though I didn't live in the dorms, I've hung out in the dorms. If my experience in the dorms is typical of what goes on when I'm not around, then yes, they spend every waking moment with their dorm friends. These people were hanging out in the dorms before I got there, continued to hang out after I left, travel to the dining hall in packs, etc. It's clear that they spend every waking moment together. If anything, they don't understand that some people might want to have other friends.
And I answered juniperbleu's question when I said: I hate it when people expect you to be with them 24/7. I don't expect people to hang out with me 24/7. I wouldn't even want to be around someone 24/7. I need my personal time and personal space.
The amount of time you spend with someone does not necessarily directly correlate to the depth of your relationship. I've spent plenty of time with people who were purely acquaintances and then have best friends who I see a few times a year. As for why these particular people didn't like you enough, no one here can tell you the real answer because we weren't there. Maybe you didn't "click", maybe you were standoffish, etc.
By the way, it's not at all abnormal to spend the majority of your time with your dormmates, especially early on in college. It doesn't have as much to do with needing each other 24/7 as it does pure convenience. You also tend to bond more strongly with the people you live with than others. I noticed that the commuter students had to work a lot harder to forge friendships freshman year just because of that.
The amount of time you spend with someone does not necessarily directly correlate to the depth of your relationship. I've spent plenty of time with people who were purely acquaintances and then have best friends who I see a few times a year. As for why these particular people didn't like you enough, no one here can tell you the real answer because we weren't there. Maybe you didn't "click", maybe you were standoffish, etc.
By the way, it's not at all abnormal to spend the majority of your time with your dormmates, especially early on in college. It doesn't have as much to do with needing each other 24/7 as it does pure convenience. You also tend to bond more strongly with the people you live with than others. I noticed that the commuter students had to work a lot harder to forge friendships freshman year just because of that.
I don't live in the dorms. So it was harder for me to form friendships. I naturally couldn't spend as much time with people. But if they knew I didn't live in the dorms, they should cut me some slack. I tried to see them when I could. We at least appeared to be friends (or so I thought). You're right that the amount of time you spend with someone doesn't automatically determine how good of a friend you are. Why can't some people realize that? The only mutual friend I still have with the guy that deleted me is someone that lived on the same floor as him. We used to have more mutual friends. It's clear that he deleted the people he doesn't view as true friends. It's also clear that, at least in the college setting, he thinks the amount of time you spend with him controls how good of a friend you are.
Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode
If you have other friends ...why then is this a huge issue?
Read what I wrote in response to juniperbleu. I would like to have other friends, but people don't want me to have other friends in college. I don't have as many friends as I was hoping to have. And these "other friends" are the couple friends (well, at least they were couples...but like I said, their relationship ended). The friend issue and the relationship issue are 2 different issues, but I guess they're related to each other.
Let me explain. At the start of college, I tried to make as many friends as possible. The more friends you have, the less time you can spend with each friend. People thought I wasn't a true friend if I didn't see them very often so they deleted me on facebook. At least that's my best guess of why they deleted me. So at the start of the 2nd semester, I decided it would be best to focus on one group of friends. That group of friends I focused on were the couple friends. I focused on them because they kept me on facebook, so I at least knew they were interested in being my friend and we also hit it off more-so than I did with some other people I met. But focusing on one group of people probably wasn't the best plan either, because I got tired of being around them and their relationships. I think they might have got tired of me and I don't blame them because too much time around anyone is not a good thing. I also got into a fight with one of them and I don't think that would have happened if I had a wider range of friends.
I just don't like the way college is set up. You can't win. You have to either focus on one group and get tired of them or try to have a lot of friends but get accused of not being a true friend.
In conclusion, these couple friends are/were my other friends. I have/had some friends besides them, but they were my main group.
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