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Hubby and I married both NOT wanting children. We got a lot of slack for it and friends didn't understand. After his mom passed away; something changed in me and I wanted children. Luckily hubby agreed and nine months later I had a beautiful boy!!
I see both sides of the coin and you and your spouse must decide what is the best for you; screw what everyone else thinks!
I am 44, male and married, have never really wanted kids, mother not happy about that but she has 4 grandchildren anyways. My wife had 2 kids from previous marriage and those 2 confirmed my desire to not have kids.
No I don't want kids. I don't really have a problem with kids,it'g just that I don't feel comfortable around them, even when I was a kid I prefered to hang out with the adults. Kids can be real cruel at times. We have a friend that we know and when ever we talk about not having children she gets this blank look over her face like she couldn't imagine not having children. The funny thing about it is that she is a complete f up as a mother. She has three kids, the oldest is in his mid twenty's complete screw up living off of some older womans money, total racist, practically a neo nazi, the middle son is a nice kid but a screw up also. He got kicked out the marines for dope. The youngest is a girl about 13 a complete narcist she is spoiled rotten going to make some poor guy miserable, she happens to be very pretty so alot of guys are going fall for her BS. I didn't want to kids because I was afraid of being a bad parent and also to be honest I didn't want to have to "work" so hard. I think people should really think about how difficult it can be being a parent. I also think people should think about adopting kids.
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While I certainly do not judge anyone for the lack of reproductive drive, I don't understand it. To me, it doesn't matter if you are a religious zealot or an atheist organic chemist - kids are kind of the whole point...
To live a complete life, it seems to me that you have to leave something behind. Everyone in your lineage all the way back to the start passed the torch, are you sure you want to let it go out?
female, 50, 2 adopted kids (ages almost 4 and almost 6)
In my teens, I thought I wanted kids. In my 20s, I knew I absolutely didn't want them and was sure I'd never change my mind. In my 30s, I did change my mind and got married to somebody who also said he wanted kids. When I hit 40, he changed his mind. We divorced (not just for the no-kids thing.) Got remarried at 42. This hubby really wanted kids, perhaps a little more than me even. Pregnancy just wasn't happening though we sure were trying . So we adopted our wonderful little girls. I can't imagine not having them now, however we absolutely do miss the ability to do the things we used to do on occasion. And since both of us lived child free for so many years, we had to learn a completely new way of being. That was pretty hard.
I do not think child free people are at all selfish. That just doesn't even make sense. It's their choice to be child free and I respect that. I also don't think people have children out of selfishness either. In my hubby's and my case, we knew that we wanted children in our lives and for us, that meant adopting. We didn't adopt to 'save' any children, though by our actions, we did get two sweet girls out of orphanages. (And it was heartbreaking to see all the children there, some of whom may never have the love of a family.) Our purpose in adopting was to be parents. We have so many people that tell us how lucky our girls are. We feel like we're the lucky ones to have been blessed with such incredible angels.
Finally, somebody earlier in this thread (perhaps even last year) said that he had heard of so many children adopted internationally who have pretty severe problems. Our two have had no major problems and the ones they have had are completely normal for any child (hernias, strep throat, etc.) There is no guarantee of having healthy children when you bear biological children. In fact, having children either way is a leap of faith.
female, 50, 2 adopted kids (ages almost 4 and almost 6)
In my teens, I thought I wanted kids. In my 20s, I knew I absolutely didn't want them and was sure I'd never change my mind. In my 30s, I did change my mind and got married to somebody who also said he wanted kids. When I hit 40, he changed his mind. We divorced (not just for the no-kids thing.) Got remarried at 42. This hubby really wanted kids, perhaps a little more than me even. Pregnancy just wasn't happening though we sure were trying . So we adopted our wonderful little girls. I can't imagine not having them now, however we absolutely do miss the ability to do the things we used to do on occasion. And since both of us lived child free for so many years, we had to learn a completely new way of being. That was pretty hard.
I do not think child free people are at all selfish. That just doesn't even make sense. It's their choice to be child free and I respect that. I also don't think people have children out of selfishness either. In my hubby's and my case, we knew that we wanted children in our lives and for us, that meant adopting. We didn't adopt to 'save' any children, though by our actions, we did get two sweet girls out of orphanages. (And it was heartbreaking to see all the children there, some of whom may never have the love of a family.) Our purpose in adopting was to be parents. We have so many people that tell us how lucky our girls are. We feel like we're the lucky ones to have been blessed with such incredible angels.
Finally, somebody earlier in this thread (perhaps even last year) said that he had heard of so many children adopted internationally who have pretty severe problems. Our two have had no major problems and the ones they have had are completely normal for any child (hernias, strep throat, etc.) There is no guarantee of having healthy children when you bear biological children. In fact, having children either way is a leap of faith.
I don't have kids and I never will. I don't have a problem with people who do want children. But I would have a problem if they didn't respect my decision and constantly judged me for being childfree. That's when I would get upset.
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Something to REALLY stir the pot :P
Better to Have Never Been: The Harm of Coming into Existence by David Benetar, Professor of Philosophy at the University of Cape Town. Essentially, he argues that any suffering whatsoever (even a pinprick, apparently) automatically renders life not worth living, and hence claims that ALL reproduction is immoral - even flat out saying the optimum world population is ABSOLUTELY ZERO!
I personally don't agree that ANY suffering renders life automatically more trouble than it's worth, although I can certainly understand his point. My strongest non-emotional argument against childbirth is that because humanity will cease to exist one day anyway, I consider reproduction pointless. That's not my only reason, but it is the one most objectively, demonstrably true according to current scientific theory (which basically says that one day every last atom in the universe will more or less evaporate into subatomic particles; therefore rendering life itself impossible to exist even in theory).
Everyone in your lineage all the way back to the start passed the torch, are you sure you want to let it go out?
I have thought about this. The answer is, yes, absolutely. My great-great grandma, great grandma, and grandma were all ahead of their time when it came to individual rights, and women's rights. They didn't all have the choices I have today. It absolutely respects their memory more to live the life I want than to have children I don't want because of some false sense of importance in carrying down the line.
Quote:
While I certainly do not judge anyone for the lack of reproductive drive, I don't understand it. To me, it doesn't matter if you are a religious zealot or an atheist organic chemist - kids are kind of the whole point...
Actually, it does matter to me. Because I believe in God, I believe I was made unique, special, and put here by His choice. Each one of us has a point here, whether we have kids or not. And anyone who has kids to keep the species going is the last type who should be having them.
I do respect your opinion that you don't get the lack of drive to reproduce. I don't get the drive to reproduce. I think both views are perfectly valid.
Quote:
To live a complete life, it seems to me that you have to leave something behind.
We all do, good or bad. Frankly, given the prison population, there are quite a few people who would have made the earth a better place had they not left something behind.
I have thought about this. The answer is, yes, absolutely. My great-great grandma, great grandma, and grandma were all ahead of their time when it came to individual rights, and women's rights. They didn't all have the choices I have today. It absolutely respects their memory more to live the life I want than to have children I don't want because of some false sense of importance in carrying down the line.
Actually, it does matter to me. Because I believe in God, I believe I was made unique, special, and put here by His choice. Each one of us has a point here, whether we have kids or not. And anyone who has kids to keep the species going is the last type who should be having them.
I do respect your opinion that you don't get the lack of drive to reproduce. I don't get the drive to reproduce. I think both views are perfectly valid.
We all do, good or bad. Frankly, given the prison population, there are quite a few people who would have made the earth a better place had they not left something behind.
Do you believe that most childfree women are not open for relationships? This is what my dad told me.
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. So we adopted our wonderful little girls. I can't imagine not having them now, however we absolutely do miss the ability to do the things we used to do on occasion. And since both of us lived child free for so many years, we had to learn a completely new way of being. That was pretty hard.
