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Not trying to be the buzz kill here but...
Moving out is never as great as it sounds. The bills are always higher than you think they will be. Stuff comes up. You get sick and have to go to the dr., You get hurt and can't work, you don't have enough to pay for all the things you forgot about like toilet paper, paper towels, cleaning supplies, etc.
You are now going to be spending every dime you make on your expenses. What happens? You drop out of school to work full time to keep up with the bills. You say you will go back but it never seems to be the right time.
Sorry, but I am older. I've been there. I say.. unless you are being abused at home, stay there. Save every dime you can until you can easily have enough in the bank to pay for 6 months of bills. Stay in school. Get the education that will allow you to get a job making a decent wage.
Trust me... you won't be partying much when you can't afford the beer.
I know it is never as great as it sounds.
But I am turning 21 and my mom still treats me like I am 16. I was over being treated that way at 16 1/2.
I want out, I want to go on my own and I want to be done with living the life of a child.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes
Total buzz kill. The OP is enjoying blazing her own path. Sorry it didn't work out for you. Everyone's experience is different.
Thank you and I won't let her get me down. I am still super psyched about all this and still going through with it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by johnnytang24
One thing I'd look in to is not having a car. Even if you buy a $2500 car that lasts 5 years, add in insurance, maintenance, and gas; you're looking at a couple hundred a month. If you're looking for the $15-$20 your friends owe, a couple hundred a month is probably a good amount.
If you must have motorized transport, how about something like a scooter? Insurance on bikes is cheap, usually around $100/year. Way better mileage.
Uhm no. I am going to have a car. I will be getting to TWO jobs AND college. Winter is coming up soon. Its august and already cold at night.
And my CAR insurance is already lower than $100 a month.
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute
But 21 years of age is plenty old enough to grow up and leave home. Forever most people become adults and leave their parents' home somewhere between ages 18-21 - some stay a couple years longer but that's only if they can accept that it's the parents' house and the parents make the rules for it.
And someone who can't stand her mother because her mother doesn't want her partying until 4 am isn't likely going to make a go of it in college anyway.
I agree with 21 being plenty old enough to move out.
I don't agree with you thinking I won't make it in college. I already am through like a year and a half of college, I've been IN college since January of 2008. I am going back this semester. I took HALF a semester off in the spring semester. I don't do summer classes. In reality it was like 2 months I wasn't doing school.
Plus I am not out till 4am partying. Sometimes I am just out with friends.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nite Ryder
At last, someone writing that is giving some good advice. Yeah, moving out is a big deal for a kid just out of school, but most of them have never had to pay their own way and don't realize it isn't easy. My son moved out of my house when he was 19, but only because he had made a down payment on his first house. He had a part time job throughout highschool, but still maintained good grades. Get a good job, and have some money in a bank account before you move out. You will look pretty foolish asking your mom if you can come back home, when the money runs out, otherwise. Don't depend on grants, one of these days our government is going to wake up and stop giving money away, and the sooner, the better.
I am not just out of school, I am turning 21 in 10 days, I graduated in 08', I have been doing college and recently started working. I've had my job for two months on the 30th of this month. The friend they hired with me only gets about 10 hours a month. The employees I made friends with got their hours cut and guess who got more. I never asked for that but that's what happened.
I am going to get a grant for enough to pay for police academy.
When I do that, I will have about 10,000 for school, about $5,000 from a grant/scholarship that will be used for school and then some of my trust is going to a car, under $5000 will.
Quote:
Originally Posted by VBmom
Not saying it's not old enough. I am saying that it always cost more than you think and not having money makes life dull. You watch all your friends going out to dinner, bars, shopping, and you are sitting at home eating Ramen. It's not glamorous.
I am in my 40's. I have a 21 year old son who is a full time college student. He lives in his own apartment and for the most part pays his own bills. He also has a crap load of student loans that will come due one day. He comes home every summer, moves back in, gets a full time job and saves up for fall. At Christmas he gets a job and works the whole break. That's what it takes to get the degree and he knows it will pay off.
If you party till 4am, you won't be making an 8 or even 9am class. It's that simple. If you don't take classes until later, you won't be working enough to pay the bills. Simple economics. Sorry if it's a buzz kill...it's also the truth.
We've already looked into the apartment.
It's about $600-$700 for a two bedroom apartment in town. Split that between two people its $300-$400 a month. THAT INCLUDES utilities except water, which per month is about $100. I know all these prices for a fact and it is what it is in my area.
I will have about $90 a month in car insurance.
I will pick something with good gas mileage. I will drive to and from school and to and from work. I will car pool if we all go out, charge gas money for giving rides. Hopefully like $100 a month in gas.
I don't officially have to worry about paying for my own cell phone till November.
That leaves groceries, bathroom stuff, laundry stuff.
I don't eat much as it is. I <3 ramen anyways and I will be splitting this cost as well with a roommate.
I get to take everything from my room. I get to take the spare kitchen table in the basement w/ 6 chairs. I believe I get one of the couches.
I have an extra tv stand.
And as for your theory, if I am out till 4am partying that I won't be able to make a 9am class, wrong.
The other night I was out till like 5:30am, didn't get to sleep till about 7-7:30am and woke up at 10:20, showered got ready and to work on time for an 11am shift and then worked 7 hours on about 3 hours of sleep.
No matter what time I go to bed I am always up for the things I need to do when I need to do them.
Beginning of this month I had to be at work at like 8:45 everyday, early early shifts for a week straight, I was out till 4am like everyday, got 2-3 hours of sleep per night and was on time to work every single one of those days and did a damn fine job doing whatever it was I did. At the end of that week I had ONE day off, slept the whole day and started my close shifts back up. And one of those night I went out drinking with friends, had about 5 1/2 drinks out of a 6 pack.
I can do whatever I put my mind to. I am putting my mind to this and its going to get done.
SOME of you think I am moving out just so I can stay out as late as I want and party hard.
I am moving out so when my friends want to go out I can, when there is a party I can.
I am 21.
I don't want to be told how late I can/can't stay out.
I don't want my privacy to be invaded.
Living at home is KILLING my dating life.
Having no car is putting the finishing touches on killing my dating life.
I have it all set up with work and schedules. I have my classes all picked out.
Monday:
3:30- 4:45 Criminal Justice I can work one job before class and one job after class.
Tuesday:
No school I can work all day.
Wednesday:
I can work 9-3
3:30 - 4:45 Criminal Justice
6-9 Public Speaking BUT only times class meets is 8/25, 9/22, 10/13, 11/3 and 11/17. So I can work 5-10 all those other Wednesdays.
Thursday:
No school, I can work all day
Friday:
9am-12pm Gen Psych (9/22-12/1)
12:30- 4:45 Intro to Sociology (10/29 - 12/3)
Saturday:
Open to work
Sunday:
Open to work
My boss, who makes the schedule, said if I want to she'll only ever have me close the store.
Which is good because with this job I work no later than 10pm and I usually am out at 9-9:30pm.
So I can work 2-10pm some days and 5-10 the others and then pick up whatever shifts at the other job that I can.
It'll be sweet!
I'll still have the nights to go do things with friends and I still can go out and have fun.
I can do school and work. Both jobs will be in town and school is in town as well.
The apartment is like visible from work. So I could even bike to work if I wanted to while its still warm and drive to school and the other job.
I want to be able to go drink with my friends at night.
Where I will live is close to a lot of the bars in town, or restaurants with bars.
If I want a boyfriend to spend the night I will be able to.
If I want to leave at 4am to go do whatever, I will be able to.
I will have the freedom and options there for me to make when and if I want to make them.
If I get 3 hours of sleep that night, so be it, I'll still go to work or to class.
Cops in college with families don't sleep much, if THEY can do it with their career, I can do that working retail and going to college.
You were still just a kid at 16-1/2, and really still needed to be treated as a kid. But now you are all grown up and really smart. How wonderful for your mom to not have to support an ungreatful person any longer. You may get a grant, and you may not, whatever happens to you, will be a learning experience. I think you will end up being a bit smarter, but not much richer. It would be a sad day if all young people thought as you do.
SOME of you think I am moving out just so I can stay out as late as I want and party hard.
I am moving out so when my friends want to go out I can, when there is a party I can.
I am 21.
I don't want to be told how late I can/can't stay out.
I don't want my privacy to be invaded.
Living at home is KILLING my dating life.
Having no car is putting the finishing touches on killing my dating life.
I have it all set up with work and schedules. I have my classes all picked out.
Monday:
3:30- 4:45 Criminal Justice I can work one job before class and one job after class.
Tuesday:
No school I can work all day.
Wednesday:
I can work 9-3
3:30 - 4:45 Criminal Justice
6-9 Public Speaking BUT only times class meets is 8/25, 9/22, 10/13, 11/3 and 11/17. So I can work 5-10 all those other Wednesdays.
Thursday:
No school, I can work all day
Friday:
9am-12pm Gen Psych (9/22-12/1)
12:30- 4:45 Intro to Sociology (10/29 - 12/3)
Saturday:
Open to work
Sunday:
Open to work
My boss, who makes the schedule, said if I want to she'll only ever have me close the store.
Which is good because with this job I work no later than 10pm and I usually am out at 9-9:30pm.
So I can work 2-10pm some days and 5-10 the others and then pick up whatever shifts at the other job that I can.
It'll be sweet!
I'll still have the nights to go do things with friends and I still can go out and have fun.
I can do school and work. Both jobs will be in town and school is in town as well.
The apartment is like visible from work. So I could even bike to work if I wanted to while its still warm and drive to school and the other job.
I want to be able to go drink with my friends at night.
Where I will live is close to a lot of the bars in town, or restaurants with bars.
If I want a boyfriend to spend the night I will be able to.
If I want to leave at 4am to go do whatever, I will be able to.
I will have the freedom and options there for me to make when and if I want to make them.
If I get 3 hours of sleep that night, so be it, I'll still go to work or to class.
Cops in college with families don't sleep much, if THEY can do it with their career, I can do that working retail and going to college.
I got this.
When will you have time to eat/sleep/study?! If you want grants, you might not be able to "leave at 4am to go do whatever." Make priorities to get those grades/credentials.
I think you have enough tenacity to see this through, but I also think you might need to slow things down a couple notches. Retail in general doesn't pay well, and hours aren't guaranteed. You might get 30 hours this week, 15 the next, or 24 hours one week, and 6 hours the next. Take this from someone who has been through college (and worked retail), and also has friends who worked hard/struggled a bit when managing on their own through college. And these were kids who were studying until 4am--if they ever up that late/early.
I think you'll get there, but a few months down the road you may realize it's not likely to be as smooth as you imagine. If worse comes to worse, scale your plan, breaking up your goals into simpler steps: Saving up more, then the apartment/car/etc.
You were still just a kid at 16-1/2, and really still needed to be treated as a kid. But now you are all grown up and really smart. How wonderful for your mom to not have to support an ungreatful person any longer. You may get a grant, and you may not, whatever happens to you, will be a learning experience. I think you will end up being a bit smarter, but not much richer. It would be a sad day if all young people thought as you do.
I am grateful*, I am just tired of all the arguing and yelling that goes on in my house. My mom thinks me wanting out go out with friends and stay out late isn't normal. It is, I am days from being 21, I don't see how that isn't normal for my age. I want to get out and live my life how I see fit instead of being dictated to on what I can/can't do. I don't see how that's ungrateful.
Even my 72 year old grandmother wouldn't be as strict on me if I lived with her.
Also, I am going to college right now and then police academy soon.
I'll easily clear $40,000 a year STARTING, I think i'll be JUST fine.
When will you have time to eat/sleep/study?! If you want grants, you might not be able to "leave at 4am to go do whatever." Make priorities to get those grades/credentials.
I think you have enough tenacity to see this through, but I also think you might need to slow things down a couple notches. Retail in general doesn't pay well, and hours aren't guaranteed. You might get 30 hours this week, 15 the next, or 24 hours one week, and 6 hours the next. Take this from someone who has been through college (and worked retail), and also has friends who worked hard/struggled a bit when managing on their own through college. And these were kids who were studying until 4am--if they ever up that late/early.
I think you'll get there, but a few months down the road you may realize it's not likely to be as smooth as you imagine. If worse comes to worse, scale your plan, breaking up your goals into simpler steps: Saving up more, then the apartment/car/etc.
Best wishes!
I'll make time to do those things.
I get a lunch break at my jobs. I get at least 1 10 minute break and usually work long enough to get a 30. There is a lunch break/dinner break. I can sleep at night or between classes or between work and school. There's plenty of time for me to sleep/eat and study. I can easily get the grades and still have fun. I don't need to study hard to pass my classes. I have always been one of those people with a good memory, I don't have to study for hours on end, just never had to, I easily pass stuff with B's and don't even have to try for it.
I've already worked it out with my boss at work who makes the schedule and she is going to always keep me above 20 hours a week and I won't ever dip down below that. Then I may be getting a fulltime job and making $300 a week at that job, meaning $600 a month there and then $500 at my other job. So i'll be making $1,100 a month. I can easily afford what I need to.
I don't want to slow down.I don't succeed by slowing down. I succeed my jumping into the deep in with lots of pressure etc. If I take the easy way I get complacent and fail, if I take the hard path I get where I need to be.
Im going through with it and not slowing down one bit. I will make it.
All I can say is good luck. I am not trying to be mean, here. I really do wish you the best in this move. I am just a mother of a young adult myself. I have been where you are. I have been dirt poor, living in my own apartment, trying to finish college, doing my student teaching, studying, etc. It was an exciting but very difficult time in my life. I am watching my son, who is a senior in college, go through this same thing.
Just trying to give you the benefit of years of experience. I still think talking to your mother and trying to work things out with her would be the better route. But either way just remember to keep your eye on the prize. The prize is the education, not the apartment. Only through education can you give yourself a better life. Make the most of it.
OP - I don't think anyone is necessarily trying to discourage you - but I think the message is more that you shouldn't underestimate your costs of living. It's easy to plan out on paper, but things come up or cost more than you think.
A new car may change your car insurance for instance. And a person can only live on 3 hours of sleep for so long. You are planning with a lot of unknowns still (i.e. you don't have the grants yet, you can't guarantee you will get into the police acadamy or get a job).
Basically - just realize that as much as you plan, it probably won't end up exactly that way. Have a back up plan. You're moving out without much financial cushion or savings in case of emergency.
Not saying it's not old enough. I am saying that it always cost more than you think and not having money makes life dull. You watch all your friends going out to dinner, bars, shopping, and you are sitting at home eating Ramen. It's not glamorous.
I am in my 40's. I have a 21 year old son who is a full time college student. He lives in his own apartment and for the most part pays his own bills. He also has a crap load of student loans that will come due one day. He comes home every summer, moves back in, gets a full time job and saves up for fall. At Christmas he gets a job and works the whole break. That's what it takes to get the degree and he knows it will pay off.
If you party till 4am, you won't be making an 8 or even 9am class. It's that simple. If you don't take classes until later, you won't be working enough to pay the bills. Simple economics. Sorry if it's a buzz kill...it's also the truth.
Your advice is good. Some kids and their parents do just fine living together past 18-21 years of age - but the basic understanding has to be whose house it is, who is the head of the household or there will be problems.
One of my aunts had a daughter of 23 who didn't party and was more a home body type but that too created problems because the daughter started taking over the house - she rearranged the cupboards in the kitchen, she decided the living room was all wrong - and my aunt said - "one woman per kitchen" it was time for the daughter to get out and build her own nest. Their relationship improved after she did.
It's normal at around age 21 - give or take a few years, for the adult child to feel the need to leave. But yes - it's smart to look at the financial side and decide it's really not so horrible and put education first. However - people do leave home and make it in school.
The irony - often when there's no more parent telling them, they figure it out on their own that there is no real good reason to stay out until 4 am.
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The OP is enjoying blazing her own path. Sorry it didn't work out for you. Everyone's experience is different.
