On her terms and intimacy issues. What to do? (dating, girlfriend, women)

[Mef2010]

I could use some feedback and advice on my current dating situation.

I've been dating this girl in her early 20's (I'm in my early 30's) for 3 months now. First 2 months were great!! We saw each other once to twice a week just hanging out and getting to know each other. She kept in contact with me everyday texting me hello and how much fun she's having with me which I really enjoyed because it let me know she was into me. I took her on a few dates (she told me no one asked her on a date before, which really shocked me) and things starting moving pretty fast by the 2nd date. She asked that we slow down because she had just ended a 2 1/2 year relationship with her ex a few months before I meet her. She let me know that she really liked me and just wanted to date but stay exclusive. She said she didn't want to get into a serious relationship so soon. By the end of the 2nd month of us dating she moved out of her friends house which her and the ex were living in and into her own apartment. She really wanted to meet my family since I'm close to them which she did. Once she moved I noticed a difference and that may be because she said school would be starting and she would have to be distant to really study. I gave her space and we saw each other once a week but talked on the phone once a day. I would ask to see her from time to time and I always got she was busy with school, but I then would find out by her telling me that she would go hang out with her friends when she told me she needed to study and couldn't see me. I started to feel not as important as how she made me feel when we 1st started hanging out. The everyday texting with nice sweet things began to fade and everything was now on her terms. She could only see me when she had the time. She would ask me to stay the night really late after she got home from drinking with her friends and I always went cause I missed her and we haven't seen each other all week. At this point all the intimacy has to be on her terms except hugs. If I try to kiss her or hold her in bed she doesn't want to be touched. It all has to come from her when she's ready. She doesn't like public affection and I can't stand behind her when her eyes are closed or can't see cause she freaks out. She's told me she needs lots of space, time and trust but she really likes me.

I've sat down with her a few times and explained my feelings, but she feels I'm being too sensitive, I need to relax, go with the flow, understand that were just dating and give her some space. I really do like her, want to respect her wishes and be patient but I can't wait forever.

What are your thoughts?

[Mikala43]

Are YOU happy with the way things are? There is your answer.

[Yzette]

My thoughts are that she's just not that into you. If she has to be drunk to be with you sexually, something is wrong.

[Mef2010]

Honestly I'm in between cause we can have a great time together and it's a lot of fun but I feel I need her to meet me half way. I forgot to mention that I asked her to be my girlfriend 2 months in and she said she just wanted to remain where were at which is dating but staying exclusive. To me that makes no sense.

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by Mef2010

I could use some feedback and advice on my current dating situation.

I've been dating this girl in her early 20's (I'm in my early 30's) for 3 months now. First 2 months were great!! We saw each other once to twice a week just hanging out and getting to know each other. She kept in contact with me everyday texting me hello and how much fun she's having with me which I really enjoyed because it let me know she was into me. I took her on a few dates (she told me no one asked her on a date before, which really shocked me) and things starting moving pretty fast by the 2nd date. She asked that we slow down because she had just ended a 2 1/2 year relationship with her ex a few months before I meet her. She let me know that she really liked me and just wanted to date but stay exclusive. She said she didn't want to get into a serious relationship so soon. By the end of the 2nd month of us dating she moved out of her friends house which her and the ex were living in and into her own apartment. She really wanted to meet my family since I'm close to them which she did. Once she moved I noticed a difference and that may be because she said school would be starting and she would have to be distant to really study. I gave her space and we saw each other once a week but talked on the phone once a day. I would ask to see her from time to time and I always got she was busy with school, but I then would find out by her telling me that she would go hang out with her friends when she told me she needed to study and couldn't see me. I started to feel not as important as how she made me feel when we 1st started hanging out. The everyday texting with nice sweet things began to fade and everything was now on her terms. She could only see me when she had the time. She would ask me to stay the night really late after she got home from drinking with her friends and I always went cause I missed her and we haven't seen each other all week. At this point all the intimacy has to be on her terms except hugs. If I try to kiss her or hold her in bed she doesn't want to be touched. It all has to come from her when she's ready. She doesn't like public affection and I can't stand behind her when her eyes are closed or can't see cause she freaks out. She's told me she needs lots of space, time and trust but she really likes me.

I've sat down with her a few times and explained my feelings, but she feels I'm being too sensitive, I need to relax, go with the flow, understand that were just dating and give her some space. I really do like her, want to respect her wishes and be patient but I can't wait forever.

What are your thoughts?

You are a man trying to date a girl I think it's time you look at dating a woman.

[Violett]

Originally Posted by Mef2010

I've been dating this girl in her early 20's (I'm in my early 30's)...

she told me no one asked her on a date before

She said she didn't want to get into a serious relationship so soon.

I always got she was busy with school, but I then would find out by her telling me that she would go hang out with her friends when she told me she needed to study and couldn't see me.

She would ask me to stay the night really late after she got home from drinking with her friends

At this point all the intimacy has to be on her terms except hugs. If I try to kiss her or hold her in bed she doesn't want to be touched.

she feels I'm being too sensitive, I need to relax, go with the flow, understand that were just dating and give her some space.

She's way too young for you for a few reasons (this is evidenced by the points you've stated above):

1) you prob are more in a settling down phase, she is just ready to enter party mode.

2) she has not had the life experience you have had time to have and you both will never be on the same level and therefore never equals, and without being equals, no true intimacy can occur. Lust, maybe. But not true intimacy.

3) it's going to be really hard for her not to see you as a parental figure, not very sexy

Originally Posted by Mef2010

She doesn't like public affection and I can't stand behind her when her eyes are closed or can't see cause she freaks out.

She's told me she needs lots of space, time and trust but she really likes me.

She's either been traumatized in the past by a bf and/or she just doesn't like you like that.

Dude, imo, she is NOT into you. She likes THE ATTENTION but she doesn't like YOU. This might not be malicious, she's young and probably confused and has a hard time telling the difference between liking the attention and liking the person giving the attention.

I know you're getting mixed signals from her, but in that case, go by what her BEHAVIOR is showing you, don't listen to her words.

[Mef2010]

She doesn't have to be drunk or buzzed but it has happened more times than not. I kept my distance from her a few weeks ago to see how she would react and she just ended up wanting to be around me more.

What are your thoughts on having everything on her terms. It wasn't like that when we 1st started dating.

[leatherchaps]

Sounds like she might still be hung up on the ex.

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by Violett

She's way too young for you for a few reasons (this is evidenced by the points you've stated above):

1) you prob are more in a settling down phase, she is just ready to enter party mode.

2) she has not had the life experience you have had time to have and will never be matched and therefore never equals

3) it's going to be really hard for her not to see you as a parental figure, not very sexy




She's either been traumatized in the past by a bf and/or she just doesn't like you like that. Dude, she is NOT into you. She likes THE ATTENTION but she doesn't like YOU. This might not be malicious, she's young and probably confused and has a hard time telling the difference between liking the attention and liking the person giving the attention.

I know you're getting mixed signals from her, but in that case, go by what her BEHAVIOR is showing you, don't listen to her words.

Exactly. This young woman is not ready for a relationship with a man - for whatever reason she is still too young for what he's looking for.

[Huckleberry3911948]

lots of women push pull. stop pushing and see if she pulls.