He called me fat. (boyfriend, women, love, attracted)

[stinkerbomb]

I have been with my boyfriend for about a year now, and 2 months in, he flat out told me "your belly is big". I was angry at him for weeks and he finally apologized.

Recently he told me that he isnt attracted to my body, but he has to love to becasue he loved me. Ive been srtuggling with my weight since i was little, and before i met him i had lost 55lbs. so hearing him that that ripped my heart out. He tells me he looks at other girls bodies and forms opinions of whether he likes them or not. i hate this and i asked him to stop looking at other girls, but he said he couldnt that its natural. I dont like that he doesnt like my body, he said "its good enough"...he doesnt think thats hurtful at all.

the other day some russsian girl added him (hes russian) and he says he used to know her when he was little and back in russia. hes 22, he knew her when he was 10...i dont want him talking to her. she posted half naked pitctures on his wall and struck up a conversation with him. from the looks of it, she isnt trying to reconnect with him, other than showing off her body..he said it was ok that she was because "shes a model, she gets paid to look hot". i just dont want him to be tempted or think of me any less than he already does or even fantasize about her. he thinks im trying to control him because he admitted to my face "she is hot, and she had a ****ing hot body"..... i dont want him being tempted by her. i dont want him talking to her, he doesnt have to there is no reason for him to. so i told him either choose to continue to work things out with me, or continue to talk to her.

is that so wrong? do i stay with him even though he looks at other girls bodies? do i stay with someone who isnt attacted to mine?


PLEASE if you have any questions that need to be answer for better advice, let me know. Thanks

[Yzette]

Originally Posted by stinkerbomb

I have been with my boyfriend for about a year now, and 2 months in, he flat out told me "your belly is big". I was angry at him for weeks and he finally apologized.

Recently he told me that he isnt attracted to my body, but he has to love to becasue he loved me. Ive been srtuggling with my weight since i was little, and before i met him i had lost 55lbs. so hearing him that that ripped my heart out. He tells me he looks at other girls bodies and forms opinions of whether he likes them or not. i hate this and i asked him to stop looking at other girls, but he said he couldnt that its natural. I dont like that he doesnt like my body, he said "its good enough"...he doesnt think thats hurtful at all.

Get rid of him. Not because he looks at other women, but because he has the insensitivity, heartlessness, and flat-out stupidity to tell you. That he criticizes your body means he's a tool. Kick him to the curb. He's no prize, himself.

[stinkerbomb]

Originally Posted by Avienne

Get rid of him. Not because he looks at other women, but because he has the insensitivity, heartlessness, and flat-out stupidity to tell you. That he criticizes your body means he's a tool. Kick him to the curb. He's no prize, himself.

Thanks. its just really hard, because he is a great guy. he says hes being honest about my body, and any other guy would just be lying to me.

[leatherchaps]

Honestly, in a relationship, I want someone to build me up. Not bring me down.

Anyone that is making me feel self conscious or unattractive, I would leave. Period.
Why would I want to stay in a relationship like that? Waste of time.

Find someone that actually likes/loves you for you. It shouldn't matter if you have lost weight or put on weight. You are still the same person on the inside and that is what should matter to someone.

GOOD LUCK

[stinkerbomb]

Originally Posted by leatherchaps

Honestly, in a relationship, I want someone to build me up. Not bring me down.

Anyone that is making me feel self conscious or unattractive, I would leave. Period.
Why would I want to stay in a relationship like that? Waste of time.

Find someone that actually likes/loves you for you. It shouldn't matter if you have lost weight or put on weight. You are still the same person on the inside and that is what should matter to someone.

GOOD LUCK

Good point. this was the hard part. he said he loved my body because its MY body, but he isnt attracted to my body alone. the only reason that its good enough is because its attached to my personality.

[Nite Ryder]

I don't see why you think you have a right to demand he not look at other people. You don't own him, or anyone else. Jealousy in a relationship isn't good, it will eventually ruin the relationship. If I were you, I would find a different guy. This guy might be, being honest, but he sure is insensitive and that is hurtful to you and not the right thing for him to do if he cares for you. Him treating you that way is not smart, but you trying to control him is equally not smart. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with either of you. You both need to work on how you treat other people.

[taigagirl]

Say goodbye to him sweetie. He is very inconsiderate, rude, and mean. If he is starting this now, it will only get worse later. He should love you for who you are. Lose weight because you want to lose weight for your own well-being. Be yourself, not what someone else wants you to be. I would kick a guy in the a**, if he compared me to another woman

[Currency Pair Crocodile]

Originally Posted by leatherchaps

Honestly, in a relationship, I want someone to build me up. Not bring me down.

Anyone that is making me feel self conscious or unattractive, I would leave. Period.
Why would I want to stay in a relationship like that? Waste of time.

Find someone that actually likes/loves you for you. It shouldn't matter if you have lost weight or put on weight. You are still the same person on the inside and that is what should matter to someone.

GOOD LUCK

Hear hear

[mjs1987]

Wow, I wouldnt dare call a girl fat and then ever be told Im a great guy afterwards. He must be something in the bedroom because no woman should have to put up with their man calling her fat and not very attractive body wise.

This man is using you. He can tell you anything mean and you will be there praising him all the way.

[Mercury Cougar]

Originally Posted by stinkerbomb

I have been with my boyfriend for about a year now, and 2 months in, he flat out told me "your belly is big". I was angry at him for weeks and he finally apologized.

Recently he told me that he isnt attracted to my body, but he has to love to becasue he loved me. Ive been srtuggling with my weight since i was little, and before i met him i had lost 55lbs. so hearing him that that ripped my heart out. He tells me he looks at other girls bodies and forms opinions of whether he likes them or not. i hate this and i asked him to stop looking at other girls, but he said he couldnt that its natural. I dont like that he doesnt like my body, he said "its good enough"...he doesnt think thats hurtful at all.

the other day some russsian girl added him (hes russian) and he says he used to know her when he was little and back in russia. hes 22, he knew her when he was 10...i dont want him talking to her. she posted half naked pitctures on his wall and struck up a conversation with him. from the looks of it, she isnt trying to reconnect with him, other than showing off her body..he said it was ok that she was because "shes a model, she gets paid to look hot". i just dont want him to be tempted or think of me any less than he already does or even fantasize about her. he thinks im trying to control him because he admitted to my face "she is hot, and she had a ****ing hot body"..... i dont want him being tempted by her. i dont want him talking to her, he doesnt have to there is no reason for him to. so i told him either choose to continue to work things out with me, or continue to talk to her.

is that so wrong? do i stay with him even though he looks at other girls bodies? do i stay with someone who isnt attacted to mine?


PLEASE if you have any questions that need to be answer for better advice, let me know. Thanks

Men look at other women, whether or not they're with someone who is fat or rocks a hot body. It's just how guys are, and it's no big deal if they look as long as they don't touch (unless it's your arrangement to allow extracurricular activities).

That said, he's obviously not for you. He could be honest without being hurtful. You may very well be fat, but that's not the main issue. The main issue is that you don't like yourself, so how can anyone else like you, including him?

Break up with him, learn what you like about yourself, change the things you don't like about yourself, and then find a new man that loves you as much as you love yourself.