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I think it's much more common with those who married quite young to pool their money like that and view it as "our money" not the his and her money.
It would be hard to be used to working and earning your own money and spending it however you pleased, no one to answer to - to suddenly change.
It's easier to give up control over your separate life, your own checking and savings account, if you never had it.
I think that is true too.
However, I have kids who have gotten married after accumulating a bit of money while on their own. What I have seen, and advise, is that the pre-marital money be kept in separate accounts and then the money you earn while together be pooled.
As time goes by, and you feel the relationship is permanent, you can decide to pool all of the money if both partners are comfortable with that arrangement.
Money is always a tough issue for some folks. I know a few older couples, by that I mean in their 70's and up, who still sometimes have money disputes after being together for 50+ years.
However, I have kids who have gotten married after accumulating a bit of money while on their own. What I have seen, and advise, is that the pre-marital money be kept in separate accounts and then the money you earn while together be pooled.
As time goes by, and you feel the relationship is permanent, you can decide to pool all of the money if both partners are comfortable with that arrangement.
Money is always a tough issue for some folks. I know a few older couples, by that I mean in their 70's and up, who still sometimes have money disputes after being together for 50+ years.
Excuse me for saying so, not trying to be rude, but shouldn't a couple avoid marriage if they aren't sure it's going to be "permanent"??
If you can't go into the marriage from day 1 knowing how to share your resources you really shouldn't be getting married.
By young, I mean under 25. Someone suggested that it's a bad idea and younger marriages do contribute to the 60% divorce rate. Many people say age is just a number. Many are marrying young before they turn 20.
The trend seems to be that people are waiting to marry. I don't really see anything wrong with it, but I do think it's a mistake to believe you can plan everything and have an epiphany that "this is the moment!" I think some people are trying to do that.
You can only take statistics so far. The smaller your sample group is, the less likely that statistics will be meaningful. I was married at 22, and I was the oldest one in my family to marry. My dad was 19 when he married my mother, who was 21. My grandmothers were married at 17. There is very little divorce in my family. I think that's just as important a factor as age and income: I had good role models and a very marriage-minded family. I don't care if the divorce rate for our age group is 99% ... that doesn't mean WE will get divorced.
The trend seems to be that people are waiting to marry. I don't really see anything wrong with it, but I do think it's a mistake to believe you can plan everything and have an epiphany that "this is the moment!" I think some people are trying to do that.
You can only take statistics so far. The smaller your sample group is, the less likely that statistics will be meaningful. I was married at 22, and I was the oldest one in my family to marry. My dad was 19 when he married my mother, who was 21. My grandmothers were married at 17. There is very little divorce in my family. I think that's just as important a factor as age and income: I had good role models and a very marriage-minded family. I don't care if the divorce rate for our age group is 99% ... that doesn't mean WE will get divorced.
Everything depends on the individuals.
I suspect that age as a risk factor ties into other risk factors like SES and eduction. Poverty is obviously a factor. Stressing about money will strain a marriage and younger people tend to have less income. Throw children into the mix and it's harder. Education as another, for marrying older, and that's obviously tied into age and income. So, it's not necessarily about maturity. A generation or two ago, as far as income goes, things were different.
I suspect that age as a risk factor ties into other risk factors like SES and eduction. Poverty is obviously a factor. Stressing about money will strain a marriage and younger people tend to have less income. Throw children into the mix and it's harder. Education as another, for marrying older, and that's obviously tied into age and income. So, it's not necessarily about maturity. A generation or two ago, as far as income goes, things were different.
Like I said, statistics only go so far. We were young, I was pregnant, we had no money, neither of us graduated college ... if statistics could be counted on, we'd have been divorced long ago.
Like I said, statistics only go so far. We were young, I was pregnant, we had no money, neither of us graduated college ... if statistics could be counted on, we'd have been divorced long ago.
Well, as I stated, I don't know if being poor 20-30 years ago is the same as being poor today. I remember getting apartments for $300/mo back in the early 90s and surviving well enough on $6/hr. The cost of living was so much different, but wages haven't caught up. Gosh, IIRC, from 1970 to now, cost of living has gone up 1200% and wages have only gone up 400%. That's going to play a role. So, I don't think these risk factors exist in isolation. There's interplay going on here.
Yep. The successful marriages are those where the couple values the relationship more than the money
HAPPY 30-SOMETHING ANNIVERSARY, btw!!
Thanks, we celebrated till the sun came up last night and we're both moving extremely slow today. It's great to have a SO that you find attractive after all these years. Went to a local club and those 20 somethings had nothing on this woman, she can outshine and outlook just about all.
We are a pretty good example of marrying young and it working out long term. I'm a lucky guy.
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