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Old 10-12-2007, 10:58 AM
 
Location: In a tiny, noisy, frigid cube
200 posts, read 613,054 times
Reputation: 142

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My husband and I have a very open relationship.

My philosophy is, "I can look at the menu, because I'm going home for dinner. Why waste my money on hamburger, when I have free steak at home?"

We've (husband and I) discussed this ad nauseum; I trust him completely, he trusts me completely. I know I'll probably get flamed for this, but he's even brought home a phone number from another woman, and it doesn't bother me. Here's why:
1. I'm not the jealous type.
2. I trust him.
3. He wasn't the one to ask for the phone number (according to people with him when the number was acquired.) And for those of you who think his buddies are covering for him, one of those persons was my dad, who concurred the story. And I found this out because I thought it was funny, and wanted to know the story to go along with how he got the number.
4. A little bit of freedom goes a long way. He goes out, flirts, a girl gives him her number. He takes it, knowing full well that he's married and is never going to call her. He gets an ego boost from obtaining the number of an attractive woman. He comes home; I reap the benefit of the ego boost.

I think this is more of a case by case basis. Everyone is different. I think the marriages that stay together are the ones that are honest and open; flirting is a natural, normal occurrence. When you tell your significant other that you don't like for them to flirt, I think it creates the necessity for that person to hide their behavior. Hiding behavior leads to sneaky activity and distrust.

This open/honest thing is the same reason that I don't care if my husband goes to a strip club.
1. They're just b o o b s. Every woman has a set.
2. He goes for special occasions; bachelor parties, etc. Otherwise, he wouldn't just go to hang out there by himself. In his own words, "I can spend a lot less money, drink free beer, and see better b o o b s at home."

But telling him that he can't go to a strip club, flirt, or subscribe to Playboy I think is akin to telling a teenage girl she can't date a particular guy; she's just going to sneak out and go see him anyway.

Just my .02
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Old 10-13-2007, 08:21 PM
 
Location: #
9,606 posts, read 9,568,754 times
Reputation: 6157
Blowing kisses is okay. Blowing jobs is forbidden.
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Old 10-13-2007, 11:04 PM
 
Location: Northern, VA
980 posts, read 2,057,629 times
Reputation: 521
I think flirting is a harmless way of expressing ourselves....married or not. Just because you flirt does not mean you want to throw your marriage away to pursue other options. In my opinion, if you're touching, you're well beyond flirting
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Old 10-16-2007, 10:02 AM
 
1,519 posts, read 3,538,551 times
Reputation: 1441
Quote:
Originally Posted by sedie80 View Post
My husband and I have a very open relationship.

My philosophy is, "I can look at the menu, because I'm going home for dinner. Why waste my money on hamburger, when I have free steak at home?"

We've (husband and I) discussed this ad nauseum; I trust him completely, he trusts me completely. I know I'll probably get flamed for this, but he's even brought home a phone number from another woman, and it doesn't bother me. Here's why:
1. I'm not the jealous type.
2. I trust him.
3. He wasn't the one to ask for the phone number (according to people with him when the number was acquired.) And for those of you who think his buddies are covering for him, one of those persons was my dad, who concurred the story. And I found this out because I thought it was funny, and wanted to know the story to go along with how he got the number.
4. A little bit of freedom goes a long way. He goes out, flirts, a girl gives him her number. He takes it, knowing full well that he's married and is never going to call her. He gets an ego boost from obtaining the number of an attractive woman. He comes home; I reap the benefit of the ego boost.

I think this is more of a case by case basis. Everyone is different. I think the marriages that stay together are the ones that are honest and open; flirting is a natural, normal occurrence. When you tell your significant other that you don't like for them to flirt, I think it creates the necessity for that person to hide their behavior. Hiding behavior leads to sneaky activity and distrust.

This open/honest thing is the same reason that I don't care if my husband goes to a strip club.
1. They're just b o o b s. Every woman has a set.
2. He goes for special occasions; bachelor parties, etc. Otherwise, he wouldn't just go to hang out there by himself. In his own words, "I can spend a lot less money, drink free beer, and see better b o o b s at home."

But telling him that he can't go to a strip club, flirt, or subscribe to Playboy I think is akin to telling a teenage girl she can't date a particular guy; she's just going to sneak out and go see him anyway.

Just my .02
I really think you're on to something. Being open and honest is by far the best policy. When some lady comes on to me in a bar, I don't return the compliments -- but I do tell my wife about it. This lets her know what is going on in my life when I'm away. And it makes me very thankful for my wife.

Some of my colleagues do flirt back. But they also tell their wives about it.

It all boils down to honesty.
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Old 01-19-2008, 09:59 AM
 
Location: Tampa
3,975 posts, read 6,903,835 times
Reputation: 1110
Why We Flirt - TIME

an article i saw today.

and its amazing how much married women will flirt with you.
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Old 01-19-2008, 10:06 AM
 
238 posts, read 561,446 times
Reputation: 126
No, it's not okay to flirt while you're married.
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Old 01-19-2008, 12:00 PM
 
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
5,148 posts, read 10,183,395 times
Reputation: 5804
Quote:
Originally Posted by crystalblue View Post
Why We Flirt - TIME

an article i saw today.

and its amazing how much married women will flirt with you.
Interesting article, but I don't like the ending, where it all but encourages all types of flirting, including if you're married! Such flirting is never harmless, no matter how much people try to rationalize.
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Old 01-19-2008, 05:44 PM
 
Location: Marietta, GA
857 posts, read 3,235,898 times
Reputation: 701
I always try to put the shoe on the other foot. If a man flirts with me and it would be easy and fun to flirt back I ask myself "What is he going to think about my husband?" Chances are, if you are flirting you are sending a signal that you find them charming and fun. They will interpret that as YOu do not find your spouse as charming and fun as them. Frankly, I don't want to give any man a reason to surmise that I think less of my husband than I do. He is a great guy and I don't need an ego boost at his expense.
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Old 01-19-2008, 06:51 PM
 
Location: Temporary on Earth for a little while
320 posts, read 639,996 times
Reputation: 174
not acceptable when married at all.....if you are telling a joke or something its okay to laugh at it but you do have limitations now that you would be married and that's one of them....flirting
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Old 01-19-2008, 06:57 PM
 
Location: southern california
49,803 posts, read 46,891,519 times
Reputation: 41041
southern tradition existes of flirting.
not on the coast.
we have tradition of terrible misunderstandings.
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