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Old 06-27-2007, 03:13 PM
 
Location: On our boat!
5,648 posts, read 9,723,046 times
Reputation: 3118
All you married men/women who think flirting is ok and healthy......definitely read what sun queen says her.
One thing I have noticed, married men/women who like to flirt (and think it's healthy) basically only do it when their spouse isn't around. Go ahead, flirt with a man or woman when your spouse is at a get-together WITH YOU and see what happens! Throw a kiss, send a wink or whatever and then watch a WAR breakout.
My wife and I don't do and WON'T DO IT.......PERIOD, END OF STORY!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by sun queen View Post
I don't think flirting is a good idea if u r married. U certainly shouldn't be blowing kisses or touching anyone other than your spouse. It's too dangerous to your marriage. "If u give the devil a ride it wont be long before he's driving u." Harmless flirting may take u somewhere u don't want to go. Plus, your spouse deserves more respect than that.
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Old 06-27-2007, 04:00 PM
 
253 posts, read 689,408 times
Reputation: 253
Lightbulb Definition and Intention

It's one thing to be friendly/affable with others but it's another to directly flirt. I really have no interest in flirting with other men when I am attached and fully interested in my partner.

For me, to flirt means that I have an interest in a man on some level romantically and it's act of showing varying degrees of sexual/physical/romantic interest in him, even if it isn't acted on. This is different than just simply finding & seeing others as physically attractive.

In my view, itís a very specific and active thing.

Some things that would indicate flirting to me are:
  • Touching someone sexually
  • Hugging or getting into playful positions/gestures that are romantic and sexual
  • Telling sexual jokes that are directed AT the person (not generalized sexual jokes that can be told in front of anyone and that are objective)
  • Commenting on his/her body parts sexually
  • Teasing in a seductive and sexual manner that is personalized
  • Talking generously and repeatedly about how enticing your sexual skills and body parts are

I see these behaviors as very inappropriate while in a serious committed relationship. They might not lead to cheating, but it's a cheap way to skirt the line without being outright.

Most people will not admit this and they'll deny...and that denial is the threatening element because if you can deny now and your relationship is tested or challenged some way in the future, it won't be strong enough to keep those boundaries in tow since you can easily skate the line at this point. So in more cases than less, flirtation in the modes above often lead to cheating and break up.

Some people may flirt whether they are single or attached, they've always had a more generalized flirtatious nature, and it's a way to get attention and feel good about themselves. As a result, they don't discontinue this behavior or see this as inappropriate once partnered in a committed relationship.

Perhaps they need to rethink that...once their status changes to attached. Some people are unaware of sending out single cues once they are no longer single. You shouldn't behave the same way.

I think some will say that certain obvious flirtatious actions are being "friendly" but my thinking is that this is a way to create their own definition of what flirting is, therefore making it an acceptable and justified thing to do while attached/married.

I also think that the previous post written above is key and a good test. If this is not behavior you can openly display in front of your partner, then that says something. It means that you are flirting, this flirting goes a bit deeper and you are in denial about its nature and implications.

But to each their own. Every couple defines their relationship differently. If both people agree and are aware of the other person's actions, what it means, and the flirting is accepted, then I don't have any issues with that because their relationship functions differently. Just make sure it's mutually known.

I personally consider it disrespect, a show of emotional infidelity and lack of integrity.
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Old 06-27-2007, 05:09 PM
 
Location: Missouri
5,741 posts, read 13,914,076 times
Reputation: 4222
I tend to be a flirt. My rule of thumb is: if my husband could see me right now, would this bother him and/or would I feel uncomfortable knowing he sees this? That is how I judge if what I am doing is just mild fun or going too far.

I think touching hands and blowing kisses is almost surely too far. I also think it depends on who you are talking to. I spend a lot of time with senior citizens and every once in a while I'll come across an old widower who will tell me how pretty I am. I always give a wink as a response...it means nothing to me but it always puts a smile on their face. But I wouldn't wink at a man my own age who is showing signs of interest.
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Old 06-27-2007, 06:46 PM
 
1,756 posts, read 2,655,880 times
Reputation: 1436
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBoating View Post
All you married men/women who think flirting is ok and healthy......definitely read what sun queen says her.
One thing I have noticed, married men/women who like to flirt (and think it's healthy) basically only do it when their spouse isn't around. Go ahead, flirt with a man or woman when your spouse is at a get-together WITH YOU and see what happens! Throw a kiss, send a wink or whatever and then watch a WAR breakout.
My wife and I don't do and WON'T DO IT.......PERIOD, END OF STORY!!
Speaking for yourself is fine, but how can you speak for your wife...you are not with her 24/7.
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Old 06-27-2007, 07:01 PM
 
Location: NH
641 posts, read 1,544,857 times
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What is the point of flirting while married? That's like washing a car in the rain or putting gas in a full tank.
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Old 06-28-2007, 09:59 AM
 
Location: On our boat!
5,648 posts, read 9,723,046 times
Reputation: 3118
I can speak for my wife because I KNOW HER!!!!!!!! I don't have to be with her 24/7 to know how she acts. Besides that, from what I've heard, most flirting is done by the younger and middle-aged folks. Not by couples in the late 50's and up. By the time couples reach that late 50's mark in life, the "looks & body" has changed wayyyyyy to much to even "think" about flirting.
Our belief is: There is just certain things couples DON'T do when they are married. We believe flirting is just one of them. This is just our opinion.

Quote:
Originally Posted by dorado0359 View Post
Speaking for yourself is fine, but how can you speak for your wife...you are not with her 24/7.
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Old 06-28-2007, 11:22 AM
 
12,564 posts, read 11,011,102 times
Reputation: 7167
Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBoating View Post
I can speak for my wife because I KNOW HER!!!!!!!! I don't have to be with her 24/7 to know how she acts. Besides that, from what I've heard, most flirting is done by the younger and middle-aged folks. Not by couples in the late 50's and up. By the time couples reach that late 50's mark in life, the "looks & body" has changed wayyyyyy to much to even "think" about flirting.
Our belief is: There is just certain things couples DON'T do when they are married. We believe flirting is just one of them. This is just our opinion.

You are both positively correct.....
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Old 06-28-2007, 12:07 PM
 
Location: Newtown Connecticut
328 posts, read 702,719 times
Reputation: 211
Default Too many other areas of concern......

Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
You are both positively correct.....
Who's got time for flirting......I save my flirting for my wife !!!!!!!!
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Old 06-28-2007, 12:14 PM
 
Location: Highland Village
1,430 posts, read 2,499,141 times
Reputation: 971
Default Flirting while married

To me, it isn't a good idea. I think you could be opening up a dangerous door. I love my husband with all that I am and I would not ever want to do something that would hurt him, even if I percieved it as innocent. I think being friendly is a great thing. flirting to me is dangerous.
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Old 06-28-2007, 02:12 PM
 
Location: Sand Springs, OK
634 posts, read 1,636,778 times
Reputation: 212
My husband and I have been married for 14 yrs, together for 15. We flirt all the time. It's no big deal to each other. Apparently it works for us.
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