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[quote=sharpie1234;15609647] i proposed because i wanted to make her happy. because i enjoy seeing her giddy and smiling. I'm most satisfied when she's got tears of joy in her eyes and i wanted her to be happy. but our engagement period has been filled with tears, promises, fights, talks of breaking up, and make ups and forgetting we have issues.
quote]
Am I the only one who noticed this? If that's the reason you proposed, you should never have been engaged.
OP......I found this quote the other day for the writing forum.
"Between what I think I want to say... what I believe I'm saying.... what I say.... what you want to hear.... what you believe you understand... and what you understood.... there are a least nine possibilities for misunderstanding." ~Francois Garagnon~
i proposed because i wanted to make her happy. because i enjoy seeing her giddy and smiling. I'm most satisfied when she's got tears of joy in her eyes and i wanted her to be happy. but our engagement period has been filled with tears, promises, fights, talks of breaking up, and make ups and forgetting we have issues.
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Am I the only one who noticed this? If that's the reason you proposed, you should never have been engaged.
Good luck.
No you're not the only one who caught it, I didn't have time to respond after reading the thread. It appears the relationship was never built on a stable foundation which is why they are experiencing the downfalls that have and continue to take place in the relationship.
I suggest calling the wedding off because the relationship shouldn't have got to this point in the first place. Neither of you sound ready for marriage and you're not obligated to marry her because you've been together 4+ yrs and the wedding is set.
The ceremony is not going to change the relationship. You and her will still be who you are after saying I do, so the question is will the persons you are TODAY be able to live HAPPILY ever after?
You already know the answer to that question so take the actions necessary to do what needs to be done.
I sometimes have thoughts of 'yeah, i can find someone who is better for me...prettier....younger....etc. etc." but then i see how much she loves me and how much i do the same. she's beautiful and only a year and half older than me. (i'm 29.5)
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Originally Posted by Tropical Trouble
Wow! The comment about "prettier/younger etc." just made my jaw drop. Are you SERIOUS!!!? If so then forget everything I've said previously and get the hell out of the relationship now. She deserves better and you need to grow the eff up
Was just reading through the thread again, missed this post. In the midst of the entire dilema it sheds some new light, of course theres always going to be someone prettier or younger out there, looks and age don't equate to compatable. Its not the issue and why he shifted the focus, rather than the compatability aspects speak volumes.
You have been together for 4.5 years and you live together, have obviously been planning this wedding for at least a few weeks and then 2 weeks before you have second thoughts?
At the risk of sounding harsh, you are just too immature. You have had ample time to think about it and discuss your fears and issues. If my SO decided 2 weeks before our wedding to postpone or cancel, I would kick his sad sorry a** to the curb.
That WAS harsh. And uncalled for. Realizing you're unhappy is immature...how?
Wow... this is another thing I'm afraid of too (hopefully I don't become the OP's soon to be ex fiancee). You have to tell her know this ASAP and just pray she doesn't end up screaming at you or throws a drink in your face.
Don't wait.. do it now. My bet is she'll kick you right to the curb like Djuna stated and probably hate you but hey what can I say... it would be deserved. I can't imagine how would her friends and family feel about you afterward. You better hope the girl's father doesn't go crazy and goes out to get you. That's how mine would react if a man hurt me like that.
I'm curious: why is it "deserved"? No-one HAS to stay with anyone. At any point in any relationship, one person has a right to end it.
I don't buy the argument that someone "deserves" grief because they realize they're unhappy, and end a relationship, regardless of the timing.
OP......I found this quote the other day for the writing forum.
"Between what I think I want to say... what I believe I'm saying.... what I say.... what you want to hear.... what you believe you understand... and what you understood.... there are a least nine possibilities for misunderstanding." ~Francois Garagnon~
Great quote.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Creativeguy504
That WAS harsh. And uncalled for. Realizing you're unhappy is immature...how?
I don't think it's the realization, rather acting on the realization 2 weeks before the wedding as opposed to months prior, or even at the time of proposal. Both of them sound a bit immature and dysfunctional. It's difficult for anyone to deal with that kind of relationship, but they now have everybody in their life involved with it, which is too bad. All well, hopefully they'll learn from it.
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